equivocality — Jeff Ngan's collection of thoughts, experiences, and projects, inspired by pretty much everything
30 Mar 07

Don't Let Me Lose This Feeling

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I still stag­ger and fall. Of course I have that, it hap­pens to me all the time, you just have to get very care­ful about it, because it’s inap­pro­pri­ate for an elderly chap to reg­is­ter authen­ti­cally his feel­ings, you know, because they really could be inter­preted, so you really have to get quite covert as you get older or you have to find some avun­cu­lar way of respond­ing, but still, you just, really are just, you’re wounded, you stag­ger, and you fall.

—Leonard Cohen at 72

In 50 years, will I look at love with the same starry-eyed mys­ti­cism as I do now?

Will I be sat­is­fied, hav­ing loved enough, requited and not?

In my dotage, will I be proud to say that I was adored once, too?

When my friends are gone and my hair is grey, and I ache in the places where I used to play, will I still stagger?

Will I still fall?

26 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Conclusion

Thumbnail: Three drinks
Thumbnail: My clam appetizer
Thumbnail: Jazz night
Thumbnail: Scallop entree
Thumbnail: Tuna sushi
Thumbnail: Chinese food
Thumbnail: Pecan pie
Thumbnail: Guinness in a bottle
Thumbnail: Bath feets
Thumbnail: Fire hydrant
Thumbnail: Frozen river
Thumbnail: Fungus
Thumbnail: Cosmo horoscope
Thumbnail: Live free or die license plate
Thumbnail: The bed in my room

What an over­whelm­ing experience.

There was barely any time to explore; we took one walk and pretty much stayed within a 10km radius. Too much read­ing, test­ing, and meet­ing to do any­thing else. It felt like the time went fly­ing by, yet dragged on, the longer I was from home.

There’s some­thing about being away. Being iso­lated from your rou­tine and every­thing that’s famil­iar. It’s a dif­fer­ent set of stimuli.

As an intro­vert, you fall back on mem­o­ries and past expe­ri­ences, and it dri­ves reflec­tion and re-evaluation.

I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me. I learned more about myself in the last two weeks than I did in the last year, and I’ll be writ­ing about it for weeks, if not months.

Read the rest of this entry »

23 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 10

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 10

22 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 9

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 9

21 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 8

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 8

20 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 7

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 7

19 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 6

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 6

15 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 5

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 5

14 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 4

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 4

13 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 3

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 3

12 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 2

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 2

11 Mar 07

New Hampshire: Part 1

Thumbnail: New Hampshire Part 1

09 Mar 07

Update: March '07

Thumbnail: Chewie
Thumbnail: Chewies gun
Thumbnail: Sled
Thumbnail: Sled
Thumbnail: Hot dog stand
Thumbnail: Ice snowflake
Thumbnail: Rideau Canal stairs
Thumbnail: Caricature

A design realignment

The prob­lem with hav­ing a spe­cific lay­out style is that it only caters to one mood or topic.

My entries cover a spec­trum of things, so I never stay sat­is­fied with one design.

In an attempt to achieve even more uni­ver­sal mid-tone min­i­mal­ism, I’ve re-aligned things a bit: more con­trast, bolder titles, com­po­si­tion to a ver­ti­cal rhythm, and a lack of that tit­u­lar cap­i­tal E that was taunt­ing my sense of alignment.

Let’s see how long this lasts.

Blogging milestone

The num­ber of com­ments I’ve received has exceeded the num­ber of entries I’ve writ­ten, the lat­ter of which passed 1000 this year. I remem­ber when I first started in 2002, using a basic con­tent man­age­ment sys­tem I wrote with Perl scripts. It didn’t even sup­port com­ments. Eventually I moved to Movable Type, and finally set­tled on WordPress.

I’m glad to say that I don’t get any more of those ran­dom one or two word com­ments that never actu­ally say any­thing, although they’re pretty com­mon on other blogs.

My com­menters are dif­fer­ent. They rule.

They give me feed­back, make me think, and fur­ther the dis­cus­sion of what I say.

Balls of Fury

Edit: I found out today that the release date has been pushed back until September. Very disappointing.

In this secret soci­ety, the com­pe­ti­tion is bru­tal and the stakes are high. It is the unsanc­tioned, under­ground, and utterly unhinged world of clan­des­tine Ping-Pong tour­na­ments. Down-and-out for­mer pro­fes­sional Ping-Pong phe­nom Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is sucked into this mael­strom when FBI Agent Rodriguez (George Lopez) recruits him.

Balls of Fury, a com­edy that mixes ping-pong, matrix effects, and Christopher Walken, comes out in less than a month. George Lopez’s Scarface impres­sion is spot on, and the fact that it’s based on Enter the Dragon (although the title comes from another Bruce Lee movie, Fist of Fury) gives it even more super awe­some flava.

My friends agreed to come watch it in the the­aters with me. Even Bronwen is going to make it, trav­el­ling over 700km to be here. I’ve been chomp­ing at the bit to see this since John sent me the trailer last year.

A trip to New Hamshire

This Sunday, I’ll be fly­ing to New Hampshire — with cohort Louise — for two weeks of train­ing. The sched­ule is pretty open, with nights and week­ends off, giv­ing us a chance to travel and explore.

I prob­a­bly won’t be stick­ing to my reg­u­lar Monday and Friday updates, but I’ll be post­ing when I get the chance.

Confidence and socia­bil­ity comes and goes in cycles for me. When I first found out about the trip I was at a low-point, so I wasn’t feel­ing strong enough to make extra plans. Such plans would have included tak­ing a few extra days off to meet Maggie (aka number18) at my trans­fer in Philly on the way back. One day I’ll get to meet her and take pic­tures of her.

The good thing is that I’m on an up-swing right now, so the excite­ment is start­ing to set­tle in my brain.

05 Mar 07

Rob And Mel's Wedding

Thumbnail: Caricature 
Thumbnail: Me and Mark 
Thumbnail: The head table 
Thumbnail: Wedding hall 
Thumbnail: Bridesmaids 
Thumbnail: Ally 
Thumbnail: Jeff and Mel's cousin 
Thumbnail: Signing the register 
Thumbnail: Jesse blows bubbles 
Thumbnail: The beer patch 
Thumbnail: Touch up 
Thumbnail: Riding the pony 
Thumbnail: Aaron meets up with Karen after the ceremony. 
Thumbnail: Garter fetch 

It was an enter­tain­ing night. A sit-where-you-please atmos­phere, devoid of stiff shirts and long speeches. Rob even donned his base­ball cap for the entire cer­e­mony. I got to know Mark bet­ter too, in the car and at the table.

The only thing that marred the evening was Sarah prov­ing her­self to be an idiot, devoid of any social graces or con­ver­sa­tion skills. At one point, she bril­liantly remarked that she “loves Johnny Cash” when the DJ put on Love Me Tender. Another per­son I put on my list of peo­ple to avoid like they’re com­ing at you with a bot­tle of horse semen.

I tried to get as much bright, high-contrast pho­tog­ra­phy as I could, play­ing around with both direct and bounced flash. I also got to try a dif­fer­ent photo work­flow, which involved sep­a­rat­ing the colour chan­nels and pulling out bits for con­trast. The 24-70mm is sup­posed to be the bread and but­ter of wed­ding pho­tog­ra­phers, and this makes per­fect sense to me now as it stayed on my cam­era for most of the night.

02 Mar 07

When I Die

When I die, let there be no obit­u­ar­ies or announce­ments, for the ones who should know, would know.

Let there be a gath­er­ing instead of a funeral, where my friends can relax and speak what they wish.

Let the dress be casual, for no one should be any­thing but them­selves around me.

Let there be men­tion of my flaws, for there would be no truth or human­ity with­out them.

Let there be humour and laugh­ter, for I love these things in my life.

Let there be no reli­gious ser­vice, for my life has been devoid of religion.

Let there be as much cel­e­bra­tion of my life as there is mourn­ing that it has ended.

Let every­one have a copy of Turn On The Bright Lights by which to remem­ber me.

Let my ashes be scat­tered, for I hope to carve my name on hearts, not marble.