I went to the Black Tomato yesterday, which was a small restaurant with a decent atmosphere (though I think it would have been better at night), which served jazz along with your meals. You could purchase jazz albums from the side of the restaurants, and numerous portraits of jazz greats were hung near the top of the walls. The meals were pretty pricey; the sandwiches cost over 10 dollars, and the 7oz. filet mignon was $24.95. I was really considering the filet mignon since I so rarely get a chance to go out and eat at a nice restaurant, but I decided that I had nothing to celebrate. I went with a flank sandwich, which had thinly cut strips of marinated steak with sauteed onions, and melted cheese, baked on French bread. The put a sort of sweet mustard with it, that gave it a spicy, juicy taste, which was excellent. I had to get a pint of Strongbow, since they didn’t have Double Diamond. In total it cost me about $20.00.

It was comical to see what kind of manners people brought to the table. You could tell who was an executive by the way they broke their bread, or you could tell who was a administrative assistant by the way they cleaned their teeth with their tongue. I wondered if their manners were a result of their profession, or their upbringing.

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I never did express any resolution on my jealousy situation. After thinking about the situation for a while, I realize that I can still be a jealous person. It’s almost as if I now know that I’m human. “Still, it’s nice to know I’m capable of tears!”, Lermontov’s character, Pechorin, tells us.

I’m not quite sure if this is a good thing or not. After all, I spent a good deal of my early consciousness trying to become a completely cerebral person. I haven’t been entirely successful, after all, I’m human, but I do believe that I have achieved a degree of logic that I can be content with. It makes me wonder how Lermontov, as we can see through his character, can be so “evil” a person. As he admits, much of his character’s traits are based on his own.

I simply wish that my mind and judgment wouldn’t be so clouded as it had been on that day. It’s a little scary, not knowing in what terrible way I can act out in.

I once met someone who was in total control of his emotions. In this way, he could feel when he wanted. This allowed him to lose himself in a greatly touching movie, but also gave him a control of any negative emotions he may experience. I looked up to this person greatly, something that I wish I could say was more common in the people that I know. It seemed like such an amazing ability, although many people whom I express this to disagree.

And I still haven’t decided whether I disagree as well.