a quiet moment

I took a break from gui­tar. Not a con­scious deci­sion, just days that were busy enough that I didn’t think of pick­ing her up, which means I don’t even know how long I’d stopped. All I know is that it was long, cause I feel the strings vibrat­ing through every piece of wood that touches my body now, one of those sen­sa­tions you stop notic­ing after enough time.

I haven’t had much to say either. Nothing seems impor­tant. At the same time, I’m try­ing to move away from this social media over­load, where so many peo­ple speak only cause the power to do makes them believe they should. It’s mak­ing the gaps between my entries longer and longer, and I won­der if I’ll even­tu­ally stop writ­ing altogether.

getting dressed

 

All I have are mem­o­ries of lives I lived so long ago that I feel like I’m watch­ing them in 8mm. The friends and the lovers, the love and the hate, the cycles and the pat­terns. I’m only now sort­ing out the mean­ing of each one, maybe cause I’ve finally grown enough to under­stand myself and my rela­tion­ship with the world at large. It’s com­fort­ing to see how far I’ve come when com­par­ing the per­son I am now to each per­son I used to be.

But such progress came at the cost of my inno­cence; we aren’t always ready to learn the harder lessons, and sur­viv­ing some­times means we change in ways that pre­vent us from becom­ing the peo­ple we’re meant to be. I’m try­ing to take back that inno­cence now, cause I know my hap­pi­ness is at stake.

7 comments

  1. I just heard one com­ment that Jobs was meant to die young because the iPhone has done so much evil, it’s made peo­ple con­stantly enslaved to mean­ing­less messages.

    I hope you won’t stop writ­ing. As for myself, writ­ing helps put ideas in perspective.

    Maybe who we’re meant to be can change, not even change for the bet­ter or change for the worse…just change. It may even bring new hap­pi­ness, some­thing we may not have realised before.

    • Writing used to help me think things through, but lately talk­ing to peo­ple has replaced this. I don’t know why talk­ing has been a bet­ter out­let than writ­ing. Maybe it’s all stuff I don’t want to have a record of.

      I’ve been adjust­ing my idea of “bet­ter”, so change is def­i­nitely possible.

      • You know, after all these years, I’m no longer sure what “bet­ter” means any­more, i.e., I’m a bit lost myself.

      • That’s inter­est­ing to hear. Was there a sig­nif­i­cant event that changed your per­spec­tive, or some­thing you’ve grad­u­ally come to over time?

      • It’s grad­ual. The more I look around, and the more I think…you know.

  2. I’ll be happy if you’re happy either way.

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