I can’t wait until the Christmas holidays. I’ll have a chance to work on projects I’ve put on hold to make time for paid work. A chance to breathe. A chance to do nothing. Some serious me time, inside my warm house, watching a movie while wrapped in blankets. Lazy maple bacon every day, hermitizing. I may even decide to go home and visit people I always mean to see when I’m in Toronto, but never have a chance to.

I’m busy with side-work until the new year, and currently not accepting new work. On the social end, I’ve come to a point where I’m not only booked, but double-booked, and find myself having to prioritize plans and decide what I’d rather do. It’s been great for keeping my brain busy, and whereas I’d normally feel overstimulated, I’m now reveling in all these awesome experiences and people I get to meet.

This doesn’t feel like a transition phase, as the transition, or whatever the hell it is, already happened weeks ago. I was at fork in the road, and now that I’ve taken the first steps, I find myself on a one-way path through a tunnel without any exits, wondering what’s on the other end.

Updated tastes for 2008. Many items from my 2006 and 2007 lists are crossed out, which is why categories like “furniture” aren’t smaller now.

I’ve been told that I’m notoriously hard to shop for. Not only am I extremely picky, I have esoteric (and expensive) tastes, and I usually buy — and so, have — the things that I want. This year, I realized that good gifts are things people want, but which they don’t buy for themselves because they can’t justify the cost. It doesn’t have to be lavish, but maybe a little overpriced, something you wouldn’t necessarily buy for yourself.

Photography

• Canon EOS 5D Mark II (about $2800) — Yep. This is the big one. I had the Mark I on my list back in 2006. This one is full frame, does dust cleaning, and records video now. Even though I have a camcorder already, I want this for low-light and low depth-of-field work that consumer camcorders simply can’t provide.

Housewares

• Tea Forté Morehouse glass ($25) — A double-walled glass that can be used to keep tea warm (or iced tea cold). Made with a cover for the leaf on Tea Forté pyramid bags to stick out. No condensation means no coaster needed. Love the design and functionality.
• Tea Forté tea trays (×2) ($7) — For holding individual tea tags. Comes in sets of two with four colour choices, but I like bone white.
• Bodum Assam 1.5L teapot ($50) — My previous, smaller Assam teapot broke (rather easily) as I was cleaning out the filter. I can’t give up my love of Bodum products though. I already have tea makers for single servings, but I don’t have a pot for when I have guests over.
• Oxo Candela Flare (set of eight) ($130) — I’d put these on the banister that separates my hallway from the stairs. It’s pretty bland right now.

Furniture

• B2C Expandable Dining Table ($699) — To replace the cheap, scratched-up dining table I have in my kitchen now. Frosted glass? More like frosted sexiness.

Gadgets

• Tenori-On ($1200) — I’ve been waiting for this to be available in Canada for more than a year, and it’s finally come. I’ve always wanted to get into music as another medium of creativity. I come from a musical background (as opposed to visual arts), but the Tenori-On combines both, in a simple, easy-to-use interface.
• Aromatherapy Car Diffuser ($16) — For keeping the car fresh, with refillable scent pads.
• Apple Wireless Bluetooth Keyboard ($80) — I’m hoping the next MacWorld Expo will announce an update, not a discontinuation, to the Mac Mini, which I’d get for a home theatre system (my TV is soon to be disconnected because I don’t use it enough). If this holds to be true, I’d have to buy a keyboard, which I could already use now.
• MicroFly Tiny R/C Hovering UFO ($20) — Small and easy-to-fly. Something I’d use to play with Dolly.
• Colibri Throttle Silver Plaid Lighter ($60) — Much to my dismay, the electro-quartz trigger on my old Colibri died. It was one Christie gave me for my birthday, with my name engraved on it. I’ve been looking for a lighter ever since, and this is the first one I’ve ever really considered. I’m super-picky about lighter design.
• Auto LED ($25) — Plugs into the cigarette lighter of the car, and glows blue (which would match the meters of my car). Pull it out, and it becomes a handy-dandy flashlight.

Games

• Rez ($20) — One of the most underrated and genre-busting games of the PS2.
• Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition ($20) — DMC has always been one of those series I hear about, but never got a chance to try. The special edition adds gameplay and fixes various issues.
• Metal Slug Anthology ($20) — I love the arcady feel of Metal Slug. Something you can turn on, and play with your brain off. The entire series in one game? Yes, please.

Another Christmas with Shirley and her family, although this time Bill’s family came down as well. I spent Christmas Eve night and Christmas day at their house, partaking in the Christmas experience with those who believe in the importance of such a ritual.

We were wrapping presents (from “Santa”) until midnight on Christmas Eve. The tree must have been raised the two feet off the ground to fit everything underneath. Negotiations went on through the night as to what time to wake up, but the kids woke us up at 6:30 anyway. Looking back on the pictures of 2005, you can tell how much they’ve grown in just two years.

Loads more pictures behind the cut.

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Hi there.

I’m already in holiday mode. Sure, I have one day of work left — Monday — but my brain has checked out. I even took the day off yesterday and made it a long weekend because I have extra vacation days left, and they can’t be carried forward.

This is how I spend most of my time nowadays: on my new chaise lounge from EQ3, with a mug of tea by my side, in a generally unkempt manner. Unshaven, with the flourish of a cowlick in my hair.

Last year, in which I declared that Christmas is dead, I stayed home out of spite, not directed at anyone but myself. This year, I’ve decided to go to Shirley’s for Christmas Eve and Christmas, and Pat and Jen’s for New Year’s.

But there’s a stretch of a several days in between in which I have no plans. Even though it’ll be a chance for me to do some extra writing, work on my photo projects, maybe even relax a bit, part of me wishes I was busy like everyone else.

I know I don’t have anything to complain about. I’m lucky enough to be spending the “important” days with friends who are important to me. I’m even lucky enough to have a choice of where to go. But I know that during the stretch, when other people has somewhere to be, somewhere to go, I’ll feel somewhat forlorn. They’ll have a place where they belong.

Maybe I’ll belong here, at home alone, on this wonderful chaise.

A look into my current tastes, updated for 2007. This list is somewhat shorter than last years because the ones I haven’t checked off still apply, and I’ve been guilty of some spending this month; The first two seasons of Robson Arms on DVD (which I desperately waited two years for), season six of Trailer Park Boys, my mittens, a RAZR 2 (the cell phone I’ve had for five years died), an electric toothbrush, and various gifts.

Photography

• Bogen / Manfrotto Background Support System 314 ($280) — To quickly set up different coloured backgrounds in my photography room.

  Bought it on sale, which was still $260.

• Arca-Swiss Monoball Z1 Ballhead ($475) — My current tripod isn’t strong enough to hold most of my lenses in place, and the locking mechanism is extremely chintzy. Very frustrating when working with dark shots. A ballhead would give me tremendous flexibility.
• Gitzo GT3530LSV Mountaineer 6x Carbon Fiber Tripod Legs ($625) — Carbon fiber tubing makes for an extremely light and portable set of tripod legs. Packed with all the important little features like an anti-leg rotation system, the Gitzo leg locking system, and removable rubber feet.

Furniture

• Rubix Cube Ottoman ($129) — A black, two-toned square ottoman to go with my leather couch.

Housewares

• Bodum Assam 2-Cup Tea Press ($25) — I have one of these at home, but it would be great to have one at work too, so I can make more than one cup of tea at a time.

  Julie bought me a Stokes gourmet Formosa tea infuser for Christmas 2008. A little chamber for loose leaves dangles from the top, as opposed to a press, which can create bitterness in tea.

• Braun Impression WK 600 Kettle ($90) — A large kettle for my tea. Right now, I have to boil water in two cup intervals, which takes a while when guests are over.

  Andrew and Alex bought me a similar model for my birthday, and it’s SWEET.

• Tingler Head Massager ($15) — On Jason’s recommendation on my recent post about manual stimulation. The reviews say that it helps put you to sleep, and that can never be a bad thing.

  Found a cheep one at Zone for five dollars! Doesn’t vibrate or anything but still pretty good. Next is finding someone to use it on me.

Games

• Orange Box ($50) — A nostalgic trip back to the days of my favourite game ever: Team Fortress Classic for Half-Life. I hear the gameplay has changed a lot, but I don’t care. We’ll probably be playing this at the next LAN.
• Odin Sphere ($40) — A side-scrolling fantasy RPG for the PS2 that I don’t want to miss.

Movies/Shows

• JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure OVA ($52) — My favourite anime of all time: a combination of fascinating universe, and very intelligent action. I currently have a copy in Japanese with French subtitles. While this helps me learn more French, I also don’t understand much the phrases.

  Found a copy of this for download.

• Reno 911 seasons 2-5 ($90) — An hilarious, original look at law enforcement. Trailer Park Boys from the other side of the law. I have the first season (thank you Music World for going out of business and giving me 20% off), but I’d love to get the rest, along with the movie.

  Bought all of these on a lark. Did not regret the decision.

On Christmas day, I felt like doing something low-key, without the large gatherings usually associated with this time of year, so I decided to spend it with Joel’s family. Hanukkah had already passed for them; it was just another day. Charlotte, who learns from Nigella Lawson, cooked a tremendous meal of roast beef, beans, and secret potatoes. Even the dessert was a fancy form of chocolate pot mousse, made from 70% cocoa Lindt and allspice.

We settled down with a little Gamecube, and I taught them Dutch Blitz, which we played well into the night. By the time I left, my spirits were up again.

It was a nice mixture of young and mature. A place where I could shut off my brain and be a kid, but have a thoughtful conversation too. They really made me feel like I was one of the family.

I arrived with handshakes and hellos, but left with hugs and kisses.

This used to be my favourite season.

I don’t even know why. Christmas was always about tedious gatherings. Each parental group of friends and family — consisting only of Chinese people — would take turns hosting parties. As one of the “kids”, I was thrust in a room with the other sons and daughters. People I only saw once a year, with whom I had nothing in common. Some years, I’d go to six different houses in two weeks.

My parents would always host New Year’s. Some time ago, with the money I earned from my first job, I bought them a classy fondue set and fondue book for them to use as hosts. They never opened the box, or even cracked the spine of the book. It broke my heart.

Monetary certificates. Sweaters. Cheap stationary. Nothing personalized. Nothing from the heart. Nothing I ever needed or wanted. It was merely a display of how little people knew or cared about me. It would have meant more if they gave the money to charity.

The one reprieve during the holidays was being able to see Darren, sneaking out in the middle of a party to get stoned with him, or hanging out with John.

Then why did the holidays mean so much to me?

Maybe it was the atmosphere. The snow. The memories of Christmas in Hong Kong. The fact that people who had nothing in common would put up Christmas lights. Something that everyone believed in.

Even though I’ve received some beautiful, thoughtful gifts for once, even though I don’t really celebrate Christmas, I’m down. It’s too warm for the snow to stay. I didn’t buy presents for anyone. I’m working the short week between Christmas weekend and New Year’s weekend because I can’t afford any time off.

I suppose the holidays are what you make of them.

There have been many generous people — Louise, John, Aaron, Joel, Bronwen, Pat — who opened their houses to me today, but it’s not the same.

To feel like I was part of something, part of a family, as dysfunctional as it was. Because of the divorce, there’s no home to go to for the first time in my life.

Christmas is dead this year, but it’s only a reflection of how dead I feel inside.

You know it’s getting close to the holidays when the fresh cupcakes at the local bakery start having Christmas tree sprinkles, so I thought I’d make a Christmas wish-list. Usually I have no problem spending money when I want something, but I’ve been saving my money as a goal lately. I’ve been good too, only spending $120 on myself in November (two movies, a toque, and winter shoe spikes) as opposed to the $500+ I normally do.

This isn’t a fantasy list by any means; these are practical things I eventually plan on buying. I just can’t justify getting them at this moment. Of course, I don’t actually expect any of these things to show up under a tree on the 25th, since I don’t celebrate Christmas, although this isn’t by choice.

Photography

• Canon EOS 5D camera body ($3800) — The 5D supports a very nice 12.8 megapixels, but most importantly, it has a full-frame sensor that would let me take full advantage of my wide-angle lenses.
• Canon EF 15mm f/2.8 Fisheye lens ($950) — For those extra-wide group shots, and stylish fisheye distortion.

  Bought a used version of this great lens for roughly half the MSRP in early 2007.

• Speedlite 580EX flash ($600) — I currently have the Speedlite 420EX, which can used as an off-camera slave to be set off remotely. It takes a flash like the 580EX to act as a wireless master.

  Bought this flash with an umbrella and light stand in the summer of 2007. Extremely happy with the off-camera results.

• Macro Ring Lite MR-14EX ($750) — Macro photos have been especially difficult because of the exaggerated camera shake with a 100mm lens. A nice macro flash would allow me to increase shutter speed, and get evenly lit shots.
• Wacom Intuos 6×11″ tablet ($450) — For editing my photos in Photoshop. I have one of these at work, and I can’t get over how much better a tablet is over a mouse.

  I was starting to get shooting pains in my wrist and forearm, so I bought this tablet in early 2007 to ease the strain of mouse posture. It has greatly helped, and on top of that, working with brushes in Photoshop is a delight.

Games

• Playstation 3 ($650) — I’m currently waiting on this one, since none of the launch titles interest me, but it’s my next-generation console of choice. I wanted the Wii for the longest time (back when it was codenamed Revolution), but the lack of HD support and dated hardware quickly turned me.
• Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess ($60) — I can’t pass up the legendary last game in the Zelda series. It’s coming out in 12 days for the Gamecube, although I may see if I can borrow Pat’s/Aaron’s/Trolley’s Wii to play it with the Remote and Nunchuk instead.
• Neverwinter Nights 2 ($60) — I’ve been waiting for this game ever since I finished the original Neverwinter Nights over two years ago. My next purchase was either this or Company of Heroes, but John bought me the latter for my birthday and so we could play online together. It was as much of a gift for himself.

Furniture

• Saga sofa ($1400) — Getting this in a nice dark-brown leather is one of the options with which I’d like to replace my old Ikea couch. I wasn’t partial to leather until I saw the unit in the store, but it boosts the price closer to $1500.

  Bought a Scotch couch in October 2007 from EQ3 in a black leather instead. Sold my old Ikea couch to help pay for this.

• 2MORROW side table ($150) — To go with the sofa.

  Bought a frosted glass sidetable from the same series as my coffee table from Zone in late 2007 instead.

• B2C 36″ storage ($550) — A place where I can store my books.
• CONICK pendant light ($120) — I’d like to have this above my dining table. The light fixture I have now is a little dated.

  I bought a rail light fixture from Ikea instead. It’s better for directional light, and much cheaper.

Appliances

• Grind & Brew Thermal Automatic coffeemaker ($150) — This baby grinds, brews, and can be set on an automatic timer to do both right before you wake up. Unfortunately, it’d be all decaf for me.
• Ultra Power Series stand blender ($180) — For smoothies. Because lunch sandwhiches get boring quickly.

  Got myself a nice Hamilton Beach Eclectrics Blender at the beginning of the year. Been making smoothies almost daily ever since.

TV Shows

• Six Feet Under ($230 for the complete series) — I’ve been wanting to watch these with Bronwen for a while now. I only got to the middle of the second season, but it really put the hook in me.
• Trailer Park Boys ($150 for seasons 1–5) — I’ve seen up to season 3, and every year, the Trailer Park Boys keep me guessing about how much madder things will be in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

  Bought these up to the sixth season in early 2007 to watch with Bronwen. She loved them. Still looking for the Christmas special.

• Battlestar Galactica ($100 for seasons 1 & 2) — I only got as far as the first season, and this is one of those shows that you can’t watch out of order because you’d be completely lost.

Movies

• Best In Show ($20) — This movie charmed me the first time I saw it. One of those movies you can watch at almost any time. Christopher Guest at his best.
• Punch Drunk Love ($16) — P.T. Anderson’s simple, beautiful love story.
• Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle ($15) — Because everything about this movie reminds me of summers with John.
• Contact ($16) — The beginning of my fascination with astronomy. And Jodie Foster.

  Louise bought me this for Christmas 2006.

• Boys n the Hood ($16) — A movie that touches me, even though it’s set in a world completely removed from my own.
• Waking Life ($10) — I wish I could explain what it is about this movie that draws me in so much. Maybe it’s the fact that every time I watch it, I understand something new. Also the first movie I ever saw high. Triptastic.
• The Breakfast Club ($18) — The ultimate teen angst movie. Also currently the only movie to use the term “Neo-Maxi Zoom Dweebie”.

Stepping back to the 25th, I awoke to the sounds of ebullient whispers coming from downstairs as I lie in Julia’s bed, which she’d carefully made for me. I checked my watch, noticed that it was 6:40 a.m., and remembered that Shirley put her foot down about not opening any presents until seven. The kids were already up, of course, their internal alarm clocks set to spring in anticipation, even after we stayed up late the night before, playing wrestling games until the threat of Santa not coming put them to bed.

Instead, Santa went all out this year, from Nintendo DS, to mp3 players, to boxes on boxes of clothes, to DDR dance pads, to portable DVD players, to games for every system. He also left me a mini remote-control Mercedes SLK, and I’d normally say that he shouldn’t have so he could spend more on the kids, but he also left Braden and Bill a mini Hummer and mini Mustang GT respectively, so I had to accept the gift in order to race them.

Just being there was enough of a gift. As the kids ran around, unable to decide what to play with first, I started to consider staying so I could spend the day, but the responsibility of prior engagements and time with the parents kept me in check. We had a big greasy breakfast of bacon and eggs, but John was there to pick me up for the four hour drive home before the turkey dinner.

Next year, I decided.

This doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. I’m not sure why, but the fact that it’s so close to the 25th still hasn’t clicked in yet. Maybe it’s because I decided not to buy presents for anyone this year. Maybe it’s because this is my first year working full-time and I’m used to having a longer running break before the big two-five. Maybe it’s because I’ve been too busy to relax, running around, making plans at the last second. This is usually my favourite time of the year, but I haven’t had any time to enjoy it.

I had the hardest time deciding on what to do for new years. At first, I was just going to spend it by myself at my apartment. I don’t really have a reason to celebrate, and if I was, it would be with my five closest friends ONLY so that I wouldn’t have to deal with ANY moronic people. The only problem is that three of them won’t even be in the city, and the other two are too social to be spending it with me and my select company. Perhaps one year, my friends will indulge me (after tiring of large parties) and we will have an intimate gathering. I think I’ll start planning for next year before everyone moves off to start their careers and their families.

Aaron expressed his desire for my attendance at his new years celebration and I eventually agreed. I was hesitant at first, because, to be honest, I haven’t enjoyed the company Aaron has had over for his dinners lately. I’m one who’s always believed that it’s the company that makes things enjoyable, not the activities. Stick me in a room with my friends and we can have fun doing anything. Stick me in a room with a single person I dislike, and I’ll be miserable no matter what. The agitating guests aren’t Aaron’s fault, of course, or the fault of the guests themselves. I’m an intolerant person.

And I’m working on it.

I always open Christmas gifts, especially from family or family friends, with a little trepidation. It’s more of an obligation than anything else for many people to give me something, and I’m of the firm belief that if someone isn’t going to like or have use for a gift, one shouldn’t give anything at all. There’s no point to giving someone a stupid present, and it just ends up being worse than if one gets nothing. There are a few exception to this rule, being the thought or effort put into the gift, although there is generally none of either if someone doesn’t like the present anyway. Sometimes it just ends up being the fact that the best intentions are used, but a gift isn’t needed to figure this out.

Of course, I’ve been known as the hardest bastard to shop for anyway, since I usually buy whatever I want. As soon as an idea is in my head for something I’d like, I’ll research it for a few days and then go out and buy it. It ends up being very rare that I want to get something I don’t have, mainly due to the fact that my interests are fairly simple and affordable.

This is where every store has a set of Christmas lights, thousands of sparks dangling from the awnings. This is where the subway is packed with people, all wearing their party clothes, trying to meet up with their friends and family. Where the cross harbour buildings have gigantic, moving pictures on their sides, created from intricately set lights and timers. Where there’s euphoria in the air and shopping bags in hand. This is where the jewellery store guards have traded in their berets for santa hats.

This is Christmas in Hong Kong.

Two attractive women in airline uniforms greeted me as I entered to baggage area of the Hong Kong airport, handing me a guide to Winterfest activities and a booklet of coupons. “Welcome to Hong Kong. Merry Christmas”, they told me, and I was happy.

I’m settled back into my room now, feeling very comfortable and at ease. My trip to Beijing was almost non-stop, going from one place to the next. For some reason I feel at home here, even when the bed isn’t mine, even when my cat isn’t here to sleep with me, even when my friends aren’t here to talk to. I was relieved when the plane touched down, when I could smell the Hong Kong air, when I could see the pervading Christmas lights.

People are trying to convince me to stay here, even though the tech sector is probably in worse shape here than at home. I’ve always considered living in Hong Kong, but have never taken it seriously because of the terribly humid weather that’s around for most of the year. Now I’m turning the idea in my head more and more.

I’ve grown to love this city, the atmosphere, the people, the culture, the spirit, in such a profound way. I think I understand what Dina was telling me about, after her trip and the attachment she developed to such a foreign land. When I first got here, I was wondering weather or not I would find leaving difficult.

Now I’m just hoping my eyes won’t well up when my grandmother sees me off.