I’ve been in the strangest mood lately. Killing my Top Rated playlist everywhere I go, yet I skip through 90% of the songs, trying to find the right one. Talking to myself. Replaying conversations in my head.
I don’t quite feel at one with the Tao. I’ve been letting small things get to me. It’s as if I’m falling back into my old destructive habits, but upon realizing this, I fight against it. The struggle, when observed objectively, is quite amusing.
These are exciting times. Along with the excitement comes nervousness. It’s turned me into a jumble of emotions, bittersweet, and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
Wish I could do something with this feeling.
Since he’s never been bowling before, we decided to go for Trolley’s 30th.
Rock ‘N Bowl is an interesting phenemonen. Aaron thinks it’s for the 14-year-olds to get all hooched up and feel like they’re going clubbing. Didn’t stop us — Trolley included — from getting carded at our table when pitchers.
Five-pin is harder than I remember. Maybe because I was trying to spin everything, so it would either hit the left pins, or completely gutter on the right when I tried to adjust. For our two teams, it was a pretty close match through the night.
For the photographs, I tried to play around with light settings. 2nd-curtain-sync wouldn’t work for me, and I didn’t realize that there’s a setting for it on the 580EX flash which overrides camera settings. As a result, the pictures are mostly flash-less to capture the mood of the wildly swinging light.
The next day, I discovered that I somehow pulled my left glute and right groin muscles. A gentle reminder on Trolley’s birthday that we’re all getting older.
“Love doesn’t end, just because we don’t see each other.”, she told him
“Doesn’t it?”, he asked.
“People go on loving God, don’t they? All their lives. Without seeing Him.”
“That’s not my kind of love.”
I realize that on days like this — when the wind is cutting through the seams of my jacket, when my stomach is so cramped that it twitches, when I’m uncontrollably nodding off to sleep on the bus, when my transfer expires before I can use it, when incompetence isn’t keeping my appointments — that I can’t call you. It just wouldn’t help.
You abandoned me when I needed you the most. I’ll never trust you with anything important again. Including me.
You may say you love me, but I don’t love you. Not anymore.
This is how I realize that love is defined differently by different people.
My love is (was) boundless.
Yours is of convenience.
She hugged me yesterday. I thought I was over her, but maybe I’m still smitten. Physical contact does funny things to the mind.
I don’t understand why girls are so into hugging. Often, I’ll go for a handshake, and as if it doesn’t take, they’ll lean in to hug afterward. A girl once asked if she could hug me after I explained to her my procedure for checking a cat before adoption. Figure that one out.
The funny thing is that most girls aren’t very good huggers. They give limp hugs — more of a pressing of the arms to the body — and it bugs the crap out of me. It’s like getting a soft handshake, also referred to as the “limp noodle”.
Bronwen’s an exception. I always give and get a bear hug from her when I see her and when she leaves. Sometimes we fight for arm positioning, because we both prefer to have the arms lower than the other. I like to have my arms around a girls’ waist, whereas she likes to have her arms surrounded, so she feels protected.
The two Louise’s are/were also good at hugging. Nice and firm, without being too clingy. Maybe it’s a Louise thing.
It just makes me wonder; if girls are so into hugging, why aren’t they better at it?
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to find out you’ll be in town the day after I write about you.
The way the young man I just met is taking the same bus home with me. The way the friend who’s been lost forever suddenly shows up, packing your bags in the checkout line.
But I know it’s not a sign. It’s not some cosmic path, just the way things are working out. At least, I think so. My life has been filled with such occurrences, and I’ll be damned if it all doesn’t start to mean something.
See you tomorrow.