Posts tagged with "humour"

My boner says you're a woman

This is awe­some.

So the English word “serendip­i­ty”, which is dif­fi­cult to trans­late into oth­er lan­guages, comes from a sto­ry named The Three Princes of Serendip. If you’re inter­est­ed, you can read sto­ry in it’s entire­ty (it’s short) on Wikipedia.

The strangest part is when one of the princes deduces that a woman was near­by:

I guessed that the camel must have car­ried a woman, because I had noticed that near the tracks where the ani­mal had knelt down the imprint of a foot was vis­i­ble. Because some urine was near by, I wet my fin­gers and as a reac­tion to its odour I felt a sort of car­nal con­cu­pis­cence, which con­vinced me that the imprint was of a woman’s foot.

Which basi­cal­ly means that this guy noticed a pud­dle of pee, dipped his fin­gers in it, smelled his fin­gers, then got horny, plus or minus hard-on.

That is some medieval Sherlock Homes deduc­tion shit going on there. What if he lat­er found out it was real­ly moose pee? Would he be able to admit to him­self that he was sex­u­al­ly attract­ed to moose?

No One Gets My Humour

Sometimes, my sar­cas­tic humour is so dry and sub­tle that peo­ple who don’t know me very well think I’m being seri­ous. I try to say things that are so ridicu­lous they can only be tak­en as a joke, but it does­n’t always work. Example:

Yesterday, Jairus made pulled pork sand­wich­es (took him 8 hours!) that smelled soooo good they made me hun­gry, even though I had just eat­en a huge din­ner. As we were watch­ing A Jihad For Love (about the coex­is­tence of homo­sex­u­al­i­ty and Islam), Jesse said, “Too bad these Muslims would­n’t be able to enjoy this deli­cious pulled pork sand­wich”. I said, “Oh, cause it’s pulled”, in a tone like I had just real­ized some­thing, but what I thought was a jok­ing man­ner. Everyone turned their heads at me, Ian said, “Cause it’s pork, yeah”, and he lin­gered on that yeah real­ly slow­ly, like he was embar­rassed for me, then every­one turned back to the TV. I’m pret­ty sure they all think I’m an idiot now, and that I thought Muslims have some­thing against ani­mals when they’re slow-cooked in vine­gar sauce.