Viewing archives for July 2011   //
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everybody's gotta learn sometime

1

It’s strange to feel like I’m ready for a rela­tion­ship at only this point in my life. It didn’t seem right that any­one should love me if I didn’t love myself, and that didn’t really start until recently.

It also took a good round of ther­apy to fig­ure out that I was sab­o­tag­ing my rela­tion­ships so no one could have the chance to hurt me. If I con­sider which ones would have worked out had that not been an issue that caused me to break up with my girl­friends in order to pro­tect myself, I can only think of one. But that was a long time ago, and while we may have worked then, it’s no guar­an­tee for the peo­ple we’ve become, as I’m sure there’s been a lot of growth on both our ends. It’s only now that I feel like my per­sonal evo­lu­tion has reached a peak, a place where I’m sat­is­fied with who I am, and there won’t likely be any more dras­tic changes that may affect the dynam­ics of a relationship.

I’ve been able to rec­og­nize that the risk of get­ting hurt is insep­a­ra­ble from the trust we place in the peo­ple we love, and that risk is always worth it. I’ve left behind my bag­gage, some­thing no one else should have to deal with, and I’ve had enough expe­ri­ence to know exactly what I’m look­ing for in a rela­tion­ship and what kind of peo­ple work with me.

Took me 30 years to fig­ure it all out, but everybody’s gotta learn sometime.

Date  July 31, 2011
Tags 
Categories  Random Thoughts
Me @ Twitter

The Ottawa Humane Society web­site is my Lavalife.

6 months ago

the charms of our idle dreary days

10

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Don’t have much to say lately. Sometimes I get stuck at the title.

I’ve been hold­ing off on start­ing var­i­ous classes cause I’m not quite into my reg­u­lar pace of life. I’m still rid­ing the crests of over-stimulation from my trip, not yet ready to be rou­tinely see­ing peo­ple. Consequently, this means I lose sense of time, weekly classes once being my anchor points for cer­tain days of the week.

Ottawa balanced art sculptures/Sculptures en Pierre Équilibrée

 

I always look for­ward to grey and dreary days, when it’s the per­fect excuse to stay inside and just tin­ker on the guitar.

I never feel lonely any­more. I’m too comfy in the house, too occu­pied with this sense of hedo­nism, too busy pour­ing myself into my projects, too spoiled by life I’m liv­ing, too blessed by the cards I was dealt. Sometimes I end up park­ing my car at a strange angle one could never hope to repli­cate, and I’m sure this is how my neigh­bours can tell I haven’t been out in more than a week.

Hintonburger

The Hintonburger: a six ounce hand­made local beef patty with bacon, cheese, sig­na­ture bar­beque sauce, and fuck yeah.

All I ever wanted was a lit­tle bit of peace. Now that I’ve found it, I’ve stopped think­ing about the future. Right now is good enough.

Date  July 26, 2011
Tags 
Categories  Daily Life Photos Random
Me @ Twitter

Dear guy who just came to my site from a search for “what makes guys look creepy to strip­pers”: ask­ing that means you’re likely not a creep.

6 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Killing the huge spi­der that made you scream like a lit­tle girl does not make you feel like more of a man.

Think I’ll go rent a Hummer now.

6 months, 1 week ago
Me @ Twitter

“I think I have a bal­ance of chick flicks and good films” #mutu­al­lyex­clu­sive #Alayna

6 months, 1 week ago
Me @ Twitter

Woah, how did my PageRank jump to 7?

6 months, 1 week ago

I've decided that first dates will begin with the trading of mixtapes

15

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I know it wasn’t a date, but I still swooned when I found your playlist in inide lo-fi type­writ­ten let­ters, wrapped with chem­istry notes. It only makes sense that a col­lec­tion of songs be my new stan­dard for a first impres­sion on any roman­tic endeavours.

This became my bat­tle cry. The BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM of the toms that com­pel my body to heave when I’m pre­tend­ing to sing those har­monies to an empty sky.

mixtape playlist front

 

I can trace moments of my past through your music; sum­mer days spent with a Girlfriend’s Dog, a hope­less infat­u­a­tion with auf der Maur’s Celebrity Skin, tinny speak­ers blast­ing Porno Mouth in the room where I lost my vir­gin­ity on a soft sin­gle bed that seemed a huge can­vas to our naked bod­ies. Maybe that’s why you already under­stood so much of me. It’s like we’re dif­fer­ent land­scapes rep­re­sented using the same cartography.

Read the rest of this entry »

Date  July 18, 2011
Tags 
Categories  Snaps
Me @ Twitter

YES. #tiny­tower http://t.co/mFKNPFb

6 months, 1 week ago
Me @ Twitter

The day your solid state drive arrives is the day you return your new (refur­bished) MacBook Pro cause Apple sent the wrong unit. #mur­phys­law

6 months, 2 weeks ago

Protected: acceptable forms of racism

7

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Date  July 14, 2011
Tags 
Categories  Thoughts
Me @ Twitter

Peppermint pat­ties do not suc­cess­fully coun­ter­act the spici­ness of kim­chi ramen. But it was oh so worth it to find out.

6 months, 2 weeks ago
Me @ Twitter

Watching a movie with Shia Labeouf in it is like eat­ing an apple full of razor blades. Razor blades that are really shitty actors.

6 months, 3 weeks ago

warm divinity

0

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Music sounds so good. It’s like every­thing has a beat I can dance to.

Sometimes I start writ­ing an entry based on notes from a few weeks ago, but I end up dis­card­ing most of them cause I don’t feel the same way any­more. It’s like I’m con­stantly shed­ding skin in the words I delete.

I tend not to over-think things now. My deci­sions are based on what I want at any spe­cific moment, instead on the future, or the con­se­quences, or what may hap­pen as a result. This regres­sion has been one of the most impor­tant (and dif­fi­cult) things I’ve learned to do. It feels like I’ve been going in the wrong direc­tion for 30 years, but at least I was able to fig­ure that out before much longer. Now I under­stand Picasso when he said, “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a life­time to paint like a child.”

Pat grilling

Pat on his new grill. He’s still fig­ur­ing out the hot spots.

I don’t even prac­tice gui­tar any­more, but I’ll put on a song I’m addicted to and pre­tend I’m play­ing with my favourite singers for hours. It’s not help­ing me improve (which is usu­ally what I enjoy), but by god is it fun.

The weeks lead­ing up to my trip were full-tilt cause I couldn’t stand being by myself. It was never that bad before. I even bought an iPad app that lets me watch ran­dom web­cams from around the world, just so I could have some­thing hap­pen­ing live next to me, even if it was two-thirty in the morn­ing. Usually it was a buf­falo chips restau­rant in Florida with mus­tard table­cloths, a beach resort by the sea in Italy, or an over­head cam of a sushi chef in Tokyo1.

Nowadays, I don’t mind the soli­tude or the com­pany. I’m feel­ing unwound and have set­tled into old habits; not get­ting enough sleep, eat­ing at the wrong times, never going out. The main dif­fer­ence is that I get so much less of John nowa­days, which means I feel so much more alone, but I’m strong enough to be okay with that now.

The days are bright. Like a boy, I find it hard to con­cen­trate on work when the sun fills the house with warm light.

  1. This is how I learn that sushi chefs puree wasabi using only a chef’s knife and a great deal of patience. [↑]
Date  July 9, 2011
Tags 
Categories  Daily Life Photos
Me @ Twitter

Today has been a day of hit­ting many spots. #writ­ing #music #food #pro­duc­tiv­ity #ego #games

6 months, 3 weeks ago
Viewing archives for July 2011   //
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