Also, Lik-m-aid is the stu­pid­est thing to eat over your key­board. #hindsight2020

2 years ago

Eating a Lik-m-aid while play­ing Command and Conquer. Something appears to be com­ing out of my ass too. Oh, it’s nostalgia.

2 years ago

Never in my life have I had more of an urge to buy clothes for my cat: http://j.mp/bHk5u3

2 years ago

My Therapist is a Rockstar

As I was writ­ing notes for ther­apy tomor­row1, I was doing some research on life­traps and came across a short para­graph that cleared up every­thing for me to the point where I didn’t feel like I needed to keep my appoint­ment. It was the answer I didn’t even know I was look­ing for.

Now the feel­ing of empti­ness that’s fol­lowed me for so long is gone, and every­thing makes sense. I feel sta­ble again, though there’s still a hint of doubt because I’ve been here before but it’s never been any­thing permanent.

I’m still going tomor­row so I can solid­ify my new-found under­stand­ing. I don’t think it’s going to be a reg­u­lar thing again, I just need the bit of guid­ance he gives me that lets me fix myself. I can’t explain how good it felt to make the appoint­ment, know­ing I had some­one with a pro­fes­sional edu­ca­tion and years of expe­ri­ence in this to give me an objec­tive view. My friends are always there to sup­port me, but they don’t make sense of the world for me the way my ther­a­pist does.

  1. This is the first time I’ll be bring­ing notes, only because I’m try­ing to cover such a com­plex topic that I want to be sure I’m not miss­ing any­thing. []

Sometimes, when guests come over, I don’t wear my slip­pers. It sucks, but I don’t want them to feel less com­fort­able in my house than I am.

2 years ago

Spent over $1000 last week, and half of that was in 4TB of backup dri­ves for video. This is why video pro­duc­tion ser­vices cost what they do.

2 years ago

Like smok­ing, you can tell how addicted you are to the ukulele from how soon your first play­ing ses­sion is after you wake up.

2 years ago

One para­graph changed my life today.

2 years ago

Brunch with Jason

Brunch with Jason Shim

Before get­ting on his train, Jason asked me if I was a hug-person. It was the right ques­tion, because I’m most assuredly a hug-person, and we embraced before he stepped out onto the platform.

We grew up at the same time in the same neigh­bour­hood — a small sub­urb some­where in the mid­dle of the 500km that sep­a­rates us — but never had a chance to meet until he gave a pre­sen­ta­tion in town for the HR Council for the Nonprofit Sector. Until now, we only com­mu­ni­cated through blog com­ments and e-mail exchanges.

When I first met him, it struck me how much tall he was, and how much deeper his voice was than I expected.

Jason is like me in so many ways, some­thing I find extremely rare. We share a strong self-awareness and a pen­chant for self-improvement, as well as the same views on love and tastes in women. Perhaps it could be said that Jason is an extro­verted ver­sion of me. We could dis­cuss things we nor­mally reserve for our close friends, and con­tinue as if we had already known each other’s sto­ries for years. He’s a true kin­dred spirit, and many times I felt like believ­ing in him meant I believed in myself as well.

Brunch was filled with such stim­u­la­tion that I for­got to take a pic­ture, so I set­tled for this one when I went to see him off at the train sta­tion. I’m so glad I was able to cap­ture his per­pet­ual smile, that same smile I see in his pic­tures when he trav­el­ing the world, in Budapest, Ghana, New Orleans, and other places with names too for­eign for me to remember.

Is it strange that I find a small com­fort in hear­ing my ther­a­pist say, “I look for­ward to see­ing you”?

2 years ago

I love it when John admits that he’s wrong. It makes being right so much more sat­is­fy­ing. #haha

2 years ago

Fishing Without A Hook

I’ve been liv­ing the strangest exis­tence lately. It’s been a life with­out struc­ture or mean­ing. I won­der what I’ll think of this phase of my life when I look back in five years.

Some days are eas­ier than oth­ers. Sometimes, it’s a strug­gle just to find a rea­son to exist.

I have to admit that every pain, every sad­ness is inspir­ing. It may make my fin­gers bleed and my lungs ache, but the pure emo­tion that comes out of it is worth it, because that means I’m feel­ing some­thing, instead of the numb­ness that scares me most.

My one mis­take was try­ing to for­get some­one, when instead I should have been try­ing to for­get life in gen­eral. I’ve always had the habit of think­ing too much, and not doing enough. I’ve been try­ing to set goals to get some­where, when it’s work­ing toward those goals that’s the impor­tant part.

I made an appoint­ment with my ther­a­pist again1, because some­thing is def­i­nitely wrong with me right now. It feels like I have the world at my fin­ger­tips. I have so much time and oppor­tu­nity on my side. I laugh at the right jokes. I dance at the right songs. It’s all star­ing me in the face, but every­thing still feels empty.

I’m not look­ing for answers. I just want to stop ask­ing questions.

  1. I haven’t been back since last October []

Just ordered a nice set of reg­u­lar tun­ing and low-g tun­ing strings for the uke. #pimp­myukulele

2 years ago

Darren explained that with­out love, I don’t exist. #truth

2 years ago

Every story of cat tor­ture I read makes me hug my Dolly a lit­tle tighter.

2 years ago