Whenever I’m catching up with my married friends, it feels like I’m the only one talking. I felt really self-centered, until I realized I’m the only one with any updates. Aside from some construction or new furniture, they don’t have any news, much less, drama.
I wonder if I’ll ever be settled like them. If my life will ever be drama-free, without all the instability in my relationships, both good and bad.
I wonder, is it really because they have no updates or the kind of life that they lead is completely different from people who are single?
I find that for the most part, people who are married tend to be around other married people as well because the kind of life they experience is much more different than those that are still single.
Even the kind of relationship I have right now, I find it hard to talk about it to people much less single friends. It’s not that there isn’t any drama or excitement, it’s just that it’s a different level of it altogether.
Maybe they were just sparing you any updates of a married life because they think you might feel left out or unable to understand what they are talking about.
Hmmmm…that’s a good point. I’m not sure about that, but I suspect they don’t lead lives that are too different from mine, even those who have kids. Of course, there’s no way to tell for sure unless one was observing for a full 24 hours I’d say. :)
I just saw this on Paulo Coelho’s blog today: When night falls, part of the soul complains that nothing different was experienced, but another part is content – paradoxically, it is for the same reason.
I hear you on having updates though, but perhaps it’s also a function of being single — more free time to dedicate to yourself, pursuing interests, romantic and otherwise.
I bet you’re right about free time. I can’t imagine being able to do nearly as many things (not just writing, but personal projects as well that consume much of my time) if my energy was focused on a relationship.
Would you like to hear my married life drama? I bet you I can talk more than you can :)
Okay, maybe my married friends just don’t tell me about their drama. :)
or they just can’t talk freely in front of one another to avoid being contradicted and ensuing ugly scene being displayed?
don’t know about the particular people you had in mind…
might be their creative energy is used on each other with nothing left to extend to dramas?
or
a matter of turn taking? the way the rhythm of that happened to have happened? where each happened to be in life?
Well, if my parents are any indication, it’s possible that they’ll fight right up until the door of a friends’ house, and then they’ll be perfectly civil. So maybe my married friends are just good about hiding it (though I’m more likely to believe that, as the honey moon stages of their relationships, they just have good relationships right now).
Whenever I catch up with my single friends, I feel really boring.
Your comment reminds me of this XKCD comic; I suppose that kind of boredom is “the price you pay for everlasting love”.
It’s a trade-off: I don’t feel any boredom within the relationship, and when talking to other couples there’s a lot to say; but somehow my single friends aren’t as interested in DIY pot racks, homemade vanilla extract, and Trek marathons (I suspect finding that last one exciting has nothing to do with being single or not).
Sorry, I didn’t mean absolute boredom, just that one doesn’t get the same excitement of the unknown and unexpected when in the comforting familiarity of a relationship.
I suppose I should be thankful that my married friends leave these kinds of subjects to themselves…though I can’t imagine them being any more interesting if I was married too.
Awhile ago, I couldn’t imagine them being interesting either. Evolution has turned me into a nester.
My single self was much more exciting. And nearly suicidally unhappy.
Marriage is, if pleasant, often subsequently boring to others in terms of what you have to say. I’m happy to say I’m pretty much of a big bore these days. An IDEAL marriage, I would think, would be two people able to take risks together (like starting a business together or something). I have not arrived at that yet, it seems a luxury I can’t get to. Still hoping.
Upside: People with kids have it much worse. They’ll talk to you endlessly about their kids’ feeding schedules and sleepless nights and that kind of nondrama. Now THAT’s boring.
Hhahahah…such a dichotomy in being single. Just goes to show you that both sides have their advantages and benefits. I’m sure I wouldn’t be writing nearly as much if I was with someone right now, and even more sure that I’d miss all that creativity and inspiration.