I have a ticket booked to Hong Kong at the end of November. I’ll be staying there for a little under a month, during the Christmas season when the entire island looks as if it’s one big ornament from the sky, a giant floating decoration. The best weather of the year is in December, when the temperatures drop to a reasonable warmth and one can actually walk around with a coat on.

I’ll be trying to learn the subway system for the first few days so that I can get around on my own. I’m going alone so I’ll probably be living with my uncle most of the time, and staying at my grandmother’s on the weekends. I’ll be going home first and staying there for a few days, then flying to Hong Kong, then flying back and staying home for New Years. I’ll meet up with Ken the day before I depart from Hong Kong, since he’s flying up from Ohio.

I can’t wait to get back to the busy markets, taste the Chinese food, browse the endless shops. I want to ask my grandmother so much, and celebrate Christmas with her. I wish there was something I could give her that she could keep, similar to the jade necklace she gave me that I’ve almost never taken off ever since I received it. There’s an almost ineffable feeling that’s conjured up in my mind when I think of the modern skyscrapers, the crowds of people, the very ethnic faces. Some of my best memories are from being in Hong Kong during Christmas, when there’s an almost mystic feeling in the air and everyone is in good spirits.

I’ve been wanting a vacation, from both the good and bad in my life, for so long. Just to get away from absolutely everything going on right now would be beneficial, almost like a self-imposed exile. I’d be able to distance myself from things and gain some perspective, something I usually believe I’m able to do until something drastic happens that changes the way I view things.

I’m not really sure what to expect from my visit, although I think that I’ll be changed ever subtly, maybe subconsciously. One can rarely walk away from such things without being affected in some way, perhaps both Tina and Em would agree. I just don’t know how this may change me. I don’t have any questions. I’m not looking for answers.

I’m just waiting to find out.

Sometimes I see the same movie twice with a large gap of time between viewings, and I understand the characters, thoughts, emotions, and actions very differently each time.

A few days ago, I came to the realization that I’ve been a different person in every relationship through my eight year dating period. Not all of me has changed, but there are a few aspects which I believe would be important in such a bond.

I’ve gained more maturity and more confidence. I’ve gained a fair amount of intelligence (though I still feel like I have infinitely more to learn). I’ve changed career goals, relationship goals, and happiness goals. I’m more outgoing, more tolerant, more secure, less pretentious (I hope), less arrogant, and less ignorant. I’ve changed my opinions on children, abortion, and religion. I’ve even changed my actions based on these shifting beliefs.

Although I view most of these changes as being good things, they may put strain on a relationship nonetheless. After all, change is change, and unless a relationship is strong and flexible enough, it cannot endure such stress. It’s a little scary to think that I may be bringing extra strain into a relationship, simply by being myself.

At one point in my inexperienced youth, after having changed a fair deal already, I believed that I wouldn’t change any more. Now I realize how stupidly oblivious a comment that was, and am of the belief that I’ll never stop changing.

The most important thing to keep in mind through all of this is whether the change is for the better, and as Tom has helped me realize, relationships (friendships or otherwise) should form around this idea.

Whether or not a relationship will work out in the end is not based on one person, but the foundation and dynamic of two people.

Around the same time last year, the Canadian Womans soccer team were competing against the US in a final match in Calgary. I broke up with Christie. I bought John a PS2 with Virtua Fighter. John’s cousin was at the cottage with his dragon tattoo half finished and half payed for. John and Julia were going out. I hadn’t adopted Dolly yet. I had no job and no school.

I am still reading Moby Dick.