It’s a new week, and I finally feel like myself again. The only time I have an unstable mind is when I wake up between two and four every night. All the thoughts I push to the back of my mind come flooding back, and I have trouble falling asleep for another hour or two. Other than that, I’m okay, more or less. All it took was a housewarming party and a weekend of no worries.

Trolley and I started preparations on Friday. We were expecting 14 people (with three not drinking) and we got that exactly — Pat, Jen, Jeff, Pita, Mike, Iain, Aaron, Karen, Kat, Sebastien, Eric, Jen, Trolley, and I. In all, we had four bottles of Keith’s (left over from poker night last week), three bottles of wine, a 12 of Corona, and two 5-Liter Kegs of Grolsch. In addition to this, Aaron ended up bringing six more Keith’s, while Mike gave me a mickey of Smirnoff, and Pita supplied a 12 of Blueu (the distinguished Quebec variant of Blue). A few major drinkers powered through the alcohol, and while we initially believed ourselves to be overstocked, we ended up with only a few Blue and the wine.

It was a pretty good mix of people. While I was grilling burgers on the new barbeque, people were mingling, hanging out on the couches, catching up on hockey on TV. Some were even soaking up the sun in my little back yard/patio, which has an accommodating set of stairs and a few lawn chairs. There wasn’t as much segregation, and I think that Aaron, Trolley, and Pat helped blend the two (and a half) groups a bit. For a successful party, I’m always sure to have all three in attendance. To my surprise, we all ended up playing some four-player Gamecube games towards the end of the night, something I wasn’t sure that everyone was interested in.

All-in-all, it was a good party, even if I was too busy running around, making sure everyone was well fed and thoroughly drunk, to hang out with my guests. I even got a few housewarming gifts. Trolley and I built the barbeque Pat gave us in time for the party, and Iain got me a nice set of crystal low balls (which have a nice weight to them, but need to be hand washed). Aaron gave me a set of six solar-charged patio lanterns that really make my yard stand out from the rest. I couldn’t ask for more.

Pita crashed that night, but not before I got him burned for the first time. I think his mind was a little too rigid, and he was analyzing things a little too much to be able to relax and enjoy it. He stayed for the rest of Sunday, and we played the old Gamecube games we used to enjoy back when we were still living together. I had such a good time, that I was able to really forget about everything else that’s going on right now. It was like a little gettaway in my own house.

I needed this weekend.

I thought I knew what to expect financially in owning a home. I was ready for mortgage payments, lawyers fees, gas bills, title insurance, land transfer tax (which is a separate payment from the name change fee), and any other random thing that may cost me money.

What I wasn’t ready for was the rapacious urge to purchase things. Things that cover windows, things that illuminate the corners of rooms. Things that go in houses, things that look nice. Things to play, things that organize other things.

So I spent some money. Got the living/dining room and two bedrooms professionally painted. Bought a 53″ Widescreen HDTV Projection TV. Of course, I needed a progressive scan DVD player to go with it (as well as composite cables for that and the Gamecube, which cost more than the DVD player itself). I even bought four games - Paper Mario, Viewtiful Joe 2, Timesplitters: Future Perfect, and Pikmin 2 — so that I could take advantage of widescreen and progressive scan support. There were also a few costly trips to Ikea, Homesense, Home Depot for things like tables, bowls, king sized pillows, and Egyptian cotton pillowcases.

I’m in debt for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life. I was up to seven grand at one point, but the smaller part of it (all on credit cards) was paid-off with the help of my last paycheque, and the larger half happens to be interest-free. I have to mention, though, that a significant portion of what’s left has been reduced, to the generosity of my parents. $2000 of it was towards a set of custom-sized mirrored closet doors to be installed in my room and in the coat closet, and they decided to pay for them as a housewarming gift. Pat also got me a barbecue that fits perfectly on my back patio, along with cover, cooking utensils, and wire-string brush.

My goal is to pay off the debt as soon as I can, and start putting 10% of my pay into a high-interest savings account. I’d also like to save 2% of my annual salary for house repairs and upkeep, while looking into higher RRSP contributions and possibly an extra mortgage payment by the end of the year.

This’ll be hard, however, because I’m itching for a new computer. I admit that I couldn’t help but take advantage of a great deal on Dell’s 19″ viewable flat panel monitors, so I bought two. Unfortunately, with a laptop, I can only use one for the time being. I’ve been looking at the new P4 Extreme Edition processors, which are dual core with hyper-threading on each that can simulate four processors. I’m trying to wait until the price drops a bit, seeing as how one of these costs as much as an entire new system. Normally I wouldn’t even consider spending so much on a CPU, but I can easily justify it with all the video encoding and photo manipulation I’ve been doing lately. I’ll probably be able to afford one by the time they become reasonably priced.

So this is where I live now: an attached condominium townhouse. My unit is second from the right, and goes underground. The white windows facing out on the main floor are part of the breakfast nook. There are still boxes everywhere though, and it’ll take at least half a month to get everything cleared out.

It feels good to wake up in my own house, and as such, I now have to fulfill all the promises I made to myself on the satisfaction of such a condition.

• I promise to floss every day.
• I promise to vacuum more often than I did before (how non-committal of me).
• I promise to smoke less weed.
• I promise to stop pouring cooking grease down the drain.
• I promise to film Dolly running her fat ass up the stairs (she never experienced stairs until I moved).
• I promise to walk more often than I ride the bus.
• I promise to get my finances in order, which involves entering all my incomes and expenses into Quicken XG then setting up (virtual) savings accounts for retirement/emergency/pleasure spending.
• I promise to keep my room spotless.
• I promise to read more than I watch movies.

I left work about halfway through the day. A sharp pain was starting to develop on the sides of my head, and I was generally sore all over. Even while chewing or swallowing, there was a tremendous pressure from the head of my mandibular condyle to the inner ear. Most likely, I was starting to run myself down; the last time I felt like this was after an all-night shift at the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy, and I ended up running a fever and missing two days of work there. Shirley convinced me to take an extra strength Tylenol (with codeine), which is something I rarely do. I’ve always believed in paying attention to the pain signals that the body gives off.

Trolley and I, with the assistance of Aaron, moved a significant portion of chattel through the week, translating into late nights and miserable days. Every previous night, I’d verbally consider sleeping in the next day knowing how hard it would be, and as Trolley noted, I’d never end up doing so. Even this morning I couldn’t sleep, so I got to work at ten past seven, more than half an hour early. It’s good to know that I was able to be stronger mentally than physically, something that has always been difficult for me to balance. Usually it feels like my body is giving out first, but afterwards, I realize that I could have handled more. This time, my body is actually telling me that I’m overworked. I think the key is convincing myself that physical discomfort is just a temporary feeling that can be ignored.

It’ll all be worth it once I’m settled down, which will most likely not be until I get my closet doors installed. I’m replacing my white ones with mirrors, and since the closet runs the entire width of the wall, they all need to be custom sized. It’s the last thing that’ll be done before I really feel like I’m in my own home. The mirrors should make the room look twice as big and appropriately darker. I got the quote today, and it’s just under two grand, tax in, including installation. I decided to go ahead with it, since it’s actually cheaper than I expected, so they should be arriving in 6 to 14 days.

Next week is haircut, getting custom-fitted venetian blinds, Christine’s birthday dinner, and a lot of unpacking.

We were at the house late last night, building desks and filling drywall holes. I decided not to sleep in this morning, because I needed the time to get work done, although I also needed sleep to get it done properly. There are mailouts to complete, statement stuffers to design, bitmaps to vectorize, and countless other things for which I’m responsible. I convinced myself that I’ve (begrudgingly) gone through enough torturing days of little sleep for someone else, so it would be more appropriate if I did it for myself now.

Stepping outside, the chill of winter morning still in the air against the early light of spring, I skipped nine tracks until Claudio started singing, in his shifting, melodic voice:

Bye bye beautiful
Don’t bother to write

My lethargy turned into energy, as I thought of how things have worked out based on the decisions I made. How I could die happy right now, although I’d prefer to wait at least two weeks if given the choice.

The way I seem to have everything I deserve, and nothing that I don’t.