An ex e-mailed me out of the blue the other day. She blamed it on the fall weather, causing her to reminisce and Google my name. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in over five years.

After feeling each other out for the first part of the exchange, we caught up on each others lives. She’s been married for three years. Moved out to Kingston after living through the pollution and over-stimulation of downtown Toronto. She has a full-time job while working toward her Master of Education part-time. Her husband’s an artist at heart, she says, trying to make a living off creative writing. No kids yet, but instead, two cats, Emily Wednesday and Shadow.

Me? I moved to Ottawa for university, bought a house, recently got out of a relationship, been working as the marketing and IT manager at a dental laboratory. Oh, and I have one cat, but I’m thinking of a second.

There were some things I’d been meaning to ask her for a while. Going through a series of relationships since ours has changed my perspective, and I’ve always wondered whether she’s grown in this way as well. I put a few questions to her, but she told me, in an amiable way, that she wasn’t completely comfortable indulging my curiosities.

There are a lot of things I’d like to say to my ex-girlfriends, but the nature of a break-up can be that of rancor. Communication breaks down. People lose perspective. I’ve always had a tremendous need to express myself, perhaps to the detriment of my relationships, but digging up what’s past and buried for the sake closure seems a bit selfish. After having this ex tell me that she was uncomfortable, I realized that it may have been rather inappropriate of me.

It’s only here that I can say what I want.

The Letter To An Ex-Girlfriend series

1. Introduction
2. Ashley
3. Michele
4. Christie
5. Jackie
6. Louise
7. Bronwen

Promised myself I’d be in bed by nine, but my nervousness has made me too jittery to sleep.

“Poignant”, he said, just as I was thinking the word, and it made me realize that if there’s one thing I do try to be, it’s poignant. I don’t know why. Perhaps it shows good communication. Perhaps there’s mental relief in knowing that one is not alone, that others can understand and may feel the same way.

I got back from camping on Monday, and had a great time. We went up as a group of 16, divided into three sites. I resumed my role as the token Chinese guy, since I was the only one on the entire campground. The sites were less than a three minute walk away from each other. Activities consisted of badminton, ultimate frisbee, reading, or just lounging. It was 20 degrees during the day so a lot of the time was spent in the shade. At night it dropped down to about 8 degrees, leaving most people shivering in their sleeping bags or huddled around a campfire.

Some tried to swim, but the water was so cold that they ended up wading. There was a competition every day to see who could stay neck deep in the water the longest, but they all ended in ties when everyone agreed that the idea was silly and that suffering through the icy water was not worth the potential bragging rights.

Most people brought quite a bit of alcohol (Wheaties actually got a 2-8 just for himself), and we were caught twice on the first night for having open alcohol containers off the sites. Fortunately, it was by two different groups of rangers, so we got two warnings, instead of a warning and then a fine with eviction.

Even when relaxing on the campground, with no time limits and no schedules, I discovered that politics had followed me there, to a place where one is supposed to forget the stress and conflicts of daily life. It’s such a pity that life can be so complicated in the midst of such serene simplicity, when the only thing that one should worry about is how much beer one has left or whether a fire will be going in time for dinner.

Something that I’ve long realized is that the politics of life are everywhere, mostly prevalent in uncommunicative or secretive situations. An uncertain attraction, a group of people with mutual dislike for someone, or perhaps even varied appropriateness in varied company are all typical examples I’ve most commonly run across and dealt with.

I always try to remain out of such complex affairs, in order to simplify my life, in order to have clarity. By doing so, I find that things are much less uncertain, and I thus have less to worry about. Of course, life thrusts me into such situations whether I’m willing to participate or not. After all, people will forever be upset by others. I find that I’ve been able to understand and survive these situations with increasing consistency.

It’s quite a different story when I am personally involved.