Fucking right. I’m having another mug of savory Hong Kong style milk tea. I wish they just made this stuff in cans, instead of having to go to make it every time. Of course, I bet that too much of this would be deleterious in some way or another.

John broke up with Julia today. Quite the big news. The incident closest to this in scale within the last year for both of us would have to be him winning in the SAC elections. At one point, Julia actually called me, and wanted to know what I knew. It felt a little awkward. Omertà.

I’ve been neglecting Moby Dick lately, and I always feel guilty about neglecting my literature. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only productive thing that I can do with my life, since it’s one of the only things that I actively do to improve myself. It’s something that I just forget about sometimes, when I’m caught in the midst of mid-terms and assignments.

I’ve even been neglecting a lot of games. I haven’t played any Supermario Sunshine, Eternal Darkness, or even Neverwinter Nights lately. The most game time I’ve been getting has been in class with my GBA. I’ve lost touch with my gaming roots. It’s like I need a new gateway game to suck me right back in again. I really enjoy SMS and Warcraft 3, to be sure, but nothing that really captures my attention for more than an hour at a time.

Sometimes I feel comfortable with a certain type of people. They make fun of people, use the word “gay” in a derogative way, and just generally seem very ignorant. I suppose I feel comfortable in their presence because I was once like this, though this doesn’t mean that I enjoy their company. It’s just so common nowadays though, that it can’t be avoided. People who are so damn ego-centric that they can’t see past their own worlds, who believe that anything they think should be the truth, who don’t understand (and don’t try to understand) anything but what they’ve experienced. People don’t think before they speak, using the word “psycho” in an inappropriate manner, or saying “like” on an average of three times every sentence. Sometimes it pains me; of the younger girls that I know, the word “like” is more common than the word “the”. What happens when these people grow up? Of course, I already know this. Nothing. After all, I find that there are as many immature adults as there are immature children. Sometimes I just feel like saying, “Grow the fuck up! Stop acting like a child!”. Not very promising when what I’m hoping for is a world of more mature people as I grow older, something I’m sure that John, being the most precocious guy that I know, has been dealing with for the last 22 years of his life.

Can one truly choose his or her friends? Perhaps our friends really do choose us.

That would explain a lot.

These titles are getting rather vague, which can be a good thing I suppose. They sort of remind me of the way Tool names their tracks (Sober, Parabola, H., Stinkfist), which is sort of an equivocal, general statement on what their subject matter covers. After all, Stinkfist is great song on fisting and societal standards. I’m still unsure as to what my favorite song of all time would be, but that one is definitely within the top 5.

I had a great night, feasting on Prime chicken thighs simmered in a cream of mushroom sauce on a bed of rice. I tried out a new cider, called Blackthorn, which I find is very similar to Strongbow, with a drier taste. I’m still finishing my Hong Kong milk tea as I write this, made with condensed milk, of course. Best served very, very strong. I couldn’t find any of the Rickshaw brand, so I went to a medicine store in the middle of Chinatown and bought half a kilogram there from a sweet old Chinese woman. It was the first time in my life that I had to use my knowledge of the Chinese language, as I guessed she didn’t have a practical knowledge of English.

I found another Dears song called No Return, which just sounds so great. It truly follows the form of their “orchestral pop noir romantique” style, whereas some of their songs don’t. Blood Roses by Tori Amos is pretty good too, as I enjoy the sound of a harpsichord (though my version of Aria from Goldberg Variations is piano), if it didn’t have what I feel is too dissonant a vocal part near the end.

Is when the overscore music breaks into “I’m All Out of Love” by Air Supply.

I live so close to my campus and to my work that I can go home between classes and work. Every time I step outside, my mood changes. In the morning, I’m reminded of the gray skies above the emerald green UCC football fields I would look up to as I waited for a ride, or hung out with John. Usually I try to put on my Bittersweet Mix, and sometimes it fits. Other times, I’ll put on my Sad Mix, and it fits as well.

In the afternoon, the sun comes out, and spreads its’ rays across the street, reminding me of a time I sat in a library, the sky-light giving me the suns rays through dust and the smell of old print. The Total Annihilation soundtrack fits so perfectly, with its’ sometimes agressive, sometimes calm movements.

At night, everything feels familiar, and I put on my Moon Mix or my Breathe playlist. I feel nothing but familiar. I’ve already experienced everything I could at night.

I can see that my overall outlook is changing. Before, I would scorn the sunlight, and cast my eyes downward, wishing for a cloudy sky. Now, I know what happiness feels like. I had finally experienced it, and destroyed it simply by being me. I’m not sure if I actually want to feel it again. It’s something that’s just too much trouble.

My friend asked me once if I had any advice about dating. She believed that everyone just wants to be happy, no matter what trouble, a Freudian, I’m sure.

I told her not to fall in love.