I think I’ve been struck with an even greater need for antipathy than before, but this is no pleasurable need. My mind burns with painful ideas, and it knots my stomach. I feel awkward thinking about it every time.

I need antipathy to feel normal again. To know that I am worth something. Why must I find out so much about something that pains me so much? Perhaps I simply think about the situation too much, and I’ve become hyper-sensitive to it. Yes, that’s probably it.

Hope is the mindkiller.