Comments on: Relationship Advice From Chinese People

By: Jeff

Jeff — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:25:41 +0000

I think it’s exactly what you say about living together closely that makes Hong Kong people so friendly, or perhaps able to deal with other people. I’m not sure about housing in Japan or Korea, but in Hong Kong it’s so expensive that’s it’s not unusual for families to live together in the same house their entire lives. You learn to accept things easily, because you don’t really have a choice.

By: Xibee

Xibee — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:02:25 +0000

Arg. that was posted in the wrong place, sorry.

By: Xibee

Xibee — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 23:08:13 +0000

Hong Kong culture is so warm compared to the experiences I had with Japanese, and later Korean cultures. I’ve found that centered family feeling in each of the cultures, even with ex-Beijingers, but since I came in as a girlfriend, I was given family reception (even if it took a little time).

But my Cantonese friends took us in (even my Korean husband)just as if we were family; it was that same comfort you described. We were just adopted! I think the more you learn to adjust to living together closely (as they have been forced to)the more you realize what must be done to make it all work comfortably. They seem to know that even if there are issues, there’s still something underneath that always rests there solidly — they won’t ever give up on you. I love that. My husband, having had bad experiences with “mainlanders” in Korea, was so surprised by this, and said how impressed he was by Hong Kong, by comparison.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 22:22:05 +0000

Ah, very interesting. There are many things in Chinese that are lost on me. I don’t think it’s because of the complexities of the language, but the culture.

By: joe

joe — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:52:57 +0000

But “face” in the Hong Kong perspective can also mean achievements and intellectual standing rather than mere material possessions depending on which social circle you’re in.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:28:34 +0000

Ah yes, I should have realized what you meant. And I totally agree that “face” is a strong Chinese concept. Hong Kong especially, I hear, where everyone judges you by the car you drive, the watch you wear, and the pen you carry.

By: Jin

Jin — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:09:05 +0000

Jeff, I meant "face" as in "save face" or "reputation." Often, they're too tied up on how people may think of them, instead of acting normal.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:01:25 +0000

Hmmmm…I’m not sure if any of my ex-girlfriends looked for the face in me. But I can certainly say that the superficiality is a turn-off. One of my exes told me should wouldn’t have dated me if I was white, which is strange cause I felt very Caucasian at the time.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:59:39 +0000

Instead of spotting them (though mostly through fashion sense), I’d say that I can hear them from a mile away.

And yeah, I think my grandmother knows enough abusive husbands to spark that kind of thought in her! It’s a scary thought.

By: Jin

Jin — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 06:22:23 +0000

One thing that bothered me about all my ex-gfs(asians) is that, it seems they all possessed this Chinese trait I hated. The one about “face.” I guess it’s from the traditional Chinese upbringing. I can’t stand the superficialness.