Been star­ing at pix­els for so long that I can rec­og­nize when a sin­gle video has been encoded twice in two dif­fer­ent for­mats. #dork

1 year, 11 months ago

It's a girl

Thumbnail: Holding belly

I took these of Navid and Jess a lit­tle while back.

Thumbnail: Together

More recently, Navid called to let me know the child­birth went well, and now he has another adorable lit­tle half-Persian girl.

Thumbnail: Hands on

Rose is old enough to walk on her own now and give me kisses before she leaves.

The fact that I send my error reports to Apple is a tes­ta­ment to how much I love them. #fan­boy

1 year, 11 months ago

Note to self: make sure you hang up the phone before get­ting all SCHMOOPSY WOOPSY with your kitty.

1 year, 11 months ago

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by

While I’ve always been very appre­cia­tive of what we did have, some­times I won­der about what we never had the chance to do.

Sure, I bared my soul. I sur­ren­dered. I gave her the songs I don’t share with just any­one. I told her how pro­foundly impor­tant, won­der­ful, and remark­able she was to me. I let her in like no one else before.

But there were parts of myself I never gave up.

It wasn’t because we hadn’t reached that level of trust. It was a way for me to pro­tect myself. To feel as though she didn’t have all of me, so I wouldn’t be left as open and vul­ner­a­ble when the end finally came.

I regret it now. Not because I think it would have changed any­thing1, but because I won­der what it would have been like for some­one to know me com­pletely. To feel vul­ner­a­ble and safe, all at once. Even know­ing I’d be heart­bro­ken even­tu­ally, it would have been worth it to share what I’ve always saved.

I’ve been keep­ing all my girl­friends at arms length to pro­tect myself. I can’t go through life hold­ing things back any­more, con­stantly wor­ried someone’s going to hurt me. That’s always a risk, no mat­ter how sta­ble a rela­tion­ship is.

I have to put myself out there. I have to make the first step, even if it means feel­ing uncom­fort­able, because the more you share, the more com­fort­able you become, the more you share, and so on.

I can only go for­ward now, as a wiser per­son, a stronger soul, a bet­ter lover.

I sup­pose I’m feel­ing nos­tal­gic, or miss­ing her, as is my wont when the sea­sons change.

  1. Cause it wouldn’t have. []

Playing the Starcraft II beta. And you are jealous

Playing the Starcraft II beta. And you are jealous

Dolly is totally fol­low­ing me around the house and claw­ing the shit out of my suit­cases. Somebody misses her daddy.

1 year, 11 months ago

Finally touched down and feel­ing like a mere mortal.

1 year, 11 months ago

I could sit at air­port arrival gates and watch peo­ple meet­ing their loved ones all day. #awwwwww

1 year, 11 months ago

Note to self: your pants but­ton needs resewing. Keep pants up after tak­ing off your belt for air­port security.

1 year, 11 months ago

Why is my poop sched­ule so messed up when traveling?

1 year, 11 months ago

New Hampshire: Day 3

Thumbnail: Corn chips

Thumbnail: Real tacos

I’m free again after my train­ing, and Dave takes me to his favourite restau­rant in Nashua to meet up with Sid and his girl­friend. It’s a small, family-owned Mexican joint with bright colours and an appro­pri­ately accented waitress.

Over din­ner, we com­pare our regional dif­fer­ences. I ask them what it means when some­one says “A quar­ter of one” (12:45), because they don’t say “a quar­ter to one”. I ask them if they take their shoes off when they get in the house (some­times, depend­ing on the host), because I noticed no one did when I was in a house1. I ask them if they have bub­ble tea (there’s one Vietnamese restau­rant that serves it), because it’s all over Canada now. I tell them New York Fries serves pou­tine (What’s New York Fries?). I pull out some Canadian bills and show them the braille (Oooooooh). At one point, Sid calls me on my “eh”, con­trasted from their “huh” used at the end of a sen­tence to empha­size a point.

Thumbnail: Downtown Manchester

Thumbnail: Cross button
Thumbnail: Kelly and Dave.
Thumbnail: Chelsey and Ed
Thumbnail: Greek donuts
Thumbnail: Dave's notes

Dave and I drive to down­town Manchester, the biggest city in New Hampshire, to a bar/café called Republic. Every month, Dave orga­nizes the Collective, a group of cre­ative peo­ple with a cer­tain energy, and a void in their lives when it comes to some­one with whom to dis­cuss their endeav­ors on a prac­ti­cal, non­threat­en­ing, phil­an­thropic level.

I repeat a person’s name after being intro­duced to them, a trick I learned from the client spe­cial­ist course I took in New Hampshire four years ago.

At one point, Ed asks us how we know each other, and Dave explains, along with a story:

When my sis­ter and I were kids, we imag­ined what it would be like if we were more of us, so we needed an older sis­ter and a younger brother to round out the sib­ling expe­ri­ence. As the old­est brother, I needed to know what hav­ing an older sis­ter was like. And we also chose per­son­al­i­ties to go with them. I think the older sis­ter was a heavy­set, strong girl with a deter­mined, moth­er­ing ten­dency toward us. Her name was Daphne, and she was the type to play field hockey or lacrosse when she went to col­lege had we known what that was back when we were kids. The younger brother would be a slen­der, artis­tic type that was a styl­ish and care­ful dresser; “met­ro­sex­ual” was the term we’d have used, my sis­ter com­mented recently, had we known the word. His name was Leland.

And when he met me yes­ter­day, he thought, “That’s Leland!”. Now he’s won­der­ing if he’s going to run into Daphne in the future.

After two hours of bril­liant con­ver­sa­tion and exchange of energy, we go our sep­a­rate ways. These are my peo­ple, and I feel the need to start some­thing sim­i­lar in Ottawa.

Thumbnail: Me and Dave

I take a pic­ture of us because I leave tomor­row, shortly after the end of the course, and won’t have a chance to see him again. I offer my house if he ever wants to get away and change up his frame of mind, and he returns the offer.

In 24 hours, I’ll be home sweet home again, but cer­tainly wish­ing I had more time to talk, and relate, and feel as if there was another kin­dred soul in the world.

  1. Not even in my hotel room, which I found very strange. []

Irons in hotel rooms. Great idea, or great­est idea?

1 year, 11 months ago

Someone saved me an energy bar because we were root­ing for food in the after­noon break yes­ter­day. Best train­ing buddy ever.

1 year, 11 months ago

After being woken up by a crack of light com­ing through the cur­tains for the 2nd day, I’ve finally real­ized what the drape clip is for. #duh

1 year, 11 months ago