(I thought it only appropriate that I name this entry after another Shane Watt song, as the last one was as well. Amazingly enough, they both go together.)
I’ve been feeling better. A lot better actually. One of the reasons why I was feeling so depressed on Friday was because I was so unmotivated, not so much in terms of not wanting to do anything, but not wanting to do anything productive.
Part of this puritan attitude (as John’s professor dad calls it) is due to my upbringing. The months of summer between school semesters were never a time to relax, according to my parents, it was a time to study ahead for the upcoming year. I was made to feel guilty if I was having fun.
Then, at one point on Friday, I realized how wrong that was.
So this weekend I embraced my lack of motivation. I decided that I didn’t care about being productive. That I’ve been working hard the last few weeks and I’m ahead on my projects, so I needed a break.
I watched a few movies I’d been saving. I hung out with Bronwen. I played some GTA IV (which offers it’s own particular satisfaction in terms of being able to beat up executives and hipsters who are walking around with cups of gourmet coffee). When I needed a break, I decided to do some maintenance on my music library, something I never seem to find the time for otherwise. And what do you know, I ended up being productive without meaning to.
Amazing how a change in mindset can instantly flip one’s mood. It’s normally not so easy for me, because in the back of my mind I feel like I’m fooling myself, but for some reason, it worked really well this time. Probably because it makes a lot of sense.
Next week, I’m going to stick to a schedule to get things back on track. I’m going to exercise some self-control and abstain from any brain activity and start reading one of the books that Tatiana gave me, to help me fall asleep before bed.
I used to think that I should always be looking forward to tomorrow. Instead, I’m looking forward to right now.