Monthly Archives: April 2009

Sleepwalk

Hi, and wel­come back to anoth­er episode of “Télévision Educative”. Tonight, I’ll show you how dreams are pre­pared. People think it’s a very sim­ple and easy process but it’s a bit more com­pli­cat­ed than that. As you can see, a very del­i­cate com­bi­na­tion of com­plex ingre­di­ents is the key. First, we put in some ran­dom thoughts. And then, we add a lit­tle bit of rem­i­nis­cences of the day…mixed with some mem­o­ries from the past.

I slept through the night. This means I’m either exhaust­ed or com­pla­cent. I’m not sure if I want com­pla­cent because it prob­a­bly means I’m resigned.

Resignation is so depress­ing. At the same time, it’s a cer­tain­ty that brings com­fort, the same way hope is both tor­tur­ous and inspir­ing.

And work­ing is the best rem­e­dy, then? Keeps your brain busy.”

How can you work? Love is too pow­er­ful. You can’t con­cen­trate.

I’ve been work­ing the last two week­ends, try­ing to catch up on time I lost while I was away. I real­ly could­n’t afford to take so much leave from work with­out pay, and there are dead­lines for projects I’ve tak­en up on the side.

This week­end was espe­cial­ly pro­duc­tive. I got a lot done, but there’s so much more to go. It seems like there’s nev­er enough time, so I just keep my head down and work through it.

I haven’t had much a break since I’ve been back. So this is my break. The writ­ten word.

Feels like I’m sleep­walk­ing, lucid, unsure of what’s real or what I’m feel­ing. This morn­ing I asked myself, “Have I real­ly wok­en up yet?”

Welcome Home

Joel and Charlotte agreed to take care of Dolly while I was in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, the com­bi­na­tion of anoth­er cat, a dog, a new envi­ron­ment, and my absence, stressed her out. She start­ed mark­ing her ter­ri­to­ry (on their couch), even with her own lit­ter box in a seclud­ed area, so they decid­ed to bring her back to my house, and let Julie take care of her from then on.

Cat drawing

I found this draw­ing on my white board when I got back. Along with an espe­cial­ly affec­tion­ate cat, it was a nice lit­tle thing to come home to.

Flirting With Disconnection

I had been writ­ing non-stop for weeks. I’m not sure if it was rest­less­ness, or if I had too much to get off my chest, or what. Sometimes I wrote two or three entries at the same time, because my mind went off in so many dif­fer­ent direc­tions. It’s always been a habit to over-ana­lyze things.

Then at some point, the world stopped mak­ing sense. My mind went blank, leav­ing me with noth­ing to say. It’s like my brain had giv­en up on try­ing to fig­ure it all out. I guess it’s bet­ter than think­ing too much.

I feel so dis­tant from every­thing now. A strange numb­ness, unlike any­thing I’ve felt before. The things that used to mat­ter don’t seem impor­tant any­more. Or maybe I just stopped car­ing.

Every now and then, I get a surge of emo­tion, and I’m unsure of whether I should fight it or embrace it.