equivocality » Video

is this it

Jeff — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 23:52:27 +0000

I learned that the measure of a man is his ability to stir-fry bok choi hearts.

That High Fidelity is the new (500) Days of Summer.

That it’s nice to be needed.

That I still wonder if I’m forgotten.

That it’s not so much that I don’t have anything to write about, but nothing ever seems important enough to put down on paper nowadays.

That I say oh my god a lot.

That food poisoning is like a laxative for both ends.

That I’m allowed to miss her.

That it’s okay to think others are cute too.

That I’m doing the whole Swingers thing with Lisa, where she’s trying to convince me I’m a big fucking bear.

That I can’t read signals.

That it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re invited, as long as you’re happy where you are.

perpetual eve

Jeff — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:03:22 +0000

This day is the same every year. The streets are dead and filled with slush, the stores all closed. No matter where I am, it seems people are looking for a channel on TV to watch a corporate-sponsored countdown, and I always feel alone even though I’m surrounded by friends.

If it’s the same every year, it’s strange that my memories of New Year’s Eve are so mixed. Jocks harassing me on the bus. Bundling up in big coats to share petit coronas outside. Panic attacks. Blonds and redheads. Rich foods and too much drink. And somehow the people I love and the people I hate end up at the same parties.

Sometimes it reminds me too much of my childhood. My family hosted the same countdown party every year that became the only real time we spent with other people, and the only time we ever caught up with our “friends”. Numbers would be shouted in unison, champagne would be toasted, nothing would change. An empty ritual for empty people. Maybe that’s why I never feel like I belong anywhere on this day. It’s like I’m waiting to feel what everyone else around me is feeling when the ball drops.

© Jeff @ equivocality, 2012. | 6 comments
Post tags: lonliness, parents, parties, rituals | Categories: Daily Life, Video

Anne + Haran — Wedding Day

Jeff — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:06:01 +0000

Anne and Haran had a Vietnamese-Pakistani wedding, which was a delightful blend of two cultures with their own traditions and costumes. Included in this day were three tea ceremonies, four dress changes for the bride, and one giant roasted pig.

When Haran first told me the funny story of how he asked Anne’s parents for permission to marry her, he was sure to include the detail that Anne’s father was ex-military. This fact made him very hard to read, and Haran didn’t know how he was taking the news until Anne’s mom started firmly rubbing his shoulders, and this iron-grip massage ultimately lead to him giving the approval. After hearing this, I thought it may be a challenge to capture emotion from Anne’s father, but now I know a daughter’s wedding can bring out the emotions in any man, and he wore many tender looks that day.

Elizabeth and Jane promo video

Jeff — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 01:27:52 +0000

I was very excited to be working with Liz again when approached me to shoot a promo video for her photography business. Since she does engagements, weddings, and pet portraits, we decided to film all three types of sessions.

Liz lists some of her favourite things as her hubby, her pups¹, her shoes, and her Apple products, so I included little bits of each to give it a personal touch. I also kept the grading crisp and clean with colours that pop out of the screen to match Liz’s style of vibrant photography, of which I’m a huge fan. My main goal, however, was show how fun it is to be one of her subjects because she has a perpetual smile and bubbly personality that puts anyone at ease.

She’s Ottawa’s own dog-whisperer, and it may be safe to say that she loves dogs as much as I love cats, perhaps even a little more.

a horse is not a home

Jeff — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:13:36 +0000

Toronto may be my mistress, but I still flirt with the idea of making her my wife. Wondering if I can escape the life and the memories I have in Ottawa. I make the trip a few times a year, and sometimes it feels like it’s more often than I see my friends here. If I still call Toronto home, maybe it’s time I should make it my home again. But I know it’s a drastic step for the sake of closure.

Sweet and creamy…Simon’s two greatest alcoholic adversaries.

It’s strange to have too many people to see and never enough time. Growing up as a socially awkward guy, it’s a problem I never imagined I’d ever have. There hasn’t even been enough time for myself, although I suppose that’s the way I wanted it. I just don’t feel safe when I’m by myself nowadays.

Lobster in Chinese is literally “dragon shrimp”.

I remember my dad taking me to a hole-in-the-wall Chinese seafood restaurant downtown¹ once when I was a kid. It was one of the only things we ever did together, without my mom. We never went again either, although I suspect my dad went by himself fairly often, and it was a small glimpse into one of his private rituals.

Also, my first real taste of lobster. I can still feel the slippery sauce on my fingers as I fished for morsels of flesh out of a lobster’s shell with my chopsticks. Being there, sharing in one of his favourite dishes, was his way of bonding with me, even when there were no real words spoken between us.

So I treated my dad to dinner the other night, and we bonded in the same way again some 20 years later, over an order of two Cantonese lobsters in black bean sauce, and a plate of cashew chicken. I began to wonder if home is where I’ll always have a place to stay. Where I know someone will take care of me if I need it. Where there’s some decent Chinese food.

Sometimes I get plugged into a new circle of friends, ones with lives far removed from my own. Most of them have regular plans, long-term relationships, maybe a child or two. John is especially fun to observe with his son. He’s more of the provider than the caretaker type (a man who doesn’t even know how to feed himself), so he’s awkwardly competent with cradling and other practical baby duties, but he most certainly tries and cares and loves Will to death.

I can tell John tries and cares and loves me too. He once got me extra maple syrup for my waffles at the Picklebarrel, one of those things he didn’t need to do but did anyway. And since he’s usually an oblivious, inconsiderate bastard, an extra blister pack of maple syrup might as well be a new car. I have no roots at this point in my life, and it feels like there are more people who care about me in Toronto than in Ottawa. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to let go of it as home.

My dream condo, 39th floor, with a view of the CN Tower and SkyDome only a few blocks away.

The holidays are approaching, and the CN Tower is hung beautifully like a Christmas tree, strings of red and green lights creating a spiral wrap. Even the construction cranes are decorated. But they’re still a construction cranes, and as seductive as she is, Toronto is still a dirty, crowded city. A city I’d rather visit than live in, a place with as much to love as there is to hate. It’s a strange contradiction that’s left me unsure of where I belong.

Quite a trek when you lived in the suburbs.

© Jeff @ equivocality, 2011. | 6 comments
Post tags: father, friendship, John, Toronto | Categories: Daily Life, Photos, Video

Jenny + Dave — Wedding Day

Jeff — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 04:00:53 +0000

A special film for a special couple.

I was given the chance to film the wedding of Jenny and Dave on the Hawaiian island of Maui. Everything about the day was gorgeous, from the tropical weather to the burgeouning centrepieces¹ to the torchlit reception. It all came together to create an atmosphere of sublime charm, and I had so much fun capturing it all.

I make each wedding film as accessible as possible, so anyone can get a sense of the day even if they weren’t there. But I also include certain things that would be understood by only the people involved. In this film it was shots such as an uncle doing an hilarious bump-and-grind on the dance floor, or the bride tearing up while writing her speech, or the father-in-law saying a few words while firmly holding the groom’s hand during the tea ceremony. Details such as the latter may not seem like much to an outsider, but family and friends at the wedding would understand how such a small physical display of affection can mean so much.

This was by far my most challenging wedding film to make, but it was well worth it. For a while, it became my reason for living, the one I wanted to be remembered for, and my goal was to deliver this film before I died. There’s a piece of my soul in it, so I can’t say how lucky I am to have been given this opportunity to create this for Dave and Jenny, and how I happy I am to know they deserve it.

(A big thank-you to wedding photographer Mike Adrian, who was a delight to work with, and taught me a thing or two about how to pack for destination weddings.)

The Four Season’s now has a rule that limits the size of the centrepieces, because they would sometimes catch the wind and fall over. This was the last wedding at the Four Seasons to have such massive ones, the rule being grandfathered in, as Jenny and Dave planned the wedding right before it came into effect.

Vikki & Dan — Wedding Day

Jeff — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 18:54:47 +0000

Filmed another lovely wedding in the Fall. The ceremony was small and intimate with only a handful of people invited, taking place at the tiny lookout on Rockcliffe Parkway, while the reception was a great big party at the RA Centre. One of the most unique things about this wedding were the paper lanterns given to all the guests. By the end of night the sky was full of them, drifting away beautifully above us.

It was another chance to work with the wonderful Liz, who is always on the top of my list of photographers I recommend for weddings. Not only do her photos end up looking amazing, she always works with me when capturing all the important details, instead of against me, as I’ve noticed with some photograpehrs. Check out the photos in her sneak peak.

Also of note were the wedding favours, each box containing a pair of candy sushi. The maki was made by rolling a flat sheet of Rice Krispie squares over a filling of Gummy Worms, wrapped with Fruit Roll-Up. The nigiri had gummy sharks as the fish, also tied together with a strip of Fruit By The Foot. Small, bite-sized packs of cute and delicious.

this same flower that smiles today

Jeff — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 06:38:54 +0000

I find myself resigned to someone’s care. It’s not an easy kind of control to relinquish, but lately I trust as little as possible in the future and do my best to go along for the ride. As the old poem goes; be wise, strain the wine, or as Zorba would put it, “DON’T BE DELICATE”. I didn’t plan on living forever anyway.

On a cold night, we keep the only promise made, one of those small wonders that still make me believe. I fit somewhere between needs and wants, temporary relief and long-term side effects, class and homework, nibbled lips and bitten tongues.

I got made fun of in high-school for having magnetic poetry in my locker.

shit.

The only thing I regret is not buying this.

I miss this so much.

The Tavern is Abingdon’s oldest building, with a moss-top roof.

Pot roast, slow cooked in wine and stock for six hours, and served with a roasted potato medley, tossed with fresh seasonal greens, mushrooms, and goat cheese. Lovely jubbly.

At The Harvest Table.

© Jeff @ equivocality, 2011. | 2 comments
Post tags: cats, experiences, food, travel | Categories: Daily Life, Photos, Video

Maui Wowie

Jeff — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 13:58:44 +0000

When Dave and Jenny asked me to film their wedding in Maui, there was no way I could say refuse. Soon¹ I found myself in the only place in the world where Koa grows, and every tree I passed made me wonder if it would eventually be made into a ukulele or guitar. I was only there for two days, but it was worth every moment in the delightful weather, spending time with some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

The entire wedding group gathered for dinner at Mala restaurant, overlooking the Pacific Ocean and the islands of Lanai and Kaho‘olawe. At this time of year, the Maui sunset passes in the blink of an eye.

I learned that there are only twelve letters in the Hawaiian alphabet (which is why so many of the words look the same to me), and the language uses Spanish vowels. Each vowel is usually pronounced by itself (Wailea is said “Why-lay-ah”). I was surprised to see most signs in both English and Japanese; it turns out there used to be a significant Japanese community in Hawaii, although most of the Japanese tourists go to see Pearl Harbor instead.

All the locals are super nice, perhaps due to the fact that tourism is one of the only industries left in Maui²; it seems like most people living there are in the service industry in some form or another³.

From the plane, you can see the low-hanging clouds casting distinct shadows on the islands.

The airport in Honolulu has waiting gates out in the open air, and large trees like this growing in the middle of the terminals.

Both the Wailea Beach Marriott Resort & Spa and the Four Seasons Resort are along the beach, with a path that connects them together. Most of the coconut trees bear fruit, but the ones found in resorts are kept bare, out of fear that a coconut may fall and injure someone. As you move to less busy parts of the island, there are coconuts aplenty dangling from the tops.

Table for one with a view of the sunset. Gigantic crispy coconut shrimp, served with Chile de Arbol dipping sauce. The coconut makes this a very mild but delicious appetizer.

A gift bag from Jenny and Dave, awaiting my arrival at the resort, filled with goodies and essentials like bottled water, hand sanitizer, gum, waterproof sunblock, a towel, a first aid kit, candy, lip balm, Gravol (for sea sickness), Aspirin, and an underwater camera.

Toasts with the parents from both families.

China, the best man, shows us his underwear.

Found this collection of fish tail skeletons at a dock.

The typical Aloha shirt and occasional kukui nut lei (necklace) are part of the uniforms, for the bell boys to the drivers to the janitors. This shop had several flavours of the Aloha shirt, each adorned with a picture of Tom Selleck as Magnum PI wearing that exact shirt.

There are several pools at each resort, with water slides on some, and lounging chairs surrounding them.

There were about 30 people in our group, a decent number for a destination wedding.

The perfect place to lie in a hammock and read a book. This ocean-front lawn was also the venue for the wedding ceremony and reception.

My first time finding an infinity pool, which was saltwater for some reason.

The koi pond at the entrance of the Marriott. Animals run around everywhere, and I even saw a tiny gecko crawling on the walls of the resort. When arriving and departing there are lots of warnings and controls to preserve the delicate state of nature in Hawaii, due to the fact that there’s so much endemism here.

Waiting for the sun to clear the trees on a Maui morning.

The main fountain that greets people as they enter the resort proper at the Four Seasons.

Each island has it’s own weather patterns, due to the mountains causing micro climates; some are hot and dry while others are humid all year round, even though they’re all in close proximity. The topography here is very varied.

Complimentary orange blossom mint tea, in the lobby at the Four Seasons. So refreshing.

The Marriott has water infused with pineapple and sugar cane.

Mr. Cunningham and his fashionable stubble.

The air is superbly clear and mild. One of the first things I noticed when I stepped off the plane was how neutral everything smelled.

I had to ask people where they go for vacation when they live in a place where the weather is perfect year round. Aside from one cabbie who said that he goes to Idaho to visit his family (and he always looks forward to the end of his vacation so he can come back), everyone else said Las Vegas. Apparently there’s a big Hawaiian community there.

Snorkeling

The day before the wedding, we went on the Kai Kanini Boat Tour. A catamaran at Makena beach takes a quick 15-minute trip to the Molokini Crater for snorkeling and snuba (which I didn’t get to try, but I so wanted to as soon as I saw it). After, they had Mai Tais and beers on tap in the boat to go along with a deli-style lunch.

Sunblock train on the boat ride to the crater. The skies are clear and the distance to the sun much shorter, so it’s a good idea to stay well protected.

Molokini Island is a partially sunken volcano crater.

I was even provided with a mask that matched the prescription of my glasses. When I first put the snorkel in my mouth, I thought, “Wow, the last person who used this must have been eating some really salty chips”. Then I realized we were surrounded by salt water, which I’d never been in before. Turns out it stings much worse than fresh water if you get any up your nose, and leaves your skin and hair covered in a film of salt.

The photos from my modest, 800 ISO disposable underwater camera don’t do justice to the clarity of the water. The fish are so tame they swim up to you and nibble your fingers if you can keep still for long enough. I hadn’t shot on film since I was a little kid.

I only had 27 exposures and no viewfinder to preview my photos, so I did my best to make each shot count. Unfortunately, trying to get the proper shot underwater also tends to scare away the fish.

Even if you try swimming to the bottom, the natural buoyancy of the human body makes it hard to stay down long enough to take a decent photo, and the light falls off significantly as you go deeper.

“Soon” being a relative term when compared to the limitless of time, as it took me roughly a full day and three planes to get there, from Ottawa to Chicago to Honolulu to Kahalui.
The other being agriculture that’s mostly been overshadowed by competition from Philippines.
As opposed to those from Honolulu, who have jobs related to the military in some way.

Geneviève + James — Wedding Day

Jeff — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 01:08:21 +0000

Interested in hiring me? Check out my portfolio.

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of filming Geneviève and Jamie on their wedding day. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony in the country with only about 50 people, and a vegan dinner for the reception.

One of the interesting things I got to see was the sock dance, an old French-Canadian tradition where the eldest unmarried sibling has to don a pair of ugly socks (symbolizing their cold feet) and do a silly dance. People throw money at him or her, which is then collected for the newly married couple.

I decided to keep the grading natural cause there are so many vibrant colours in each scene — from tattoos, hair dye, clothes, foliage, and decorations — that I wanted to bring out for a lighthearted, playful mood. Goddammit I love grading; it’s become my favourite part of the process. You can set so many kinds of tones with colour alone.

The colours also led me to decide on using Beirut’s “Postcards from Italy” for the song, as the ukulele and horns emphasize that festive feeling wonderfully.

I also got to work with Liz, a photographer who’s as fantastic¹ as she is considerate. So far, she’s been the only one to say to me, “Tell me if I get in your way”, before I could say it to her. Guess who I’m referring if anyone asks me for a wedding photographer recommendation.

Sometimes I study the films of videographers I admire, and I’m inspired by their style but it never feels right when I try to achieve the same for my films. They rely on editing to make their films interesting, and the films end up looking posed or unnatural. I’ve realized that I have to follow my own style — telling a story by capturing the beauty in the simplicity — because that’s what I’ve been trying to do in words and photos my whole life.

She has a preview on her blog.