Aaron told me that he didn’t think I was spoiled today. I was a bit surprised, since even I think I’m spoiled to an extent. I realize that I take many of the privileges I have for granted, but I’m always thankful of the financial freedom that I’ve been given. We seem to be able to talk for hours on end, and it’s worth getting in trouble at work for it.

One thing that we discussed was the rules about acceptable dating habits. The rules that he follows are difficult for me to understand. One seemingly universal rule is that you can never date a friend’s sister. It’s hard for me to understand something like this, because I’ve never had siblings of any kind. I think that the problem would lie in whether a break-up would happen; where would one’s loyalty lie, since you’re so close to both people? I believe that if both parties are mature enough, they will be able to remain friends after something like that should happen. I realize that it may not always work out that way, but I believe that the decision of the risk would be up to the friend and the sister.

He also told me that he would never date any of his friends’ ex-girlfriends, and that it was an unspoken rule among his friends as well. I guess the rule seems very rigid to me, as I’m sure there should be exceptions, such as who was at fault, and why they broke up.

There just seem to be so many rules that people follow, good or bad. I know some girls who won’t date guys shorter than them. I can’t even begin to comprehend this; it just seems so amazingly shallow, or perhaps I’m just oversensitive about my lack of height. I also know Chinese girls who won’t date Chinese guys. The only explanation I can find for this is that a girl may not like the Chinese culture, so they associate Chinese guys with this. Yet how can every Chinese guy be completely set in the Chinese culture? The explanation just doesn’t seem to work.

One of my Caucasian ex’s said that she would never date a white guy, because they always seem so shallow. I was offended because I wouldn’t be dating her, had I simply inhabited pale skin. She realized that she was wrong to simply associate white guys with being shallow, based on her past experiences.

An interesting point that I once discussed with Aaron was whether Caucasian girls found Asian guys attractive the way Caucasian guys find Asian girls attractive. We came to the conclusion that, no, they do not. It lies in the fact that the mongoloid race has a generally slimmer build, something which guys find attractive in girls, but something which girls sure as hell don’t find attractive in guys.

It’s a good thing that I’ve given up for now.

Sometimes I feel comfortable with a certain type of people. They make fun of people, use the word “gay” in a derogative way, and just generally seem very ignorant. I suppose I feel comfortable in their presence because I was once like this, though this doesn’t mean that I enjoy their company. It’s just so common nowadays though, that it can’t be avoided. People who are so damn ego-centric that they can’t see past their own worlds, who believe that anything they think should be the truth, who don’t understand (and don’t try to understand) anything but what they’ve experienced. People don’t think before they speak, using the word “psycho” in an inappropriate manner, or saying “like” on an average of three times every sentence. Sometimes it pains me; of the younger girls that I know, the word “like” is more common than the word “the”. What happens when these people grow up? Of course, I already know this. Nothing. After all, I find that there are as many immature adults as there are immature children. Sometimes I just feel like saying, “Grow the fuck up! Stop acting like a child!”. Not very promising when what I’m hoping for is a world of more mature people as I grow older, something I’m sure that John, being the most precocious guy that I know, has been dealing with for the last 22 years of his life.

Can one truly choose his or her friends? Perhaps our friends really do choose us.

That would explain a lot.

It seems so weird that I can pick up friends so well, and the ones I want to keep are always too busy for me, but the ones I can’t stand, are the ones whom I can’t get rid of. It seems like such a theme in my life, even in my relationships. I suppose that I can’t pick my friends, which means that I’m doomed to a life of loneliness (something that I believe I’ve already come to terms with), except for John, whom I can have a great time with. I mean, I have some of the most fucked up relationships ever.

There may be one explanation, which I hope is not true. It’s very subconscious, and very hard to explain. But I hope it’s not true. I would be an asshole if it was true, and I would deserve to be alone.

Being alone makes things so much simpler. I mean, my life is much less complex when I think about it. It’s quite a good feeling to not be dependent on anything. One would have the freedom to commit suicide without worrying about anyone caring. One has no responsibilities to anyone.

Will you be my friend? No, of course not.

What a fucking bad day.