leave the bottle

I needed to feel a dif­fer­ent pain. I needed to reassert myself. I needed to change my body from the one he knew.

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I’ve been killing it. Nights that bleed into morn­ing, pots of cof­fee, retail ther­apy, English ales that drink like meals. The blood doesn’t faze me any­more. Instead of slowly slip­ping down the spi­ral, I’ve decided to fall all the way so I can climb back up.

Sometimes you have to tear your­self down before you can start rebuilding.

hair of the dog

I wish Trolley was here so we could play Starcraft 2 like we did when we lived on Island Park. I’d set up my lap­top in his room — he’d have a beer and I’d have a joint — and we’d spend hours against some com­put­ers in Warcraft 3. Or he’d surf the web and lis­ten to music while I wrote in this blog, shar­ing the apart­ment with his kitty and mine.

Those were the sum­mers of No Motiv and Coheed and Cambria. The win­ters of Bel Canto and The Dears. I remem­ber being happy then.

I wish Aaron and Trolley were here so we could get really, really drunk, even though I don’t drink any­more. Only when I wake up in the mid­dle of the night, and all the thoughts I’ve been push­ing into the back of my head come claw­ing out, leav­ing me with a rest­less mind. I pour a glass of Bailey’s on the rocks and prac­tice scales until the alco­hol makes me fall asleep again.

One time, we went to the Honest Lawyer to cel­e­brate Aaron’s birth­day. In our drunken haze, we thought it’d be a good idea to order some pizza when we got back to my apart­ment (there was a pizze­ria right out­side the side door). Aaron hurled in the gar­den rocks as we were wait­ing for the order. We brought him in, and gave him a pil­low and towel cause he wanted to sleep in the bath­room. He told me later, “I only get that drunk when I’m really depressed”. Sounds good to me.

I wish my friends were here so we could drink like the old days, when we were between school and work, and women.

Pictures of White People Laughing

Playing shots and ladders

Thumbnail: Karaoke crowd
Thumbnail: Bill takes a swig during Karaoke
Thumbnail: Karaoke duet
Thumbnail: Skyy Vodka
Thumbnail: Duet kiss
Thumbnail: Guitar karaoke
Thumbnail: Tray of jello shooters
Thumbnail: He laughs
Thumbnail: Hors D'oeuvres
Thumbnail: Jello shooting
Thumbnail: Doubled over in laughter
Thumbnail: Jello wet will
Thumbnail: Ginger the cat gives me a kiss
Thumbnail: Laughing party
Thumbnail: Shirley plays Rock Band
Thumbnail: Rock Band shot
Thumbnail: Singing faces
Thumbnail: Snoopy the cat
Thumbnail: She laughs on the couch
Thumbnail: Underwear check

Also known as a drink­ing party at Shirley’s.

This is how I learn that peo­ple have a good time when there’s at least one per­son will­ing to make a fool of him­self, because it sets the tone for every­one else.

That being young is to be young at heart. That to be young at heart is to laugh deep and laugh regularly.

And that it never hurts to have alco­hol to help facil­i­tate the process.