Aaron told me that he didn’t think I was spoiled today. I was a bit surprised, since even I think I’m spoiled to an extent. I realize that I take many of the privileges I have for granted, but I’m always thankful of the financial freedom that I’ve been given. We seem to be able to talk for hours on end, and it’s worth getting in trouble at work for it.

One thing that we discussed was the rules about acceptable dating habits. The rules that he follows are difficult for me to understand. One seemingly universal rule is that you can never date a friend’s sister. It’s hard for me to understand something like this, because I’ve never had siblings of any kind. I think that the problem would lie in whether a break-up would happen; where would one’s loyalty lie, since you’re so close to both people? I believe that if both parties are mature enough, they will be able to remain friends after something like that should happen. I realize that it may not always work out that way, but I believe that the decision of the risk would be up to the friend and the sister.

He also told me that he would never date any of his friends’ ex-girlfriends, and that it was an unspoken rule among his friends as well. I guess the rule seems very rigid to me, as I’m sure there should be exceptions, such as who was at fault, and why they broke up.

There just seem to be so many rules that people follow, good or bad. I know some girls who won’t date guys shorter than them. I can’t even begin to comprehend this; it just seems so amazingly shallow, or perhaps I’m just oversensitive about my lack of height. I also know Chinese girls who won’t date Chinese guys. The only explanation I can find for this is that a girl may not like the Chinese culture, so they associate Chinese guys with this. Yet how can every Chinese guy be completely set in the Chinese culture? The explanation just doesn’t seem to work.

One of my Caucasian ex’s said that she would never date a white guy, because they always seem so shallow. I was offended because I wouldn’t be dating her, had I simply inhabited pale skin. She realized that she was wrong to simply associate white guys with being shallow, based on her past experiences.

An interesting point that I once discussed with Aaron was whether Caucasian girls found Asian guys attractive the way Caucasian guys find Asian girls attractive. We came to the conclusion that, no, they do not. It lies in the fact that the mongoloid race has a generally slimmer build, something which guys find attractive in girls, but something which girls sure as hell don’t find attractive in guys.

It’s a good thing that I’ve given up for now.

I was able to accomplish nothing school related today. I’m just too damn tired. Eight and a half hours of work, followed by three hours of class. I did get a free pizza out of it though…the informatics department was celebrating a database transfer, and ordered too much pizza, so they considered that I was a student and gave me one. Not too shabby.

I found out that redheads need 20% more anesthetic than most people, because they are more sensitive to pain, or less susceptible to the anesthetic.

I got home and Dolly was just crazy with energy. The poor kitty had no one to play with her all day, and she lost her toys — again — so she probably slept most of the day. I found one in the coat closet, so I played with her as much as I could before I got tired and hungry.

I stumbled across Jenny the Lam’s page today, and was pleasantly surprised. It’s refreshing to have entries that aren’t just rants (ha! I’m such a hypocrite), but with some thought behind them as well. I’ve always enjoyed the naked way she seems to express herself, but she seems to have gained some more depth to her writings. It’s given me much to think about, which is an extremely good thing.

I believe my grandmother is dying. I don’t have many details, as I haven’t been well informed (though I’m not sure that I want to be). I tried to visit about three months ago, but my work and circumstances prevented me from going. I’m going to Hong Kong this Christmas, which should be amazing, and hopefully I’ll be able to see my grandmother one last time. When I spoke to her on the phone, which is always as awkward as ever, she sounded very light-headed. My mother told me that she sounded more healthy than before.

I once talked to Ms. Patricia ______ (I can’t believe I forget her last name) about my grandparents. I told her that I always felt like I loved my grandparents, and that I was always worried about their well-being, even though I never really had a life with them. They briefly raised me when I was too young to remember much. I have always wondered whether I would cry if they should die. One can always say that one won’t cry, but when the situation arises, things can be quite different.

I also told her that I hoped that they would die at a time that was convenient for me. This worried her. I asked myself, “Is this really what I wish? Will I feel differently when the time comes? Have I truly become so cerebral, so engulfed in a Lermontovian nihilism, that I can say such a thing?”. I’m not even sure if this is something I should be ashamed of. I mean, these are people that I’m not close to. Is it possible to love someone simply by blood? I believe it is; I know people who only know how to love by blood. However, it is not possible for me. In fact, blood has no bearing on what I feel for a person. I wish I could even begin to understand this. I believe that my grandparents love me. I feel it in the way that they look at me, the way they treat me. I always wonder if anyone else has the same confusion. Do I love them as they love me?

I can’t tell.

Fucking right. I’m having another mug of savory Hong Kong style milk tea. I wish they just made this stuff in cans, instead of having to go to make it every time. Of course, I bet that too much of this would be deleterious in some way or another.

John broke up with Julia today. Quite the big news. The incident closest to this in scale within the last year for both of us would have to be him winning in the SAC elections. At one point, Julia actually called me, and wanted to know what I knew. It felt a little awkward. Omertà.

I’ve been neglecting Moby Dick lately, and I always feel guilty about neglecting my literature. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only productive thing that I can do with my life, since it’s one of the only things that I actively do to improve myself. It’s something that I just forget about sometimes, when I’m caught in the midst of mid-terms and assignments.

I’ve even been neglecting a lot of games. I haven’t played any Supermario Sunshine, Eternal Darkness, or even Neverwinter Nights lately. The most game time I’ve been getting has been in class with my GBA. I’ve lost touch with my gaming roots. It’s like I need a new gateway game to suck me right back in again. I really enjoy SMS and Warcraft 3, to be sure, but nothing that really captures my attention for more than an hour at a time.

Sometimes I feel comfortable with a certain type of people. They make fun of people, use the word “gay” in a derogative way, and just generally seem very ignorant. I suppose I feel comfortable in their presence because I was once like this, though this doesn’t mean that I enjoy their company. It’s just so common nowadays though, that it can’t be avoided. People who are so damn ego-centric that they can’t see past their own worlds, who believe that anything they think should be the truth, who don’t understand (and don’t try to understand) anything but what they’ve experienced. People don’t think before they speak, using the word “psycho” in an inappropriate manner, or saying “like” on an average of three times every sentence. Sometimes it pains me; of the younger girls that I know, the word “like” is more common than the word “the”. What happens when these people grow up? Of course, I already know this. Nothing. After all, I find that there are as many immature adults as there are immature children. Sometimes I just feel like saying, “Grow the fuck up! Stop acting like a child!”. Not very promising when what I’m hoping for is a world of more mature people as I grow older, something I’m sure that John, being the most precocious guy that I know, has been dealing with for the last 22 years of his life.

Can one truly choose his or her friends? Perhaps our friends really do choose us.

That would explain a lot.