Lisa’s recent com­ment, where she says that some­one who’s able to teach you a lot sex could make up for unflat­ter­ing char­ac­ter­is­tics like closed-mindedness, got me thinking.

I know what I like, sex­u­ally. As a guy, I’ve prob­a­bly seen it all, espe­cially after being unable to look away at the train wrecks on eFukt, a site with the tagline “Porn you wish you never saw“¹. If I had to make a gues­ti­mate, I’d say that my sex­ual deviancy is about aver­age; I’m far from vanilla, but on the other hand, I don’t get aroused at watch­ing Japanese women tak­ing ene­mas of yel­low liq­uid, shit­ting it onto heated pans, and hav­ing a group of peo­ple eat the cooked con­coc­tion².

At the same time, I’m far from hav­ing explored every­thing in the bed­room, mostly because I’ve never reached the right level of inti­macy. It’s not that I’m embar­rassed; they’re just things I want to share with some­one spe­cial — the way some female porn­stars share anal sex with only their boyfriends, or some women save it for mar­riage — and no one has been that spe­cial yet. That, and the fact my sex life has never become so bor­ing that I felt like I needed to change things up. Besides, secrets aren’t so bad; the fun is gone when when all the secrets are out and there’s no mys­tery left. But even though I haven’t explored these things yet doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like, and I’m pretty sure that’s mostly been deter­mined already.

The last sex­ual thing to blow my mind was when I dated Louise and she intro­duced me to the whole Dominant/submissive sub­cul­ture, of which I had pre­vi­ously been com­pletely unaware. As with a few other car­nal flavours, it’s some­thing I’d like to try with another part­ner in the future, but prob­a­bly only on a con­tract basis because being a per­ma­nent dom³ is too much for me. That was back in 2004, and there hasn’t been any­thing quite as erot­i­cally eye-opening since. Maybe because it was some­thing men­tally sex­ual, not just a phys­i­cal but­ton to be pushed in a dif­fer­ent way.

It feels like there’s lit­tle new to learn about my sex­ual tastes now. It makes me won­der what’s left out there for some­one to teach me (I mean, aside from learn­ing the pref­er­ences of the per­son you’re hav­ing sex with), or for me to dis­cover. Then again, just last week, I read a news arti­cle on a sub­ject of an indi­rectly sex­ual nature, and one part had me think­ing, “Wow, that would be pretty hot”, when it was a very innocu­ous thing that I’m sure most peo­ple wouldn’t even think twice about, so who knows.

1. I’m not going to put a link from my page, you can just google it. WARNING: VERY, VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. And pos­si­bil­ity, san­ity [↑]
2. I didn’t have the stom­ach to watch the video, but John did, and he gen­er­ously gave me a play-by-play of it as I pre­tended to be involved in his movie col­lec­tion to dis­tract myself from the gross­ness. I remem­ber him say­ing, “Now they’re blow­ing on it because it’s too hot to eat” and real­iz­ing he was actu­ally watch­ing the video and not just mak­ing it up. [↑]
3. i.e. 100% of the time. I find I’m gen­er­ally dom­i­nant 95% of the time in my rela­tion­ships. [↑]