Been staring at pixels for so long that I can recognize when a single video has been encoded twice in two different formats. #dork

Been staring at pixels for so long that I can recognize when a single video has been encoded twice in two different formats. #dork
I took these of Navid and Jess a little while back.
More recently, Navid called to let me know the childbirth went well, and now he has another adorable little half-Persian girl.
Rose is old enough to walk on her own now and give me kisses before she leaves.
The fact that I send my error reports to Apple is a testament to how much I love them. #fanboy
Note to self: make sure you hang up the phone before getting all SCHMOOPSY WOOPSY with your kitty.
While I’ve always been very appreciative of what we did have, sometimes I wonder about what we never had the chance to do.
Sure, I bared my soul. I surrendered. I gave her the songs I don’t share with just anyone. I told her how profoundly important, wonderful, and remarkable she was to me. I let her in like no one else before.
But there were parts of myself I never gave up.
It wasn’t because we hadn’t reached that level of trust. It was a way for me to protect myself. To feel as though she didn’t have all of me, so I wouldn’t be left as open and vulnerable when the end finally came.
I regret it now. Not because I think it would have changed anything1, but because I wonder what it would have been like for someone to know me completely. To feel vulnerable and safe, all at once. Even knowing I’d be heartbroken eventually, it would have been worth it to share what I’ve always saved.
I’ve been keeping all my girlfriends at arms length to protect myself. I can’t go through life holding things back anymore, constantly worried someone’s going to hurt me. That’s always a risk, no matter how stable a relationship is.
I have to put myself out there. I have to make the first step, even if it means feeling uncomfortable, because the more you share, the more comfortable you become, the more you share, and so on.
I can only go forward now, as a wiser person, a stronger soul, a better lover.
I suppose I’m feeling nostalgic, or missing her, as is my wont when the seasons change.
Dolly is totally following me around the house and clawing the shit out of my suitcases. Somebody misses her daddy.
Finally touched down and feeling like a mere mortal.
I could sit at airport arrival gates and watch people meeting their loved ones all day. #awwwwww
Note to self: your pants button needs resewing. Keep pants up after taking off your belt for airport security.
Why is my poop schedule so messed up when traveling?
I’m free again after my training, and Dave takes me to his favourite restaurant in Nashua to meet up with Sid and his girlfriend. It’s a small, family-owned Mexican joint with bright colours and an appropriately accented waitress.
Over dinner, we compare our regional differences. I ask them what it means when someone says “A quarter of one” (12:45), because they don’t say “a quarter to one”. I ask them if they take their shoes off when they get in the house (sometimes, depending on the host), because I noticed no one did when I was in a house1. I ask them if they have bubble tea (there’s one Vietnamese restaurant that serves it), because it’s all over Canada now. I tell them New York Fries serves poutine (What’s New York Fries?). I pull out some Canadian bills and show them the braille (Oooooooh). At one point, Sid calls me on my “eh”, contrasted from their “huh” used at the end of a sentence to emphasize a point.
Dave and I drive to downtown Manchester, the biggest city in New Hampshire, to a bar/café called Republic. Every month, Dave organizes the Collective, a group of creative people with a certain energy, and a void in their lives when it comes to someone with whom to discuss their endeavors on a practical, nonthreatening, philanthropic level.
I repeat a person’s name after being introduced to them, a trick I learned from the client specialist course I took in New Hampshire four years ago.
At one point, Ed asks us how we know each other, and Dave explains, along with a story:
When my sister and I were kids, we imagined what it would be like if we were more of us, so we needed an older sister and a younger brother to round out the sibling experience. As the oldest brother, I needed to know what having an older sister was like. And we also chose personalities to go with them. I think the older sister was a heavyset, strong girl with a determined, mothering tendency toward us. Her name was Daphne, and she was the type to play field hockey or lacrosse when she went to college had we known what that was back when we were kids. The younger brother would be a slender, artistic type that was a stylish and careful dresser; “metrosexual” was the term we’d have used, my sister commented recently, had we known the word. His name was Leland.
And when he met me yesterday, he thought, “That’s Leland!”. Now he’s wondering if he’s going to run into Daphne in the future.
After two hours of brilliant conversation and exchange of energy, we go our separate ways. These are my people, and I feel the need to start something similar in Ottawa.
I take a picture of us because I leave tomorrow, shortly after the end of the course, and won’t have a chance to see him again. I offer my house if he ever wants to get away and change up his frame of mind, and he returns the offer.
In 24 hours, I’ll be home sweet home again, but certainly wishing I had more time to talk, and relate, and feel as if there was another kindred soul in the world.
Irons in hotel rooms. Great idea, or greatest idea?
Someone saved me an energy bar because we were rooting for food in the afternoon break yesterday. Best training buddy ever.
After being woken up by a crack of light coming through the curtains for the 2nd day, I’ve finally realized what the drape clip is for. #duh