09 Jun 09
It’s hard for me to hang out with people with same bad habits as I have (or have had).
Habits like:
- overreacting
- worrying
- analyzing or thinking too much
- being judgmental
- getting emotionally involved in arguments/discussions
- putting value in material things
- being impatient
- getting too competitive
I always try to improve and refuse to accept these things in myself, so it’s hard for me to accept them in others. I’m also afraid that spending too much time with them would make me complacent, as I’d start to believe that these things are acceptable because other people are okay with it.
That’s why I surround myself with people who are better than me.
No one is better than you!
At being Chinese, maybe.
Hmmm. overreacting or worrying – I’d be as bad as you are no doubt; analyzing or thinking too much; definitely same;
but the rest I could no doubt help with.
But it doesn’t always mean you plus the same kind as you would be disaster. I was with a roommate who had the same math anxiety I had, and it forced us to actually work our way out of it — because for once, no one more competent than was around to bail us out. There was a really funny moment when we realized we had to break down a crazy bill into bundling percentages and we both looked at the other one like, well?, raised eyebrows…. each expecting the other to figure it out. Both drew a blank, paused, took our pens back up and grappled it out.
I think you’d see your own reflection and deal. Of course it’s not comfortable.
Your story has made me realize that it’s not so much people who are better, but people who are willing to try to improve that makes the difference. Bad habits may not necessarily breed bad habits in others, but complacence breeds complacence.
That’s the spirit. Of course, there is a catch to that though. I do that right now and the side effect is, my constant bouts of melancholy and depression because no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to achieve the same level traits, skills or abilities that these people have.
At the end of the day, what matters isn’t what character traits those people have, but what do they mean to you. You can someone who’s a reflection in the mirror, but if they stand by you more than the “better” people, then what’s the point of having those “better” people around?
It is in the power of true friendship that people grow together. Learn to complement each other and in spite of one another. After all, if you’re looking at it from that perspective, what if those “better” people don’t want to hang out with you because you exhibit traits that they don’t want to be associated with?
It still boils down to having someone you can trust to be yourself regardless of who they are.
I have the same feelings as you, in terms of never being able to achieve the same things as others, but I’ve also learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself too much. The important thing is that you’re trying, not just giving up, it still brings out the best in you. After all, some goals are never meant to be achieved.
You bring up a good point in your last sentence; it’s important to do these things for yourself, not someone else.
Is this why you never call me to hang out?
So what are you guys doing on the 27th? I have yet to meet Bobby. Or Brent, for that matter.
(LOL Tiana)
OK: Another COMPLETELY TRUE story: I used to follow a band with this woman who played flute in it. She was an earthy-type woman who seemed to live this idyllic floating existance to me – vegetarian, acquainted with every important musician in town, did a lot of travelling with the band, even with her child in tow; with a solid good looking longterm awesome-musician boyfriend; amazing classical musicianship and jazz improvizational skills; and a pre-raphaelite painting sort of physical appearance. I was so in awe of her.
Then one day she said to me, the groupie-follower: “Wow, you’re just so good at everything. You’re such a great dancer, you sing, you can play keyboards, you make these awesome costumes…”, and I then heard coming out of her mouth how every one of the things I thought were amazing about her were pretty much on shaky ground to her. She didn’t feel she was beautiful or talented at all, and in fact felt really in a sense of flotsamish disturbance about the instability of her career, etc., and guilty that her parents were helping her support her child, etc. etc., and I just sat there with my mouth open.
EVERYONE feels this way in one way or another.
I don’t know if we have plans. Brent’s at hockey so I’ll have to ask him tomorrow. What do you have in mind?
We’re having a lunch/party here on the 21st for Bobby’s b-day and you’re more than welcome to come. Jay will be here too so there will be more than one person you know. And the dogs, you know them too.
Okay I’ll e-mail you with details.