equivocality — Jeff Ngan's collection of thoughts, experiences, and projects, inspired by pretty much everything
30 Apr 10

sunshine on road trips

The three of us, plus boy.

Like old times — camp­ing, week­ends at the farm, study­ing in the comp sci lounge — with a twist.

One of us is expect­ing, one of us just bought a house, and one of us has been think­ing about kids of his own some day.

Jeff with Ryan

One of Trolley’s shots.

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Me @ Twitter

Signs you’re get­ting older: dan­druff in the eyebrows.

4 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

So curi­ous about the ingre­di­ents in the ramen packet labeled “sauce”, but at the same time I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

4 years, 3 months ago
Me @ Twitter

If I got a cat who had to go out­side, I won­der if I would con­sciously try not to get attached, know­ing it may get killed or go missing.

4 years, 4 months ago
28 Apr 10

Grandma died

The details are scant, as I only found out second-hand through Darren. They say she was on painkillers and went peace­fully in the hos­pi­tal. It was her pain that scared me most; bet­ter to pass on than live with suf­fer­ing through can­cer and chemother­apy at her age, I always thought.

It brings me com­fort to know that Mina, her trusty and loyal maid, was there with her when she died. Also, to know my aunt will be able to go back home to a nor­mal life, instead of dot­ing on my grand­mother indef­i­nitely after giv­ing up her law prac­tice and leav­ing her hus­band and daugh­ter in Canada.

I called my dad, and he seems to be tak­ing it as well as I am. I learned all my Chinese idioms for death by lis­ten­ing to what he’d say in these sit­u­a­tions. One is some­thing like, “She’s passed her body”, which always sounded very spir­i­tual to me and plays on the Chinese belief that our spir­its pass from this world into an ances­tral realm. Another has some­thing to do with becom­ing “fra­grant” or the smell of incense. But when he asked if I knew, he said, “Did you hear that grandma went?”

I just hope my cousin Priscilla is alright. She’s a pint-sized woman (even by Asian stan­dards) who more than makes up for her small stature with a razor sharp tongue and wit, but she was the most ador­ing grand­child I’d ever met when it came to our ma ma.

All of grandma’s kids were already in Hong Kong to be with her1 — many of them fly­ing in from dif­fer­ent parts of Canada — which is a tes­ta­ment to how impor­tant she was. She was the uni­fy­ing force who tied the fam­ily together. Siblings would make peace with each other out of respect for her, and the peace has lasted.

I’m not sad. I was already sad when I was in Hong Kong last year, on the day I left her. Back then, I made my peace, never expect­ing to have the chance to see her again. Instead, I’m glad to have been able to let her know how much she meant to me (even though I wasn’t sure if she remem­bered, with the sever­ity of her Alzheimer’s), to hear her tell her story in her own words, and to cap­ture her voice and char­ac­ter on video.

When I see her smil­ing and hear her voice, I see an inno­cence about her I wasn’t used to see­ing. She was always a strong, classy lady.

  1. The excep­tions being my dad and Darren’s dad, who were fly­ing out yes­ter­day and next week respec­tively, until they heard the news. They’re chang­ing flight plans for the funeral. []
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Me @ Twitter

Tai chi and make­outs: the only things that make two hours feel like two minutes.

4 years, 4 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Just received spam for a site on pick-up tech­niques for dat­ing white women as an asian man. Hoping there isn’t a big mar­ket for this shit.

4 years, 4 months ago
27 Apr 10

Version 11

Version 11 has been retired here.

equivocality.com is now run­ning ver­sion 11. For a per­son who was noto­ri­ous for the fre­quency of his design changes, ver­sion 10 stuck around for a very long time — mea­sured in years, not months.

To everything, there is a season

I’m going through a sig­nif­i­cant shift in atti­tude right now. For the first time in so long, I feel sta­ble and com­plete, and I wanted my site to reflect this change. I’ve also been let­ting go of many things, and this cer­tainly gave me the moti­va­tion to update even though I adored the pre­vi­ous version.

I found lots of inspi­ra­tion in Jin’s recent refresh, which has an extremely smooth and slick feel to it. The ironic thing is that he wanted it to be clean and pol­ished, and told me he looked to ver­sion 10 of equivocality.com for ideas. Here I am get­ting ideas from his ideas from my ideas, in a won­der­ful cre­ative syn­ergy, and I think we’re both very happy with our mutual results.

Read the rest of this entry »

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25 Apr 10

Maple syrup festival

There was a maple syrup fes­ti­val in Perth. A bit of serendip­ity too, because I had just run out of my last cache of real maple syrup, stored in a bot­tle of Crown Royal my mom gave me.

Perth is a great for a get­ting to visit a small town with­out hav­ing to drive too far. We missed the pan­cake break­fast in the morn­ing, but made up for it by hav­ing maple sausages.

maple-syrup-bottles

I bought me a bot­tle of amber maple syrup. Apparently, it’s thicker and richer than the reg­u­lar maple syrup.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Me @ Twitter

A hip­ster walks into a bar and says, “This bar sucks, it’s full of hip­sters”. #ba dum-bum-CHING

4 years, 4 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Looks like some­one threw up a lit­tle on my pants. That means it was either me or Dolly, and I didn’t get drunk and pass out last night.

4 years, 4 months ago
25 Apr 10

E-mails that make me feel good

Hey Jeff!

Before I send out a big­ger email (yes, I am plan­ning this event around you again :) , how about Friday April 30th for the fon­due night?
Are you free?

Have an amaz­ing time tom­mor­row pho­tograph­ing! Sergey and I are going back to the Gatineaus just for the night tom­mor­row — I am not expect­ing the same desert-like con­di­tions in my tent :)

And for very obvi­ous reasons.

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Me @ Twitter

I seem to be jus­ti­fy­ing so many things lately with the thought that I could be dead tomorrow.

4 years, 4 months ago
Me @ Twitter

Date Night was a play-by-play of the quin­tes­sen­tial roman­tic com­edy. Predictably hilar­i­ous too.

4 years, 4 months ago
21 Apr 10

Protected: The self coming true

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