My boner says you're a woman

This is awe­some.

So the English word “serendip­ity”, which is dif­fi­cult to trans­late into other lan­guages, comes from a story named The Three Princes of Serendip. If you’re inter­ested, you can read story in it’s entirety (it’s short) on Wikipedia.

The strangest part is when one of the princes deduces that a woman was nearby:

I guessed that the camel must have car­ried a woman, because I had noticed that near the tracks where the ani­mal had knelt down the imprint of a foot was vis­i­ble. Because some urine was near by, I wet my fin­gers and as a reac­tion to its odour I felt a sort of car­nal con­cu­pis­cence, which con­vinced me that the imprint was of a woman’s foot.

Which basi­cally means that this guy noticed a pud­dle of pee, dipped his fin­gers in it, smelled his fin­gers, then got horny, plus or minus hard-on.

That is some medieval Sherlock Homes deduc­tion shit going on there. What if he later found out it was really moose pee? Would he be able to admit to him­self that he was sex­u­ally attracted to moose?

Somerset syl­lo­gism
Premise A: Somerset
Premise B: pho
Conclusion: bub­ble tea

2 years, 1 month ago

I like how PayPal’s noti­fi­ca­tion of received pay­ment is “You’ve got money!”

2 years, 1 month ago

Nothing like a good Tai Chi class to clense the soul. A 90 minute nap before­hand doesn’t hurt either.

2 years, 1 month ago

Just lis­tened to Bloc Party’s entire discog­ra­phy. Can you tell I’m feel­ing jit­tery and emotional?

2 years, 1 month ago

You Can't Go Back

During his Emmy-award win­ning per­for­mance, Kill the Messenger, Chris Rock had a hilar­i­ous bit on the dif­fer­ences between men and women. He sums it up succinctly:

Women can­not go back­wards in lifestyle. Men can­not go back­wards sexually.

An exam­ple he uses for women is the first time they get into a nice, warm car after club­bing, wav­ing bye to their friends who are wait­ing for the bus in the cold. After that, they can’t be with a man who doesn’t have a car, or as Rock puts it, “That’s how the fuck you roll for the rest of your life”. This extends to guys with their own places, then guys who take them on vacation.

On men, he says, “Once we get the sex we like, that’s how the fuck we roll. I like my cof­fee like this, I like my steak like this, and I like to fuck like this…Ladies, don’t get mad at us. Get mad at our ex-girlfriends. She’s the one that [sic] spoiled it for every­body” because if your ex-girlfriend licks your ass (again, his exam­ple), you expect your cur­rent girl­friend to do the same.

For me, the same is true for girls in gen­eral, but not just in these aspects. I can’t be with a girl who refuses to try exotic foods or refuses to give uncon­ven­tional music a chance, who wouldn’t rec­og­nize the effort I put into my presents, who wouldn’t cher­ish the love and affec­tion I give, who wouldn’t under­stand me, or wouldn’t laugh at my stu­pid jokes, because I’ve been with girls who are a com­bi­na­tion of open-minded, appre­cia­tive, roman­tic, on the same wave­length as me, and actu­ally find me funny (when not com­pletely awkward).

That's why this entire idea scares me.

I know most peo­ple get more flex­i­ble on things about their mates as they head towards (or beyond) the mar­ry­ing age but I seem to be mov­ing the oppo­site direc­tion. Each girl I’ve been with has been an improve­ment over the last. Now the bar has been raised so damn high I don’t think I’ll ever get there again, and I’d rather be alone than com­pro­mise or settle.

My stan­dards are get­ting higher, and I can’t go back.

Turned off Bangkok Dangerous after 30 min­utes. I think my intel­li­gence has been insulted enough for one day.

2 years, 1 month ago

I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

2 years, 1 month ago

I fig­ured it out. The awe­some­ness of this hol­i­day was the universe’s way of mak­ing up for last years hol­i­day hell. #THANKSUNIVERSE

2 years, 1 month ago

John ate pop­corn for din­ner yes­ter­day. He’s like an autis­tic savant; smart enough to prac­tice law, but he can’t feed or dress himself.

2 years, 1 month ago

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Slayer albums may be short, but they prob­a­bly have more notes played than three Leonard Cohen albums combined.

2 years, 1 month ago

Trying to fit a salad on my chicken burger, so I don’t have to dirty an extra bowl. And maybe a touch of laziness.

2 years, 1 month ago

Holiday 09-10

A few moments from the past hol­i­day, which has been lovely, if a lit­tle hec­tic. I’m cur­rently wind­ing down from all the extra stim­u­la­tion, but feel­ing good and recharged.

I read world news, not to stay informed, but to remind myself how nice it is to live in Canada.

2 years, 1 month ago