(I thought it only appro­pri­ate that I name this entry after another Shane Watt song, as the last one was as well. Amazingly enough, they both go together.)

I’ve been feel­ing bet­ter. A lot bet­ter actu­ally. One of the rea­sons why I was feel­ing so depressed on Friday was because I was so unmo­ti­vated, not so much in terms of not want­ing to do any­thing, but not want­ing to do any­thing pro­duc­tive.

Part of this puri­tan atti­tude (as John’s pro­fes­sor dad calls it) is due to my upbring­ing. The months of sum­mer between school semes­ters were never a time to relax, accord­ing to my par­ents, it was a time to study ahead for the upcom­ing year. I was made to feel guilty if I was hav­ing fun.

Then, at one point on Friday, I real­ized how wrong that was.

So this week­end I embraced my lack of moti­va­tion. I decided that I didn’t care about being pro­duc­tive. That I’ve been work­ing hard the last few weeks and I’m ahead on my projects, so I needed a break.

I watched a few movies I’d been sav­ing. I hung out with Bronwen. I played some GTA IV (which offers it’s own par­tic­u­lar sat­is­fac­tion in terms of being able to beat up exec­u­tives and hip­sters who are walk­ing around with cups of gourmet cof­fee). When I needed a break, I decided to do some main­te­nance on my music library, some­thing I never seem to find the time for oth­er­wise. And what do you know, I ended up being pro­duc­tive with­out mean­ing to.

Amazing how a change in mind­set can instantly flip one’s mood. It’s nor­mally not so easy for me, because in the back of my mind I feel like I’m fool­ing myself, but for some rea­son, it worked really well this time. Probably because it makes a lot of sense.

Next week, I’m going to stick to a sched­ule to get things back on track. I’m going to exer­cise some self-control and abstain from any brain activ­ity and start read­ing one of the books that Tatiana gave me, to help me fall asleep before bed.

I used to think that I should always be look­ing for­ward to tomor­row. Instead, I’m look­ing for­ward to right now.