People are forgoing their heavy coats for light jackets, even a litte skin. But winter still lingers in the crisp air, a reminder that it hasn’t been long since those frigid nights, but that it’ll soon be warmer and brighter. On the right days, I can wake up with the warmth of the sun on my face, drive with the windows down, and eat dinner in the daylight.
The cats sit intently by the back door for hours, listening for any birds come home for Spring. They haven’t heard any since last year, and for Byron, that’s pretty much a lifetime. Nowadays, I measure time by how much heavier feels every day. There’s a comfort to be found in knowing that your cats are growing and healthy.
It feels like so much of what I used to cherish has fallen to the wayside. Like I’m relentlessly trying to catch up on sleep, on time spent with friends, on guitar practice, on various projects, on getting to inbox 0. With time now such a valuable resource, I’ve been re-evaluating things to salvage as much as I can. Figuring out the difference between what I truly enjoy and what I enjoy because I think I should, between what I need and what I want.
It’s strange to think that I’ve ended up here, and yet it’s hardly different from where I was not so long ago. Life is always interesting, no matter what age you are, and regardless of how you think you’ve settled into it. If you’re doing it right, at least.
He’s a great guy who looks particularly nice in a skinny tie. His deep, smokey eyes seem to slay every woman he meets, and even the ones he hasn’t yet. There’s a strapping masculinity that you like, carried in the angles of his face, but a gentle smile reveals his true personality.
He’s intelligent enough to challenge that mind of yours, but so down-to-earth that you’d never feel inadequate. He’s constantly creative and a musical genius, and I know you’d appreciate his work as much as he’d appreciate yours, even if they’re in different mediums. He can let loose and have a great time, but he’s responsible enough to know when to stop. He’s confident, but modest. Funny without being crude or clownish. Thoughtful and kind. Generous with his time, his thoughts, his possessions, and his life. He’s the total package, but most important of all, I know he’d make you happy.
And while I’ve always been unbearably jealous when I think of you with anyone else (and maybe I chose him cause I like to think he reminds me of myself), he’s the only guy I wouldn’t mind you being with if it can’t be me, cause it would be such a waste otherwise.
Remember when I used to write about everything? When there were a million distractions to keep me warm, and all the lyrics captured a moment I never wanted to forget. The changing seasons, the goosebumps beneath my fingers, the taste of affection; it all lived on in my songs, and I wanted nothing more than to put it all on paper.
I’m trying to get there again. Not with dramatic, sweeping changes, but by rebuilding brick by brick. I can make it if I focus on putting one foot in front of the other, living day by day.
So I’ve been cherishing the little victories, cause they all count. And luckily, life is full of them.
All i want to write about lately is sunsets and awkward hugs and rediscovering coconut macaroons and underwear and secondish chances and growing old and justice and my new awareness of food industry issues and the smell of outdoors no matter what the season and wanting to see Germany and my new Magic decks and that last date and how hard it is to do Street Fighter IV combos and pictures like this
and not having to wear a coat anymore and handshakes after really close games and people being nice to me and feeling more comfortable with barre chords and what Geneviève wears and Breaking Bad and Nick Drake’s life and root beer floats and the sound of a melodica and pretty cats and opening boosters and the luxury of saying no and how weird it feels to drive somewhere in your PJs and introducing others to that aloe drink and the same old memories that I still cherish and mini-Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and walking baselines and being surrounded by such good people and having a PS3 and the time complexity of sorting algorithms and wondering if it’s too late to call and how excited Ryan gets when I visit and the songs I want to write and my memories of America and scented oils from the Body Shop and chocolate beers and the image of a gauzy dress in the sun.