I was late for work this morning. The weather was beautiful on the drive in. There were thick, dark clouds hanging ominously in the distance and high in the sky, but the sun was out, bathing everything in brightness. The wind was refreshingly cool, so I had to roll the windows down.

In another weird phase lately. Hyper again. Currently feeling this part from verse 35 of the Tao Te Jing:

Hold fast to the Great Form within and let the world pass as it may
Then the changes of life will not bring pain but contentment, joy, and well-being

Sometimes, I feel like I’m being tested. It hasn’t really been going badly, but it’s certainly a mix of ups and downs, resolutions and frustrations.

I started to notice that I’ve been talking to myself when alone. Sometimes I laugh aloud too. I once read an article about a young man who did a solo transatlantic journey by boat that took several weeks, and he said that talking to yourself is normal; it’s when you start to answer your own questions that you should be worried. I think I’ll be alright.

I’ve come to accept the way things have turned out. I’ve felt this way before, but it never lasted more than a couple months, something that happens when I lose sight of the tao. Hopefully it won’t be so ephemeral this time. I just need to remember that things will continue to work out on their own. To stop trying to force things to happen. To breathe.

And to hold fast to the way that cannot be walked.

So the next two weeks are:

• a walk by the river with Frédéric, Misun, and their two boys
• four Tai Chi classes
• a haircut with Jeff
• table tennis with Dan at the university, then back to my place to watch Constantine
• Victoria Day long weekend
• a tattoo appointment
• a session with the therapist
• lunch and a movie with Aaron

Not including the work I need to do on my latest photo project for the next show. I’m also supposed to catch up with Naveed at some point in there; he’s having a pool party for his latest investment property. I got us some cigars because he’s a new father, which I’ll have to do for Aaron as well, since his first (a boy) is on the way.

Busyness seems to come all at once, leaving me bewildered. Never a bit here and there.

Then all of a sudden, I’m alone for days at a time, wondering what happened and where everyone went. It’s a strange flux that goes from one extreme to the other.

The goal becomes a balance of both. That way, the solitude is a welcome change from the overstimulation and vice-versa.

Lights down, sound up, for this one. Maybe some tea and a pastry if it’s not too late.

Stripped down, the beat alternates between triplet-three-one-two-three-one-two and one-two-three-one-two-three-one-two, fooling the listener into thinking it’s in some sort of complex time-signature. It’s actually based in common time, but with the triplets in there and the down-beat (marked by the open snare) falling on four and then three of the next bar, the song takes on a syncopated rhythm. This isn’t what makes the song good, though. It’s all Karen O and her voice.

I’ve been so moody lately. Up and down. Developments and denouements. Most likely a result of my overthinking and overplanning over everything. Still trying to take things one day at a time, without rushing head first, without falling head over heels.

I’ve begun seeing my psychologist on a session-by-session basis (instead of on a schedule — an indication of progress). In between, my Tai Chi classes have become my therapy. There’s something about class that centres me; the camaraderie, the movements, the breathing, the contact, the feeling that I’m improving a part of myself, bit by bit, even if it’s subconsciously. A time where I can totally focus, a place where I can forget everything else.

Afterwards, it’s a drive home in the dark with the windows down, and the rustling of wind in my hair.

The serenity carries forward. I’m recharged again. Then I’m strong enough to be myself. I’m strong enough to accept these feelings.

They don’t love you like I love you.

• I still know the words to the Lord’s Prayer and Amazing Grace, thanks to my years at Catholic School and UCC
• It’s not the words of the speaker that make us cry, it’s their own emotion. Therefore, humans are born with an innate sense of empathy.
• Old people like to pick at their faces
• The pastor may go on longer about their religion, than the person who passed away and their faith. This is more to comfort those in mourning, than about honouring the memory of the dead.
• Knowing someone for only a month before getting married can lead to over sixty years of marital bliss

Having front row tickets to see Russell Peters means that you’re a fairly big target for being picked on.

Especially after Pat yells “WOO” amid an otherwise silent theatre when Russell starts to explain how Chinese people aren’t as cheap as Indian people. From that point, we were known as the “Wu” family, and he’d refer to us when talking to the Chinese crowd.

No one is off-limits though, and his ethnic jokes cover a spectrum of races as wide as the earth. I suppose that’s how he pulls off his particular brand of stereotyping comedy. Ottawa is an especially fitting place, where minorities mingle instead of segregate, and perhaps it’s exactly this reason that the crowd is so ebullient. It almost as if his set is written for us.

Afterwards, it was back to Pat and Jen’s for some conversation over hot chocolate from their Tassimo. A scoop of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream dropped into said beverage turns it into a yummy candy-cane hot chocolate, something I must explore further in the future.