Aaron told me that he didn’t think I was spoiled today. I was a bit surprised, since even I think I’m spoiled to an extent. I realize that I take many of the privileges I have for granted, but I’m always thankful of the financial freedom that I’ve been given. We seem to be able to talk for hours on end, and it’s worth getting in trouble at work for it.

One thing that we discussed was the rules about acceptable dating habits. The rules that he follows are difficult for me to understand. One seemingly universal rule is that you can never date a friend’s sister. It’s hard for me to understand something like this, because I’ve never had siblings of any kind. I think that the problem would lie in whether a break-up would happen; where would one’s loyalty lie, since you’re so close to both people? I believe that if both parties are mature enough, they will be able to remain friends after something like that should happen. I realize that it may not always work out that way, but I believe that the decision of the risk would be up to the friend and the sister.

He also told me that he would never date any of his friends’ ex-girlfriends, and that it was an unspoken rule among his friends as well. I guess the rule seems very rigid to me, as I’m sure there should be exceptions, such as who was at fault, and why they broke up.

There just seem to be so many rules that people follow, good or bad. I know some girls who won’t date guys shorter than them. I can’t even begin to comprehend this; it just seems so amazingly shallow, or perhaps I’m just oversensitive about my lack of height. I also know Chinese girls who won’t date Chinese guys. The only explanation I can find for this is that a girl may not like the Chinese culture, so they associate Chinese guys with this. Yet how can every Chinese guy be completely set in the Chinese culture? The explanation just doesn’t seem to work.

One of my Caucasian ex’s said that she would never date a white guy, because they always seem so shallow. I was offended because I wouldn’t be dating her, had I simply inhabited pale skin. She realized that she was wrong to simply associate white guys with being shallow, based on her past experiences.

An interesting point that I once discussed with Aaron was whether Caucasian girls found Asian guys attractive the way Caucasian guys find Asian girls attractive. We came to the conclusion that, no, they do not. It lies in the fact that the mongoloid race has a generally slimmer build, something which guys find attractive in girls, but something which girls sure as hell don’t find attractive in guys.

It’s a good thing that I’ve given up for now.

I live so close to my campus and to my work that I can go home between classes and work. Every time I step outside, my mood changes. In the morning, I’m reminded of the gray skies above the emerald green UCC football fields I would look up to as I waited for a ride, or hung out with John. Usually I try to put on my Bittersweet Mix, and sometimes it fits. Other times, I’ll put on my Sad Mix, and it fits as well.

In the afternoon, the sun comes out, and spreads its’ rays across the street, reminding me of a time I sat in a library, the sky-light giving me the suns rays through dust and the smell of old print. The Total Annihilation soundtrack fits so perfectly, with its’ sometimes agressive, sometimes calm movements.

At night, everything feels familiar, and I put on my Moon Mix or my Breathe playlist. I feel nothing but familiar. I’ve already experienced everything I could at night.

I can see that my overall outlook is changing. Before, I would scorn the sunlight, and cast my eyes downward, wishing for a cloudy sky. Now, I know what happiness feels like. I had finally experienced it, and destroyed it simply by being me. I’m not sure if I actually want to feel it again. It’s something that’s just too much trouble.

My friend asked me once if I had any advice about dating. She believed that everyone just wants to be happy, no matter what trouble, a Freudian, I’m sure.

I told her not to fall in love.