equivocality — Jeff Ngan's collection of thoughts, experiences, and projects, inspired by pretty much everything
Me @ Twitter

Niels Bohr put the yin yang on his coat of arms and grave­stone. This makes him the coolest physi­cist ever. #quan­tum­mys­ti­cism

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Oh how I wish this was a pop-rap-metal super­group. http://t.co/KWB3UcQ

3 years, 7 months ago
29 Mar 11

Version 12

Version 12 has been retired here.

equivocality.com is now run­ning ver­sion 12, in what I sus­pect will be the final design iter­a­tion for this site1.

The gem cannot be polished without friction

I’ve been itch­ing for a new look for a while now, around the time I was in England, some­thing that was reflec­tive of the peace I’ve made with myself and the world.

Life no longer feels like a draft where I’m try­ing to fig­ure things out, so I’ve aban­doned the beloved graph paper back­ground which debuted in ver­sion 9. Most ele­ments and text have been toned down a bit2 to give things a slick, clean, and pol­ished look, very much inspired by Jin Yang’s blog. I’m still in love with the large single-column lay­out that lets me post big pic­tures and videos, and most of the design is still based around that.

I’ve never been a fan of ver­ti­cal rules — they always seem to claus­tro­pho­bi­cally trap con­tent more than any­thing else — but I found they brought much-needed def­i­n­i­tion to the wide col­umn, now that the graph paper is no longer there. Other ele­ments are strong enough on their own to define the under­ly­ing grid. I’ve also added some gravity-defying page cor­ners to bring a bit of depth to the layout.

Even though Version 12 has been based sig­nif­i­cantly on my Version 11 code and design, I decided to give it a major revi­sion num­ber because it’s a new theme at heart. They may look sim­i­lar, but they feel very different.

Read the rest of this entry »

  1. For a very long time at least []
  2. I’ve real­ized that you don’t need retina-burning con­trast to give some­thing strong def­i­n­i­tion. []
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Me @ Twitter

Was just autho­rised to do the shoe game at John’s wed­ding. Now I need to think of the most inap­pro­pri­ate ques­tions pos­si­ble. #YES

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Found a deliv­ery slip notice on my door, but all my recent pur­chases have already arrived. WHAT IS THIS MYSTERY PACKAGE??

3 years, 7 months ago
27 Mar 11

I hit a buck fifty on the way home before I realized it.

I was just try­ing to get away, to remove myself from the vul­ner­a­ble way I felt — the way you made me feel — among the din and the chill. That night I learned that beauty comes in many forms. I started believ­ing I could love again, and my wounds began to heal for the first time since she told me it all had to stop.

There was such a won­der­ful moment of vul­ner­a­bil­ity flick­er­ing across your eyes when you said we hooked up1, quickly as if to hide the fact, while plung­ing your fork into our slice of cake with a smirk on the side of your face. It’s moments like those that direc­tors dream off.

John wanted to know how it went. I told him not to ask, and we never spoke about it again. He thinks it’s because it went badly, but really it’s because every­thing went so well when I knew it was the last time I was going to see you.

Those were dif­fi­cult days. I always believed you could have saved me, until I real­ized that I needed to save myself. Not that it mat­ters. Things are dif­fer­ent now any­way. I have a ten­dency to say too much; all too often I mis­take open­ness for inti­macy, and it gets me in trouble.

I always imag­ine that you’ve fig­ured things out, and have been caught up in your own hap­pi­ness ever since. People like you were never meant to speak of heartbreak.

  1. Instead of the vul­gar we fucked or the pedes­trian we slept together. []
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Me @ Twitter

Pretty sure I’ll be stick­ing my penis in this at some point. #mak­inglove­to­warm­bev­er­ages http://t.co/ueY3Bex

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Turns out the bear­ings on my tri­pod stiffen to the point of fail­ure in –10C weather. Also, my balls.

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Second time in a row that I wasn’t carded at the LCBO. 30 must be the age when I stopped look­ing 18. #asian­ge­nes

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

The cinematographer’s ver­sion of “all dressed up with no place to go”: all geared up with noth­ing to film.

3 years, 7 months ago
25 Mar 11

Pendulum — The Island

I’ve always main­tained that a per­son isn’t alive if their heart doesn’t pound out of their chest when lis­ten­ing to The Island by Pendulum1.

It’s a grad­ual build-up, most of Pt. 1 Dawn being the devel­op­ment until Pt. 2 Dusk hits (at about the 5:20 mark in the video) and the beats really kick in. Then it’s just waves and waves wash­ing over my body like small orgasms and every hair stands on end.

It’s mes­mer­iz­ing to lit­er­ally see how this music makes me feel, as the rip­ples of goose­bumps crest and sub­side. I can trace the paths of shiv­ers across my skin; some last longer, though they may not be as strong, while oth­ers come and go quickly, my body unable to sus­tain the climax.

This is the only song that has this kind of effect on me. There are plenty of other tracks that give me goose­bumps, but none of them do it so many times or with such inten­sity. By far the strongest peak is dur­ing the bridge at 7:10, when every­thing sub­sides to the organ, and it’s like you’re being bathed in the warm light of a sunrise.

  1. To get the full effect, you def­i­nitely need head­phones. Otherwise, it should be loud enough to war­rant a noise-complaint by your neigh­bours down the street. []
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Me @ Twitter

Girls and/or gui­tar play­ers: explain to me how you keep nails any longer than 1mm with­out break­ing them.

3 years, 7 months ago
Me @ Twitter

It’s Aaron’s birth­day, and he gives me this: http://t.co/FlFQsqk

3 years, 7 months ago
22 Mar 11

i know i found the recipe for me

All I do nowa­days is dance. Not in any coor­di­nated man­ner, mind you, and cer­tainly not in the pres­ence of any­one else.

I’m only now start­ing to real­ize how nec­es­sary it was for me to sur­vive that cru­cible last year, and how impor­tant it was for me to save myself. It hasn’t tem­pered the extremes, but they don’t last as long anymore.

Blue Mountain village at night

 

It’s com­fort­ing to know I’ve been through this before. It wasn’t all for noth­ing. I’m a lit­tle wiser now, and I’m not going to make the same mis­takes again.

This win­ter hit us heavy once more, and like it I refuse to die.

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Me @ Twitter

I have moved to pro­gres­sively smaller cones. Many, many of them. http://t.co/ezjMv9P

3 years, 7 months ago