My family always ask me if I’m dating anyone right now. They assume I prefer Caucasian girls. I tell them I don’t mind either way (the other side of “either” being Chinese girls). That’s when they warn me about mainland girls. Chinese mainlanders are commonly viewed by Hong Kong people as being low-class, crude, and provincial. It’s said that even if a girl from there is pretty, they lose all attractiveness as soon as she opens her mouth. On top of that, they’re gold-diggers, just looking for a way to get money or a green card.
They tell me I’ll be fine as long as I don’t marry a mainland girl.
My grandma used to tell me to find a Chinese girl, because Chinese girls treat their men better, or to find someone who loves me more than I love them. She’s filled with all sorts of funny aphorisms, like “Women are to be loved, not hit.”
I’d think your family’s perception is correct to a large extent, but I’ve met quite a few exceptions. One thing almost always true about mainlanders is they have a very fixed mindset and reject new or different concepts. That just makes it difficult for them to live with people from a different cultural background.
Most of my experience with mainlanders is from university in Canada, where they may make up half the classes. They do seem quite oblivious to the ways there, in which they talk rudely in the hallways, stick to themselves, make no attempt to integrate into the Canadian culture.
I agree that a fixed mindset is part of their culture, but that there are exceptions as well.
There are exceptions to everything, though having dealt with mainlander Chinese people at my University as well, I’d say if there were any exceptions, it’ll be easy to spot from a mile away, or at least not put them into the stereotype.
But got to love you grandmother’s advice though, you’d be surprised at the fact that particular wisdom is lost on some people.
Instead of spotting them (though mostly through fashion sense), I’d say that I can hear them from a mile away.
And yeah, I think my grandmother knows enough abusive husbands to spark that kind of thought in her! It’s a scary thought.
One thing that bothered me about all my ex-gfs(asians) is that, it seems they all possessed this Chinese trait I hated. The one about “face.” I guess it’s from the traditional Chinese upbringing. I can’t stand the superficialness.
Hmmmm…I’m not sure if any of my ex-girlfriends looked for the face in me. But I can certainly say that the superficiality is a turn-off. One of my exes told me should wouldn’t have dated me if I was white, which is strange cause I felt very Caucasian at the time.
Jeff, I meant “face” as in “save face” or “reputation.” Often, they’re too tied up on how people may think of them, instead of acting normal.
Ah yes, I should have realized what you meant. And I totally agree that “face” is a strong Chinese concept. Hong Kong especially, I hear, where everyone judges you by the car you drive, the watch you wear, and the pen you carry.
But “face” in the Hong Kong perspective can also mean achievements and intellectual standing rather than mere material possessions depending on which social circle you’re in.
Hong Kong culture is so warm compared to the experiences I had with Japanese, and later Korean cultures. I’ve found that centered family feeling in each of the cultures, even with ex-Beijingers, but since I came in as a girlfriend, I was given family reception (even if it took a little time).
But my Cantonese friends took us in (even my Korean husband)just as if we were family; it was that same comfort you described. We were just adopted! I think the more you learn to adjust to living together closely (as they have been forced to)the more you realize what must be done to make it all work comfortably. They seem to know that even if there are issues, there’s still something underneath that always rests there solidly — they won’t ever give up on you. I love that. My husband, having had bad experiences with “mainlanders” in Korea, was so surprised by this, and said how impressed he was by Hong Kong, by comparison.
I think it’s exactly what you say about living together closely that makes Hong Kong people so friendly, or perhaps able to deal with other people. I’m not sure about housing in Japan or Korea, but in Hong Kong it’s so expensive that’s it’s not unusual for families to live together in the same house their entire lives. You learn to accept things easily, because you don’t really have a choice.
Arg. that was posted in the wrong place, sorry.
Ah, very interesting. There are many things in Chinese that are lost on me. I don’t think it’s because of the complexities of the language, but the culture.