Four and a half hours of class, with six hours of work. I’m writing this at work right now actually, because no one is really here, and I can never seem to find time at home to do anything productive anymore.

I fed my cat canned food yesterday and she loved it. I think I’ve settled with the name Dolores. I keep having to buy her new mousies cause she keeps wearing them out with so much play.

I bought Yoshi’s Island for my GBA yesterday, and it’s pretty damn good. I miss having a nice 2D platformer to play around in, and to collect the coins in. I realize that I should probably have saved myself the money and downloaded the ROM and uploaded it to my flash card, but it’s much more convenient this way, and I have the luxury of being able to play whenever I want, without interferring with other ROMs on the card.

I think I’ve decided not to go home during Thanksgiving. John’s going to be busy with his work (on a long week-end), and I’ll probably be busy with mid-terms and projects through the end of October. Unless I hook up with Darren over the week-end, there’s not much else to do down there. This way I’ll be able to take care of Dolores without having to get somebody else to feed her and clean up after her.

I’m still extremely tired. Trying to keep my kitten fit and disciplined is quite a process. She’s a great pet though. She was stood in front of my monitor, watching me play Starcraft yesterday. When she got bored, she fell asleep in front of me on my table. She’ll come into my bed when I’m sleeping and curl up next to me, hoping to catch some warmth. I’m pleased.

I’ve been skipping most of my classes, since I’m so damn tired all the time, and I feel pretty guilty about it. I suppose that I won’t feel guilty as long as I remember to keep everything in perspective.

Someone asked me if I thought that I was a smart person. I told her, “I am neither”, and I thought that it was a perfect self-contradictory statement of fallacy, and equivocality.

My current situation has been resolved, not that there was really anything that needed to be resolved about it. Things came up that needed resolution, and by a stroke of luck, everything worked out the way I wanted them to. I feel devious, inspired by John’s ability to walk out of any situation unscathed. I surprised myself actually. My calm, my control; things that I was never really able to control before. But I played the situation beautifully, devilishly, and got away with it.

As beautiful as Mandelbrots’ Set.

I am a very confused person.

I wouldn’t consider myself a jealous person. After all, how can one be jealous when one is sure of oneself? It’s a contradiction to me. Almost always, in my relationships, this is true. However, a special case has come up, and I am jealous, an emotion I haven’t experienced in a long while. Yet there is nothing I can do about it. I can only sit here and take it. This isn’t something that I can change about myself. I am very insecure about this, and I have reason to be.

This jealousy nibbles inside me, creating an odd world of dysthymia. As long as I am jealous, I will be able to write and learn. God, I sound like something out of a Graham Greene novel. I was once afraid that I was becoming boring, having been given much in life, with nothing to write about.

Ah, well, let’s lay this issue to rest for today until I learn some more, and I can see the situation more clearly.

I do need to clear my head.

This one hurts.

God, I’m tired. I spent the entire day running errands. I took my kitten to the vet, which was a fairly painful experience. A bitchy, though red-headed, secretary “served” me. The appointments were an hour behind schedule. I decided to hold off on a confirmation of the name until I felt comfortable with it, which I currently do not. I’m fucking tired.

There’s something about a girl with long, slender, delicate fingers. They seem to speak of an intelligence not expressed in any other way. They way they move, the way they touch, the way they look. Sometimes dexterity is so simply an attractive feature that one misses it, while being drawn to other, more opulent features.