We’re having a lunch/party here on the 21st for Bobby’s b-day and you’re more than welcome to come. Jay will be here too so there will be more than one person you know. And the dogs, you know them too.

OK: Another COMPLETELY TRUE story: I used to follow a band with this woman who played flute in it. She was an earthy-type woman who seemed to live this idyllic floating existance to me — vegetarian, acquainted with every important musician in town, did a lot of travelling with the band, even with her child in tow; with a solid good looking longterm awesome-musician boyfriend; amazing classical musicianship and jazz improvizational skills; and a pre-raphaelite painting sort of physical appearance. I was so in awe of her.

Then one day she said to me, the groupie-follower: “Wow, you’re just so good at everything. You’re such a great dancer, you sing, you can play keyboards, you make these awesome costumes…”, and I then heard coming out of her mouth how every one of the things I thought were amazing about her were pretty much on shaky ground to her. She didn’t feel she was beautiful or talented at all, and in fact felt really in a sense of flotsamish disturbance about the instability of her career, etc., and guilty that her parents were helping her support her child, etc. etc., and I just sat there with my mouth open.

EVERYONE feels this way in one way or another.

You bring up a good point in your last sentence; it’s important to do these things for yourself, not someone else.

At the end of the day, what matters isn’t what character traits those people have, but what do they mean to you. You can someone who’s a reflection in the mirror, but if they stand by you more than the “better” people, then what’s the point of having those “better” people around?

It is in the power of true friendship that people grow together. Learn to complement each other and in spite of one another. After all, if you’re looking at it from that perspective, what if those “better” people don’t want to hang out with you because you exhibit traits that they don’t want to be associated with?

It still boils down to having someone you can trust to be yourself regardless of who they are.

But it doesn’t always mean you plus the same kind as you would be disaster. I was with a roommate who had the same math anxiety I had, and it forced us to actually work our way out of it — because for once, no one more competent than was around to bail us out. There was a really funny moment when we realized we had to break down a crazy bill into bundling percentages and we both looked at the other one like, well?, raised eyebrows.… each expecting the other to figure it out. Both drew a blank, paused, took our pens back up and grappled it out.

I think you’d see your own reflection and deal. Of course it’s not comfortable.