equivocality — Jeff Ngan's collection of thoughts, experiences, and projects, inspired by pretty much everything
Me @ Twitter

Dear every beer com­mer­cial about pick­ing up women,

I want to punch you in the fuck­ing face.

Sincerely, me.

4 years ago
30 Sep 10

bokeh

Went for a walk in the mar­ket today.

Saw a yellow-haired home­less man almost get run over as he absent-mindedly tried to cross the street against traf­fic. When the dri­ver gave him an extended honk, he took a slow drag from his cig­a­rette as he saun­tered back to the side­walk. There was no shame on his face, no embar­rass­ment, no worry. He couldn’t have cared less. It was as if you could take noth­ing more from him.

bokeh

 

I’ve always loved people-watching, and today was no excep­tion. A lit­tle game I play with myself to fig­ure out someone’s tastes and habits through their man­ner­isms. There were peo­ple on every cor­ner, and so much won­der held in the mys­tery of every one of them. It’s impos­si­ble not to feel hope at this realization.

I’m always after that moment, when I’m caught between the focus and the enig­matic blur, lost to the colours and the wind on my skin, and try­ing to make it last a lifetime.

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30 Sep 10

Protected: wish you were here

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Me @ Twitter

Wondering if the con­ve­nience of using a grater to shred cheese is mit­i­gated by how much of a has­sle it is to clean.

4 years ago
27 Sep 10

House Show II: Invitation

Owing to the suc­cess of last year’s house show, I’ve invited both Shane Watt and Jesse Dangerously to come and per­form again next month. Not only will there be awe­some music and an assort­ment of mini-cupcakes hosted in my liv­ing room, it’ll also be Jesse’s birth­day party.

This will be a col­lab­o­ra­tion across Eastern Canada, as Shane will be com­ing from Montreal (with a poten­tial secret guest), and Rosie will be trav­el­ing from Halifax on man­dolin to join Audra, Nic (also com­ing from Montreal, as Rockefort F. Loopfrog, the beat­maker), and I as part of the Dangerson Famile. However, I don’t think Dolly will be mak­ing an appear­ance because the sheer num­ber of peo­ple in the house last time really freaked her out.

second house show flier

I had a lot of fun mak­ing this flyer, fea­tur­ing Mr. Cupcake. The great thing about Avenir is that it sup­ports so many vari­a­tions of the type­face, which lets you make movie and con­cert posters in the clas­sic style of a full-justified col­umn of information.

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Me @ Twitter

Supposed to feel guilty that this was my lunch but my excuse is that Jason was in town and we don’t do this often http://twitpic.com/2sdco7

4 years ago
Me @ Twitter

New begin­nings: http://twitpic.com/2s6asy

4 years ago
22 Sep 10

fall and falling

Darren and I crashed at the same time. It’s like we’re going through this together. I wish I was back in T.O. with him and Chris, cause some of the best con­ver­sa­tions of the year hap­pened in that car. We’re all in the same place, all young men on the mend.

I’m very pleased to say that Darren’s now the owner of a wild cherry sun­burst Seagull Entourage Mini Jumbo (but with a pick-guard and cut­away). And I’m totally jeal­ous, as I’ve been drool­ing over pic­tures of gui­tar bind­ings and rosettes myself lately. I had bor­rowed Jesse’s ginor­mous1 gui­tar for a bit, and I felt like I was pinned under a piece of fur­ni­ture every time I tried play­ing it. It totally turned me off gui­tars in gen­eral, but as I was walk­ing through the Ottawa Folklore Centre today, I saw a series of much smaller acoustics. I had to keep walk­ing. The last thing I can afford is another hobby and another toy.

moon

Got this shot through the lens of my tele­scope, which is why you can see the cir­cu­lar out­line of the eye­piece. Big enough to make out the geo­graph­i­cal fea­tures like the Mare Insularum splotch on the top left. Taken when still bright out, but the moon shone bright through the daylight.

I had a decent night of sleep for the first time in far too long, maybe because I’ve writ­ten more in the last week than in the three months before that. Strange how clear and calm­ing and inspir­ing it is to be rested. I still don’t know what I’m feel­ing though. It’s like I just don’t know what to think anymore.

A ridicu­lous amount of Starcraft II has been played. John and I have even been play­ing against each other, which is strange for us because nei­ther per­son wants to beat the other (out of sports­man­ship), but nei­ther wants to lose either (out of fool­ish pride). I was far more dom­i­nant in Warcraft 3 because it’s micro dri­ven so we never did 1v1, but Starcraft is macro dri­ven, which John is much bet­ter at. He’s proven him­self to be a very wor­thy oppo­nent with sev­eral good games on me. I’m so glad Blizzard doesn’t record the num­ber of hours played in a person’s pro­file now.

I want to be in France in this sea­son. My neigh­bours just came back from Paris and told me it was really foggy. I wouldn’t mind. Really. I’d love to walk down the stony path of rue Saint Vincent — the set­ting of one of my favourite Yves Montand songs — when it’s cov­ered by a hazy mist and I’m sport­ing a cozy sweater.

I spend 21 hours of the day in my room, and I’m never bored. I don’t go out of the house for days at at time. I have nei­ther the rea­son nor the desire to. I think I han­dle being alone too well.

  1. This word totally didn’t get picked up by spell-check, which means the Firefox dic­tio­nary is pretty decent. []
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Me @ Twitter

And it would cost $75 to even out the frets, which is more than I spent on my first ukulele.

4 years, 1 month ago
Me @ Twitter

Brought the new uke to a luthier, who told me there’s noth­ing he can do about my low-fret buzzing. #sad­ness

4 years, 1 month ago
21 Sep 10

Meeting Sikander and Lunato

I’ve known Sikander for a few years now, but the extent of our inter­ac­tion only hap­pened online. We knew each other through the Ottawa blog­ging com­mu­nity, but at this point, nei­ther of us can remem­ber who found who first.

Now he lives in Toronto with Lunato, which I didn’t know wasn’t her real name, and whom is now his wife (I think they were just room­mates when Sikander and I first started talk­ing). I’d see lit­tle glimpses of their lives through their pic­tures, along with their per­pet­ual smiles, kawaii details, and mot­ley assort­ment of friends. It was inter­est­ing to see how two peo­ple from dif­fer­ent cul­tures could get along so well; as Sikander said to me, he used to be a good Muslim boy before he met her.

Sikander and Lunato

Coolest cou­ple ever.

They hap­pened to be in town for a wed­ding, and it was the per­fect chance to finally meet in per­son. We set­tled on some gelato over which to talk; I always mar­vel at how small the cup sizes look, and then how full I am after a medium.

Love by Oka

 

We’d send music back and forth over the years, though usu­ally it usu­ally stays in the ambi­ent, elec­tronic genre between us. Funny story: Lunato told me she liked my video of Hong Kong mar­kets, and it was actu­ally Sikander who gave me that music from the Code 49 sound­track (which I slowed down about 50%). He said it sounded famil­iar but never real­ized where it came from.

Before part­ing ways, Sikander gave me an album by Oka, an Australian elec­tronic reggae/dub out­fit. He once saw them per­form at a busker fes­ti­val in Toronto (though they’re not buskers), and it was the first hard-copy piece of music we shared. A music rec­om­men­da­tion is always gift, and an actual phys­i­cal album feels all the more special.

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21 Sep 10

vaccine (soldier on)

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I know I need to hurt right now. I need to go through this.

I could ignore every­thing and pre­tend like nothing’s wrong, but it’ll all catch up to me sooner or later. These emo­tions are the anti­gen; to feel the full extent means it’ll be over sooner.

And if I sur­vive, I’ll be stronger for it.

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18 Sep 10

third show

Jesse sent me an e-mail this morn­ing, invit­ing me to play a few acoustic tracks on his set tonight at the Elmdale Tavern in Hintonburg. Naturally, I couldn’t say no. I got to his place early, and in the four hours lead­ing up to the show, we worked out the arrangements.

The venue was nice and cozy, with the front tables only a few feet from the stage (which was barely ele­vated itself). There was no kitchen but a bar and a pool table in two main rooms, and this fact meant the place lent itself to peo­ple com­ing to watch some­thing, instead of social­iz­ing and talk­ing over it, as it com­monly hap­pens in a restau­rant or pub with live music.

Self-portrait at 29 10/12

Waiting for sound check.

I wasn’t ner­vous the entire night until the minute up to the very first song; I was doing the main chords and it would have been painfully obvi­ous had I made a mistake.

And since we were unam­pli­fied, we came off the stage and stood at the tables, with Jesse rest­ing his glock­en­spiel on the front-most one. It made the audi­ence all the more vis­i­ble — and me all the more ner­vous — so I just kept my eye on Jesse for tim­ing and vol­ume cues to take my mind off it.

But with a lit­tle more time, expe­ri­ence, and prac­tice, we nailed every track. Also included was an appro­pri­ately spot­lighted group high-five after the Videotape-Write Protected-VCR med­ley, which is cer­tainly the most dif­fi­cult piece (on my end) due to the fact that I’m play­ing the vamp that leads the tran­si­tion between each piece and the tim­ing is really tricky to get down. I also noticed that I kept strum­ming my strings habit­u­ally to make sure I was in tune to avoid the dis­as­ter that hap­pened last time.

A tall, dark-haired gen­tle­man with a cig­a­rette in his hand said, “Good job, buddy. It sounded great.” as I was walk­ing by to load gear in my car. It was a nice lit­tle acknowledgment.

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Me @ Twitter

Just over­heard a Caucasian cou­ple ask a clerk at T&T (Asian super­mar­ket) if they have any hum­mus. The Chinese clerk didn’t get it.

4 years, 1 month ago
Me @ Twitter

It’s a lot eas­ier to be moti­vated to keep a clean house when you work from home.

4 years, 1 month ago