It’s eas­ier for some­one to hate me, mis-judge me, or mis­un­der­stand me, than it is for me to live up to their standards.

1 year, 11 months ago

Broadsword and a Ukulele

Broadsword and ukulele

My Tai Chi teacher recently added the Yang style broadsword to the cur­ricu­lum. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ecsta­tic, as I’ve waited quite a while to learn a weapon form. There’s some­thing roman­tic and exotic about wield­ing one of the four great Chinese weapons. I find it delight­fully ironic that it’s a gweilo who’s cat­alyzed such an inter­est in my own cul­ture. Take THAT, my racist and sex­ist Chinese ancestors.

As for the ukulele, one day I found out how inex­pen­sive they can be and bought one right away. It’s a Mahalo Les Paul style ukulele (right down to the square tun­ing pegs) with an extended neck for higher reg­is­ter notes. In many ways, the ukulele is the per­fect instru­ment for me right now; cheap, easy enough that I can teach myself1, and not too hard on the fin­gers2.

It feels fuck­ing fan­tas­tic to be play­ing music in some form again. I did years of piano and flute lessons in ele­men­tary school to high school, and took a very long hia­tus from then till now. And that was mostly in band, when I couldn’t choose the music I wanted to play. Now I can play the songs I like, and the advan­tage is that I’ve prob­a­bly heard them a few hun­dred times so I already know them inside-out.

With my years of music lessons and per­for­mances from my youth, it’s not like I’m learn­ing music from scratch, I’m sim­ply fig­ur­ing out how to apply what I already know about tone, pos­ture, tun­ing, vol­ume, fin­ger­ing3, tim­ing, and into­na­tion, to another instru­ment. Admittedly, it’s been very slow going, and it’s like I’m learn­ing a new lan­guage as I train my fin­gers to achieve a dex­ter­ity that was never there before.

The inter­est­ing thing is that my last few years prac­tic­ing Tai Chi has helped me learn the ukulele. In my Tai Chi class, I’ve gained the patience and per­se­ver­ance required to prac­tice the same moves over and over again until they become a nat­ural part of my mus­cle mem­ory. In the begin­ning, it was a lot of con­cen­tra­tion spent just try­ing to remem­ber what to do next in the form, but now that I don’t need to think about them when I prac­tice, my con­cen­tra­tion goes into fine-tuning the lit­tle details. The same prin­ci­ples can be applied to the ukulele (or any instru­ment, for that mat­ter), and I’m try­ing to get to the point where I don’t need to think about what my fin­gers should be doing, and just con­cen­trate on play­ing with the right kind of expressiveness.

Which is why I have a broadsword and a ukulele rest­ing on the wall next to my desk. Any time I need a break, I pick up one of them and prac­tice for a few minutes.

  1. Because I really don’t have time for another time-consuming hobby []
  2. The strings are nylon, instead of the metal of gui­tars, so the cal­louses aren’t as bad. The health of my hands is also an impor­tant thing to me. []
  3. Though the fin­ger­ing for a stringed instru­ment is really dif­fer­ent from piano and flute. []

EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee. Okay, I think me caf­feine has worn out now.

1 year, 11 months ago

CAFFEINE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

1 year, 11 months ago

Nod

In my last year of high school — which was also my first year at that school, so no one really knew me — I had a cre­ative English class. We were given 15 min­utes of free writ­ing time at the begin­ning of each class, of which I mostly spent mak­ing ver­bal doo­dles to any kind of cin­ema stim­u­la­tion I had recently seen at the time. Around then, it would have been quotes from Monty Python and lines from Casino. Anyone could put a CD in the stereo for every­one to hear, so one week I put my most recent mix in.

In the mid­dle was Creep by Radiohead , and another guy in class sud­denly exclaimed, “A great song!”, amidst the silence of our work­ing minds. Everyone looked at him, then at me, and I felt a red­ness flush on my face.

That was fol­lowed by One by Metallica, and again he said, “Another great song!”, and the same chain of events hap­pened as last time.

He was that edgy kid with bleached blond hair and always got in trou­ble for wear­ing walk­ing shoes with his uni­form. He did his own thing, had his own tastes, and fit in with the crowds he wanted, not nec­es­sar­ily the crowds that wanted him. I was that awk­ward kid who had no real friends, had a mop for hair, and a per­pet­u­ally tac­i­turn demeanour. To have him acknowl­edge my taste for two songs in a row had sud­denly given me some kind of street cred because he was far more pop­u­lar than me.

Some of the other kids started look­ing at me dif­fer­ently from then on.

Would it be weird if I start locks of other peo­ples hair? Is it weird just for asking?

1 year, 11 months ago

Well, that didn’t last long. #weak

1 year, 11 months ago

I will not play ukulele until my fin­gers heal. I will not play ukulele unitl my fin­gers heal… #mantra

1 year, 11 months ago

29 3/12: The Once Loved

When I look at this pic­ture, I see the flaws. The stretch marks on my back, and espe­cially promi­nent on the side of my ass. Those strange red blem­ishes on my shoul­der that I don’t remem­ber hav­ing. The lack of junk in the trunk so com­mon in Asian peo­ple. I didn’t even know I had a mole down there.

I used to have body-image issues. Always think­ing I was too skinny, and too ugly.

Self portrait at 29 3/12

 

Then some­one made me feel dif­fer­ently. She treated every part of my body with as much atten­tion and love as I treated hers. She was the first per­son to ever make me believe that I was attrac­tive too. Some days, I felt as hand­some as she was pretty.

I turn 30 in nine months, and now that she’s gone, I won­der if any­one will ever see me that way again.

The Turning 30 Series

Just got an email: “hi. Your looks very nice ear­ring. Ring in your eye­brow is straight or banana/curved?” How did they know I speak Polish?

1 year, 11 months ago

You know you’re addicted to the ukulele when you’d rather play than sleep.

1 year, 11 months ago

On Being Tested For Syphilis

  • Doctor, with swab in hand: If you’re going to faint, faint back­wards, not on me. I had a 250 pound foot­ball player almost kill me once.
  • Me, hold­ing down my pants: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I have been a very dull boy lately. #all­workandno­play

1 year, 11 months ago

Note to self: don’t go into a pub­lic bath­room with a runny nose (aka the sniffles).

1 year, 11 months ago

I need to be nice to some­one today or I’m going to die.

1 year, 11 months ago