Killing the huge spi­der that made you scream like a lit­tle girl does not make you feel like more of a man.

Think I’ll go rent a Hummer now.

“I think I have a bal­ance of chick flicks and good films” #mutu­al­lyex­clu­sive #Alayna

Woah, how did my PageRank jump to 7?

YES. #tiny­tower http://t.co/mFKNPFb

The day your solid state drive arrives is the day you return your new (refur­bished) MacBook Pro cause Apple sent the wrong unit. #mur­phys­law

Peppermint pat­ties do not suc­cess­fully coun­ter­act the spici­ness of kim­chi ramen. But it was oh so worth it to find out.

Watching a movie with Shia Labeouf in it is like eat­ing an apple full of razor blades. Razor blades that are really shitty actors.

Today has been a day of hit­ting many spots. #writ­ing #music #food #pro­duc­tiv­ity #ego #games

Apparently I’m all about rhetor­i­cal tweets now.

How bad is it to add 3 tea­spoons of sugar to my cof­fee when all the reviews say “It’s nat­u­rally sweet­ened and you REALLY won’t need sugar”

How absolutely strange does it feel to call some­one a plonker with­out an English accent.

Some morn­ings I wake up and have to lis­ten to Moldova’s epic sax guy about a dozen times. http://t.co/vYPT25g

The raw white onion is the most self­ish of all veg­eta­bles to eat. Unless every­one else is eat­ing them too.

My love of eat­ing muf­fin tops last > my hatred of hav­ing sticky fin­gers. #short­termplan­ning

Know what works on capac­i­tive touch screens? Tim Horton’s fruit explo­sion muffins. #food­sty­lus