equivocality — Jeff Ngan's collection of thoughts, experiences, and projects, inspired by pretty much everything
Me @ Twitter

Using texts as crows in the Game of Thrones (board game). http://t.co/HUcQA3lD

2 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Dear gin­ger tea with honey: where have you been all my life?

2 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

The three lev­els of friend­ship:
1) enter address in GPS
2) address saved in GPS
3) no GPS needed

2 years, 3 months ago
15 Apr 12

a path you didn't choose

People are for­go­ing their heavy coats for light jack­ets, even a litte skin. But win­ter still lingers in the crisp air, a reminder that it hasn’t been long since those frigid nights, but that it’ll soon be warmer and brighter. On the right days, I can wake up with the warmth of the sun on my face, drive with the win­dows down, and eat din­ner in the daylight.

The cats sit intently by the back door for hours, lis­ten­ing for any birds come home for Spring. They haven’t heard any since last year, and for Byron, that’s pretty much a life­time. Nowadays, I mea­sure time by how much heav­ier feels every day. There’s a com­fort to be found in know­ing that your cats are grow­ing and healthy.

cats eating

 

It feels like so much of what I used to cher­ish has fallen to the way­side. Like I’m relent­lessly try­ing to catch up on sleep, on time spent with friends, on gui­tar prac­tice, on var­i­ous projects, on get­ting to inbox 0. With time now such a valu­able resource, I’ve been re-evaluating things to sal­vage as much as I can. Figuring out the dif­fer­ence between what I truly enjoy and what I enjoy because I think I should, between what I need and what I want.

It’s strange to think that I’ve ended up here, and yet it’s hardly dif­fer­ent from where I was not so long ago. Life is always inter­est­ing, no mat­ter what age you are, and regard­less of how you think you’ve set­tled into it. If you’re doing it right, at least.

Me @ Twitter

Coffee and a pill. #old­man­ritual

2 years, 3 months ago
13 Apr 12

There's someone I want you to meet.

He’s a great guy who looks par­tic­u­larly nice in a skinny tie. His deep, smokey eyes seem to slay every woman he meets, and even the ones he hasn’t yet. There’s a strap­ping mas­culin­ity that you like, car­ried in the angles of his face, but a gen­tle smile reveals his true personality.

He’s intel­li­gent enough to chal­lenge that mind of yours, but so down-to-earth that you’d never feel inad­e­quate. He’s con­stantly cre­ative and a musi­cal genius, and I know you’d appre­ci­ate his work as much as he’d appre­ci­ate yours, even if they’re in dif­fer­ent medi­ums. He can let loose and have a great time, but he’s respon­si­ble enough to know when to stop. He’s con­fi­dent, but mod­est. Funny with­out being crude or clown­ish. Thoughtful and kind. Generous with his time, his thoughts, his pos­ses­sions, and his life. He’s the total pack­age, but most impor­tant of all, I know he’d make you happy.

And while I’ve always been unbear­ably jeal­ous when I think of you with any­one else (and maybe I chose him cause I like to think he reminds me of myself), he’s the only guy I wouldn’t mind you being with if it can’t be me, cause it would be such a waste otherwise.

Me @ Twitter

How is it that the word inad­e­quate isn’t in the built-in Mac dic­tio­nary? Maybe they don’t want peo­ple using that word to describe it.

2 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

You know you do too much online shop­ping when you have every detail of your credit card memorised.

2 years, 3 months ago
11 Apr 12

little victories

Remember when I used to write about every­thing? When there were a mil­lion dis­trac­tions to keep me warm, and all the lyrics cap­tured a moment I never wanted to for­get. The chang­ing sea­sons, the goose­bumps beneath my fin­gers, the taste of affec­tion; it all lived on in my songs, and I wanted noth­ing more than to put it all on paper.

I’m try­ing to get there again. Not with dra­matic, sweep­ing changes, but by rebuild­ing brick by brick. I can make it if I focus on putting one foot in front of the other, liv­ing day by day.

a snowy end

 

So I’ve been cher­ish­ing the lit­tle vic­to­ries, cause they all count. And luck­ily, life is full of them.

Me @ Twitter

Yep, this is hap­pen­ing right now. #ujelly http://t.co/tP31t9Db

2 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

How crazy would I be if I started sav­ing my cats’ whiskers?

2 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Does any­one else get really ner­vous about dri­ving into the mid­dle groove at oil change places?

2 years, 3 months ago
05 Apr 12

Protected: quickly in one fluid motion

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Me @ Twitter

Anticipation just exploded in my brain a lit­tle. #imgoin­gin http://t.co/MgXn2wV8

2 years, 3 months ago
02 Apr 12

this is my happy face

All i want to write about lately is sun­sets and awk­ward hugs and redis­cov­er­ing coconut mac­a­roons and under­wear and sec­ondish chances and grow­ing old and jus­tice and my new aware­ness of food indus­try issues and the smell of out­doors no mat­ter what the sea­son and want­ing to see Germany and my new Magic decks and that last date and how hard it is to do Street Fighter IV com­bos and pic­tures like this

golden girl

 

and not hav­ing to wear a coat any­more and hand­shakes after really close games and peo­ple being nice to me and feel­ing more com­fort­able with barre chords and what Geneviève wears and Breaking Bad and Nick Drake’s life and root beer floats and the sound of a melod­ica and pretty cats and open­ing boost­ers and the lux­ury of say­ing no and how weird it feels to drive some­where in your PJs and intro­duc­ing oth­ers to that aloe drink and the same old mem­o­ries that I still cher­ish and mini-Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and walk­ing base­lines and being sur­rounded by such good peo­ple and hav­ing a PS3 and the time com­plex­ity of sort­ing algo­rithms and won­der­ing if it’s too late to call and how excited Ryan gets when I visit and the songs I want to write and my mem­o­ries of America and scented oils from the Body Shop and choco­late beers and the image of a gauzy dress in the sun.