The days go on continuously, measured in beats-per-minute. Winter’s here in all it’s bright glory, but the sun sets a little later every day, marking the change of seasons. It’s the only way for me to keep track of the passing time.
So many days are spent alone, yet I don’t feel lonely. The only problem with isolation is that it lets me spend too much time with my own thoughts. This, combined with my introverted tendencies (which means my stimulation comes from memories), makes me feel like I’m trapped in the past. I suppose it’s not all bad, but it certainly does make it harder for me to heal.
I don’t know what to write. There isn’t the same struggle or need to vent. I find myself sitting and staring at a blank screen for hours at a time. It’s not like I feel the need to say something for the sake of it. There are still thoughts and ideas that linger, things to get off my chest, but they’re either too too simple to mention, or too complex to put down.
It’s strange to see this path laid out before me. I could wander off and explore new things, but I’m still too comfortable.
Things don’t change, but I don’t think I mind so much anymore.
Bronwen finally getting a cell phone (with an unlimited text messaging plan) has been the source of much amusement.
Bronwen: Aww, I think I’ve been really depressed lately, I’ve been finding it hard to find a reason to get up lately, trying to pull myseld out of it
Me: Awww. Too bad you’re ditching me this weekend or we could hang out.
Bronwen: Oh please, my mom, dad and grandma (possibly aunt) would be very annoyed with me if I had ditched all of them, I had plans to go home first!!!
Me: It was a joke you bitch
Bronwen: Jeeeeeze, not a morning person…mine was a joke as well crazy
Me: You’re not a person person.
Me: You will turn into a crazy cat lady who tries to trap me into having a baby so I’ll have to send you alimony cheques.
Me: I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU. YOU’RE NOT GETTING MY SPERM.
Me: Are you crying in the middle of class now?
Bronwen and I agreed to a marriage pact, where we would marry each other if we weren’t in a relationship by a certain age. The thing is, she’s six years younger than me, so we decided that her expiration date is 35, and mine 41, because it’s easier for men to date/marry than women, at an older age.
Note how I didn’t say “easy”. Heaven knows I had a hard enough time with dating in my teens. And twenties. And probably 30s.
According to her, we also have a suicide pact, even though I have no recollection of this. The only reason I can think of agreeing to that is if large parts of the world were destroyed by meteors, leading to the collapse of the economic system, creating anarchy, and reducing everyone to hunter-gatherers.
Bronwen and I are most certainly not hunter-gatherers, and we’d probably suffer unbearably just trying to survive, or be killed soon after because we’re too naive or compassionate for a dog-eat-dog world. The thing is, if that happened I’d try to join forces with Pat and Jen, because they always have everything together. So maybe if they were also killed by this cosmic hailstorm, then it would still be an option.
Cause Trailer Park Boys never give up.
Cause Trailer Park Boys aren’t stuck in the rat race.
Cause Trailer Park Boys smoke weed, drink, and eat cheeseburgers all day.
Cause Trailer Park Boys love kitties as much as I do.
Cause Trailer Park Boys always dream, hope, believe in something better.