I think Dolly may be interested in having another cat around the house. I’ve been playing some cat sounds, and no matter where she is in the apartment, she’ll coming running into my room. A second cat is something I only started to consider this term. Last term it felt as if I wouldn’t be able to handle the chores, let alone doubling my annual veterinarian bill. Sometimes she seems lonely though, like when she immediately starts to cry when I walk in the door after a day of school, her protesting only being soothed after picking her up, and being replaced by a low purr. I’ve always seen myself as a one cat person; I think I’d feel a little imbalanced if I had more than one. If I do decide to get one, it will definitely be after I graduate, definitely after I find a stable job, and possibly after I can purchase a condo. It would be more for Dolly than for me though. I can’t imagine finding another cat that is as well-adapted as she is, so the idea scares me a little.

One time I discussed with Pita whether he would ever consider getting two dogs. He said that he couldn’t, not just because it would be much harder to handle, but because he would feel more favourable to one or the other.

The idea of favour is one that I haven’t been able to understand. How can parents love all their kids without liking one more than the other, especially when one follows the desires of the parents more closely. It might be something I don’t understand, being an only child. If such a balance is possible, wouldn’t polygamous relationships work as well? I think part of the misunderstanding stems from my confusion of relational love and parental love as well.

For love is the root of my imbalance.

There’s something about the chemistry between Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn that simply fascinates me, and although I’m sure the momentum of it spawned the painful movie Made, I still feel inclined to watch it over and over again.

My course load got easier this term, when I dropped a six hour per week course for a three hour one. Light schedules always seem to make my mind sloven, as if the load isn’t enough to put my mind in gear, so I grow restless in neutral. I wonder what I’m going to do when I’m out of school and looking for a job, something which will be happening within the half-year.

For some reason, Dolly takes an invariable fascination with the brushing of my teeth. Wherever she is, she’ll stalk up to my location and gaze intently at the act, hunched forward with the weight on her front paws. I can’t figure out what aspect of the brushing she may find interesting, and I wonder whether she’ll ever tire of watching.

I’m extremely tired. My kitten kept me up all night. She took the middle of the bed, so I kinda had to sleep around her. I kept waking up, every time I needed to shift positions, scared that I would crush her. I’ve been playing with her during the evening so she loses a bit of the nocturnal instinct to go crazy at night. I named her Dolly, after Nobokov’s character Dolores Haze. I needed to keep the name under two syllables, and I think that it’s a good symbol of the way one can never tell whether a cat or human is the master, just as you couldn’t tell whether Dolores or Humber was in control.

I feel so unorganized. I have so many things to do it seems. Take care of this, take care of that. I think that I’ve brought a lot of responsibility on myself, adopting a kitten, applying for a Big Brother position, doing this and doing that. I think that I feel much more mature and important when I do all this. Perhaps it’s a cry for attention, but I doubt it. It feels like I’m suddenly being overloaded with things to do. I didn’t finish a single one of the three assignments that I had due this week. I’ve actually been losing sleep, which is an extremely rare thing for me.

I felt so guilty about those assignments. I’m pretty sure that I failed one of them. I just need to keep everything in perspective, something that Sam taught me so long ago it seems. Everything feels so chaotic, spiraling outwards like Yeats’ falcon from the falconer. Not that I think the Second Coming as at hand, of course, but things just seem so complicated right now. They’re nothing compared to other peoples’ problems, I know, but I’m not use to being so responsible.

I have a little friend now. I hope. Things are quite uncertain.

I intend on getting one, after a lot of careful consideration. I’ve always wanted one, but I wasn’t sure if I would have the resources to take care of it, time being the most important one. Another question I asked myself recently was whether I was mature enough or responsible enough to take care of one for over 10 years. I refuse to be one of those people who simply buy a cat because they want one, then grow tired of it, and give it away. I would definitely need to take care of my apartment better, which is a good thing. I was thinking of purchasing everything that I need this week, then going to the pet store that I’ve been checking out and looking for a cat on the week-end. I seem to have an affinity for anything in the feline or panthera genus. I love the way they move, they hunt, everything about them. One of the most beautiful animals created.

My workload is starting to get heavy. I seem to have neglected my assignments for the most part, so I have three due this week, and I’ve only looked at one so far. Fourth year seems to have gone well otherwise.