Let me give it to you straight, straight like an arrow.
I’ve had these words stuck in my head for some time now. Lyrics from the titular Dears track I first heard in university, back when I would go home in the summer and watch The Wedge on Friday nights.
I know that’s awfully cynical to say, but I need proof that it is possible today.
I just wish I could accept that fact. I’m starting to wonder if that’s why I keep hearing the words in my head. It’s my subconscious reminding me, keeping me grounded.
It’s the same story, where guy sees girl, falls in love, and happily ever after. In between, there’s always the overused plot element of the guy winning over the girl by revealing himself and his feelings. After all, this alone is enough to win any girl over, regardless of whether she found him attractive or not, she was married or single, or he was the nerd and she was the cheerleader.
But love doesn’t exist in real life, as much as I want to believe that it does.
Not for me, anyway.
Well, I believe that love exists. Or at the very least, our justification of what love is for us. It exists.
It’s just that, love, doesn’t always equate to a perfect relationship. You can love someone all you want, but it doesn’t mean it’s the solution to all problems. It doesn’t put food on the table and a roof over your head. It doesn’t cure sickness nor does it prevent it. It doesn’t even assure you of a happy ending.
But it exists.
We just forget that love isn’t enough to keep a relationship together. It takes some hard practical work and for me at least, a reason and a purpose.
I beleive you.
Love is something men came up with in order to “sweep” women off their feet, and well.… sleep with them. they don’t give if you are nice, or whatever, they just want woman’s bodies. trust me, the real friends(in boys/men) are the ones who actually do shit with their lives.. and don’t have any girls that are friends. in my opinion anyways.
100% with u. if love exsisted why would everyone i’ve EVER cared about let me down and push me away?
love is not real its just a fake word its been tosed around too much its a mirage its all fake love at first sight please thats a myth
Dear “Thoughts”,
I suspect your definition of love is full of misconceptions (and not a little painful history).
Do you think
Love =
Always Romantic +
Totally Unconditional +
Lasts Forever +
Exactly Mutual Feelings?
Yes, that type of love is next to impossible. But it would be silly of me to say it has never happened before, isn’t happening now, or will never happen in the future. Life has infinite possibilities.
TRUE LOVE, as sometimes depicted in the movies, does happen, but very rarely. It can even be profoundly more blissful and satisfying than any movie could depict. I know because I’ve seen it first hand, in real life, with several envious couples. Who gets to live it and who doesn’t? It is basically an act of randomness, luck, fate (call it what you will). By why, if we need and want it so badly, can only a few people get it, but most cannot? BECAUSE LIFE ISN’T FAIR!
Is Love always romantic? No way. Most of life is mundane, unattractive, boring and fraught with problems.
Is it always mutual? Of course not. But that doesn’t negate the love one person feels. His or her love does exist, all too painfully.
Does Love last forever, and if not, was it really love? That’s a trickier question. We love what we know or think we know. That is the best we can do. However, if you consider that people learn and change over time, it is clear that love changes also. Maybe it lasts days, weeks, months, years, decades…in very rare cases, a lifetime. But one thing I heard long ago has proven accurate for me: Love is never stagnate. It either grows stronger over time, or weakens over time. It never stays exactly the same.
Is Love unconditional? By definition, real love is selfless and unconditional. There are always practical considerations that determine if two people can stay together. Whether two people can stay together is determined by whether practical considerations outweigh the love or not. If the love is stronger, the conditions are less important. However, many people love another person deeply but cannot stay together with them, for one or more of a million reasons. When that happens, it’s sad, but that’s life.
For more insight into the realities of love, I recommend you consider the book “The Art of Love” by Eric Fromm. http://www.amazon.com/Art-Loving-Erich-Fromm/dp/0060915943
Hollywood’s a society that rewrites its own ethnics and morals for their make-believe world. How you, or anyone, find the real meaning of love in Made of Honor, Shall We Dance, The Notebook, or Die Hard.
(I do hope that wasn’t Eric.)
Love does exist. I know because I would have left the planet long ago had I not found someone who I felt truly understood me, and without whom my life would be very empty.
That being said, the relationship I had in mind for us did not end up as planned. It ended platonically; but I can’t say I am any less rich for it having been so.
My experience is that simple, lush, romantic love and having an actual, solid, once in a lifetime soulmate are not always in the same package. It would be nice if it were so, but people are constantly shifting and growing and sex of course makes everything much more complicated, even when you truly love someone.
Here I could go with one of two recommendations:
A) Endure pain until all your sharp edges are worn down and you are comfortable with yourself so much that you’ll bump into actual love because someone else recognizes and wants your warmth and security; or
B) I could quote Spaulding Grey (he was quoting at the time): “Happy People Don’t Make History.” Note however that after he threw himself off a ferry in winter to commit suicide, you might want to choose A).
Love is certainly something we define for ourselves. There are so many sementics involved in trying to explain it. For example, there’s a distinction made between being “in love” with someone and “loving” someone. It’s obvious from all your comments that we hold different views of love, as unique as our views of the world as a whole.
I’ve only recently started to realize that, for me, love is mutual. It’s a bond shared between two people. Because when it’s an unrequited love, it’s not the same. You don’t have the foundation of trust and understanding that lets it grow and evolve. Edrei, as you say in your follow-up entry, love is not enough, but it’s certainly a requirement in any relationship if it’s expected to work out in the long term.
Hollywood fulfils it’s purpose by entertaining fantasies of ideal love. I have to laugh at how unrealistic it all is. Most men are portrayed as childish, insecure, unattached people, and women are made out to be love-starved, willing to throw themselves at a man who will simply admit that he has feelings for them. There are many creative liberties taken by the movies, and that’s exactly why we watch them.
But I hold no illusions about love. I understand the conditions, the (often sad) realities, and even with this practical mindset, my most basic definition of love does not exist. Not for me.
Story of my life.
I agree with Jeff in that there needs to be a distinction made between loving someone else (at least emotional feelings of such) and being in love with another person. The first is usually singular and the last is mutual.
I have loved every single woman I’ve dated and even came close to becoming in love with a couple of them. But as they say close is only good in horseshoes and shotguns.
I’ve always been looking for that woman to become in love with. Thus far, in my case, it hasn’t happened.
I think that love at first sight is possible but not probable. I never thought that I would ever fall in love at first sight with any woman.
I’ve gotta admit now that is exactly what has happened for me. It’s nearly an indescribable feeling one needs to experience to understand. It happened 3 years ago. A more precise description is that I feel love for her. I need to change the “I” to a “we” in the statement for there to be a loving relationship so that “we” are in love not I am in love. Does this make sense?
It took me nearly 3 years to admit that I fell in love with her at the first sight. Of course there was no with at that time.
I have yet to convince her to be “in” love with “me”, or rather she has yet to make that choice on her own with my help of course. Our relationship is just now starting to mean something to both of us. — stay tuned.
Since you create the definition that sets yourself apart from what you want, that must do something gratifying for you. Sometimes you seem like you could be happily Catholic or even Baptist in a love of penance.
That’s funny, I was raised Catholic, although I’ve completely given up the religion now. I’ve since converted to writing. :)
ha! I love that turn of word.
What’s your most basic definition of love that does not exist?
I would have to say that my definition involves mutual feelings, on a relatively even level. Not that love is always even and fair (in my experience, relationships can be one-sided). To me, love is where you can give yourself up wholly because you know that the other person has as well, and just as much.
You’ll have to excuse the Spiderman reference, but this just came to mind, “With great love comes great responsibility.” I think to a certain degree it entails that you open yourself up to be taken advantage of, and trust that it won’t happen.
I completely agree. Actually, I was about to write something about my previous baggage and trust issues in the last comment, but felt that I digressed too much.
I’m sorry to add yet another addendum to your post, but I found this so inspiring. I guess for some, it does exist. Although this is about cancer, it is about love. This fellow’s blog is another I enjoy reading a lot.
http://metrodad.typepad.com/index/2008/08/rest-in-peace.html
Another Asian blogger, I see. You must have the yellow fever. :D
Korean connection!.
You guys really make some insightful and inspiring comments.
I completely agree with you. This has become one of the best comment threads on the site.
True love exists, says science! reported by Foxnews even..
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,475905,00.html
We are other 9 couples.
Thank goodness it was originally from the London Times…
This post made me think deep.
You don’t appear to be the only one.
I don’t think love exisits. I think people are scared to live on their own and so they need to have a relationship to feel validated. I also blame instincts to need to be social. I think it is perfectly healthy to be alone if that’s what you really want. Some people, like myself, don’t enjoy the feeling of being tied and restricted. It’s a complete pain in the long run that, in the end, might as well not happen. The world is filled with divorce now of days and that is a clear sign that love does not exist as far as loving a non-relative relationship goes.
Seriously, think about it. You “fall in love” with someone and you get married (and most likely over-looking all the skeletons in their closet or stuffing yours into a suitcase labeled “from mom”). Now you’re stuck and can’t just leave when you want to without a mass amount of money spent, argument, and, in some cases, something extremely illegal. But if you decide to stay, you have kids. That means you have more people to support and you get attacted to them. Well what if your spouse decides they hate your guts? Then comes the divorce and then the kids being hurt in the custody battle and arrangement. Then you have to start all over but never completely the way you were because a piece of you is broken because you decided to be stupid and involve yourself with something trivial.
It all ends in heart-break, my friends. Romantic/Passionate love and relationships are worthless. The only people worth loving is your family. Save yourself the grief.
Hey,
My father gave me up for adoption and led his life without his children his grandchildren or great grandchildren. No family.
The man I thought I loved was 6 years older than me left to go to Africa and married a 3rd world woman who was 32 years younger.
No there is no such thing as love. We are all worm food when we die.
i came to put an end to the question of the million dollars…and the answer is no.love,or what you call love is not real.the love for others is not real,the love for your family is not real.love is just a lie that mommy and daddy told you all because they were raised to believe in it.your parents do not really love you,think about it,but think far beyond your beliefs,use common sense..your father and mother only care about you and worry about you because they use you to become more popular before other parents.why do you think they like to brag about your accomplishments to others.reason number 2,they were forced to raise you,because if they didnt,they would spend some time behind bars for child abuse…they count the seconds until you become old enough and you get out of the house and become your own problem,you can ask them,and they will lie,to themselves…they do these things subconsiously.When you like someone,you dont fall in love,you like the person because you want to get your freak on with her or him.you tell them´´i love you´´but that is just another expression for lets do R rated stuff.love is not an emotion its just a lie the humanity is forced to believe…but i have awakened,im not blinded by those lies anymore.to put it simple,what you call love is just the animal need of a human to find a mate and reproduce,there are no magic or unicorns involved.i could go on with this for hours,but i got better things to do.and to you all going´´what an emo´´let me tell you one thing,im not one of those depressive pathetic excuses of human beigns that like to feel pain.ill rather be the one inflicting the pain.so my last words to you are..keep lying to yourselves,i dont care.im outta that dilema…love is another legend that was killed by me.
…and here I thought no human could actually open there eyes and see the harsh world that we humans live in… And world lies and monkeys who wish for nothing more then sex. Going as far as rid themselves of all morals… and for what? To get there rocks off… I rather be dead… Humans are such a disgrace…
I am married for 18 years with 2 young kids. I don’t believe in love in this time and age or maybe in humans. If love is absolute understand, trust, and sacrafic and (you fill in the blank), then we can’t acheive that, especially here and now. If love is sacrafic, I don’t like to do it for anyone that much and I rarely meet people that do. If love is understanding, then I would do better to understand others more, not judge so much and then I maybe could believe in love? If love is trust, then maybe we’ll all have to keep our word more, because not keeping our word is a dying trait. I believe that we really enjoy people’s company and we NEED people and most people equate need with love. The more dependent you are, the more you “love”. I think there are a lot of emotions that get involved with us humans, like jealousy, envy, hate…, which keeps us from acheiving love. I seem to like my husband on a scale; some days I don’t know why I married him, other days I am so glad he’s in my life and understands me. He let’s me be me, and that’s when I am happy with him. When he’s critical and pointing out things, that is when I don’t like him so much. He says he loves me no matter what I do. Bullshit, if I go cheat on him, will he still love me? If I say, here, you take the kids in the divorce instead of fighting for custody, is he really going to respect me?? When I let him or the family down there is tension in our marriage; when I don’t do what I say I am going to do. And visa versa. So, I think for people to be happy is to be diciplined and to keep their word. When you don’t, you let people down and create hurt. That hurt passes on to the next person and then the next person. We, as a society, over the years have slowly let our discipline and “word” slip with each other. It’s selfish. I’m not a religious nut, I’m not religious at all, but the more all of us are selfish, the more barbaric our society will be and the further we will be from anything called love.
i dnt believe in it either,ive nvr met any1 i cnt live without i believe that love is infact comfort food 4 the weak n uninteligent im sorry bt ive been hurt too many times to knw that ppl r simply ammusd n want somethng different,a new toy it seems n now i truely do believe that power belongs 2 those who care less!!!!!!!n im a gifl soooo if im sayin this bwt love it shld make u think.….…
i may be cynical or jaded, but i believe that love is a fantasy.
we can talk big and say we’re somethin but unless we actually act on it and do it we’re nothin.
we all act on how we feel. if your coked up you’ll act coked up. if you feel tired, you’ll act tired. if you feel loose, drunk or goofy, youll act loose, drunk or goofy. but its been proved that if you act a certain way you’ll feel that way. you feel tired, act hyped. when it gets tough as urself what a healthy and fit person would do right now. then do it. boom, there’s your proof. there is no love, there are only proofs of love.
There must be such a thing as real love, because why are there so many fantastic songs and movies about it?
Just because it’s never happened to me doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Or maybe it just lives for short moments of time, and that’s the reality of it.
Do u know which is the most powerful sexual organ in human body??? well its our brain. ya its right its ur fukin brain, everything boils down to your brain it can make you love or hate sumone or some time destroy u completely. so watever going in ur mind or brain i means loving,hating is result of chemical reaction happens in ur brain.. so i believe their no such thing as love. jst freakin chemical reaction that make us to do so.
i m frm india. htey say naah
“mind is ur best friend if u controls its but worst enemy if it controls you..!!
so friend dnt let ur mind to overcome your emotion.stop wasting ur time in doin love. do something worthy. take care
I think Love seems to be more about money then love. Let’s face it money may not buy love but thanks to the Kardatians and tv in general. Real housewives etc. Women’s independence and women making more money than men and wanting their men to make much more then them especially with this economy. It seems to be a so called man now is harder to be then it ever was before if that is the true definition of a man
I can’t say that I was or thought I was in love at one time.. My last girlfriend and I stayed together for 7yrs but we only saw each other 3days a week. Friday Saturday and Sunday.. But I think something went wrong with her feelings or maybe I gave her to much freedom to go out and she hooked up with an older man with a six figure income who was and still is seeing someone while she is dating him. I just don’t get it. But there is something weird going on in her head or maybe she figured this is the only way she will get what she wants.. everything at this point in my life really sucks and there unfortunately are no new prospects in this town. So I guess I need to come up with a new hobby or 2..
I know I didn’t love her but I did consider her my best friend and me hers but when you out right cheat on someone and then your confronted and still lie to that person even after he proves it to u what the he’ll kind of friend can that be…
It seems love is about material things more then anything else and I’m sorry today that if that’s what the women I seem to be attracted to want I guess that leaves me with nothing. Cause I will not spend what I can’t afford.. Credit cards need to be paid off not added to..
Guess I should of worked for wall street. Lol.
unfortunatly sometimes men are like that to. But more money does not equal happiness. Why do so many people think having more things or more expencive things means more than companionship? It sucks
I think we all want to believe there is love.…true soul mate cant go on without you love…
But I dont believe it.…
Love is a security blanket for a lot of people. Or should I say a lot of women.. Where is the males security it just seems to be one sided.. Man pays for everything but doesnt have the security.. Funny how that works..
There is no such thing as love in today’s society. It is just another form of insanity. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Here are some hypotheticals. That is supposed to apply to how much money you have, or don’t have. Whether or not you are happy or sad that you cannot provide for the one you declare your love. If you are in good health or bad health. TO THE END! Best of all, who has more influence over your supposed love interest. You, or their friends. I am speaking from personal experience. It’s too much to ask of anyone to remain true to you if all they worship is money and materialism, your feelings are always going to be in at least second place. This country needs a reset.
P.S. Don’t marry someone that has broken their back and neck and expect them to be able to do what normal HEALTHY people can do.
No such thing. We as women are taught there is so we get married and we are put in our place. It’s a fairy tale that’s it
And the fairy tale lives on. Howard Stern has it right.. What people are really thinking.
I’m a teenager and I don’t belive in “love”. It’s not because i’ve had heartbreak, hell I’ve never even had a boyfriend! From the things I have heard and seen about it, I would not wish that unto myself. I like the idea of it, but not for myself.
Well,u c my whole 25 yrs of life i hav been trying to prove ppl dat lov exists, but the world proves me wrong, there is no such thing as love ‚at least not in this current world, its just a desire-driven world, if they hav the convincing and manipulation power to prove someone right is wrong, they win,u lose. I have tried loving ppl just as they are but it turns out, they backstab anytime. I hav broken all boundaries in this world (religion,looks,color,behaviour,etc) to try to b in a happy relation,not perfect but just normal.…but i hav broken my heart a dozen times .….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….now i just dont believe in love.IT JUST DOESNT EXIST !!
I Also dont blv in love either. There is no such a thing like Love, its jst need,
Someone don’t want to live alone, have its own need ‚which cant be fulfill alone, so he/she get in to relationship. in between if they find someone else who can fulfill their need better, they forget their ongoing relationship, go to that new person and start relationship with that new person, and named it as “LOVE”.
love is actually dependence or lust or both. anyone in a relationship is making it 99% harder to know there highest self and become enlightened
I told my boyfriend that I loved him and he said it back. A few weeks after, he changed his mind, even though things were going great, making me realize that I never really loved him either.
Love is supposed to be an unconditional and unchanging attachment between people. Non?
Well, I have yet to have any proof of it. Prime examples of my disbelief are my parents’ relationship with each other, me, and my siblings, my boyfriend’s feelings, and my dynamic heart.
I wonder if you can love someone without the other person feeling the same. Is there such a thing of love at first sight?
I still think it’s possible as I felt this when I first met my therapist 4 years ago and I still feel an unconditional love for her even when after I told her and she sort of pushed me away. I still see her as my therapist and have hope someday we will be married.
Isn’t ‘love’ just endorfine in your body which makes you high/stoned whenever you see your ”soulmate”? anyway, I don’t believe there is love… people only use eachother to satisfy themselves I believe. They’re searching their whole life for ‘the one’, but why? Is it mandatory to get together, live together, make children and have this ‘illusion’ of happiness for the rest of your live? If it is, why? Why would you want to be with someone who only uses you for his/her own life… as if you’re an object… Another answer could be lust, which is still using someone. This world REALLY makes no sense at all.
LOVE: it surely is one feeling that seems to puzzle us all. I was in a relationship for 4 years, and put in everything that I had into it! Suddenly ‘my’ man decided that he wanted to move out to be in a different country to be with his family…within a year he was married to someone else and apparently had told ‘her’ that he loved her more than he did anyone else, at the same time telling me that he was being emotionally blackmailed by his family to marry her!
Love, or what seems like it– makes us do the strangest things, yet it’s a myth that we force ourselves to believe in! In today’s world, it’s hard to trust someone easily and Love comes with the trust and faith we build in each other.
Really the people that we sometimes put all out faith in never reciprocate and turn out to be manipulative and unworthy. Love for me never existed even when I thought I was ‘In Love’ because it was just a hogwash!
Fuck Love, It is nothing more then an illusion to reproduce and procreate. People just want to use one another, marriage is another LIE. Don’t ever get married because it is not worth it. You really think your wife or husband really cares about you? They are just liying and cheating behind your back so fuck society. Fuck this stupid fake world it’s full of shit. Don’t fall in love with anyone but yourself.
there is no such thing as love ‚fuck love , its nothing but our hormones telling us to fuck like animals and we validated it with emotions to make us feel better so sick of this shit for fucks sakes !!!!
I agree. Technically love is what is known as ‘Bullshit’. It’s all a scam. I don’t live for ‘love’. I live for death
Love is a bunch of crap. At the most its a chemical reaction from oxytocin. Your right about Hollywood portraying it as real though.
if love does exist how can such thing as cheating exists?
People “cheat” because they’re HORNY GENIUS!!!
Humans need to heed interactions amongst animals in the wild. Animals come together to procreate — not to cohabitate. Funny how they understand that they are never intended to stay together. There are just to many differences between the human male and female brain to think it would ever possibly work. I do believe that love exists from parent to child or between family members but I do not believe in any kind of meaningful love between couples.
No such thing as love its all about sex and atraction
I agreed, there is no such thing as true love it’s just an illusion.
Fuck the love but belive in humanity
of course.
But not only belive in it also apply towards on each and others by every single on of us as humans
there is no such thing as love, in da beginning u might think it is but at the end u’ll look back n realise it never was.
if love did exist then there wudnt be any cheating to begin with, no divorce, no making each other unhappy with jealousy.
boyfriend n girlfriend walkin around then i see boyfriend lookin at other girls while wit girlfriend, wtf is dat about. even husband n wife do it.
in work, guy wit wife at home but flirts with females while in work wtf is that about too.
so much for love
i want to believe that there is love but irl there is none
Yes that is true love doesnt exist if it is there what look like
Fuck this fake deceptive thing called love
Love does exist, in your heart. Let it out a little more often and watch it become like ripples in a pond. Eventually those ripples will come back to you.
Love is nonexistant bullshit. Fuck love, get money.
i would like to believe the indoctrinated fallacy of love we where brainwashed to believe is true maybe there is someone out there for us that would complete the puzzle,then i think to myself when i sit i my million dollar mansion riding my fast cars and going where i want to that i made it alone , and thru all the bullshit of lies and hidden agendas i made it here, fuck love you dont need it . the problem with love is people . or maybe i am just to cold and ran out of fucks to give.
The only true love that exists is the divine love.
Our love, is distorted by all kinds of ugly things, like cheating etc..At the end we settle for any kind of love that we have because that what we re made to do n to receive, proof to that the frustrated n cynical comments above bcs of the lack of love n the deception that its caused..
My word to you guys is dont lose hope:)
First come skepticism about whether love exist. All my 24 years of life I save my hope. Then without looking for it, I truly love a man. I dreamed that true love could give people the courage to stand up for it and that for once i allow myself to believe in love wholeheartedly. Boy was I wrong, now I just end up even more skeptical and scarred for life. Oh and whoever say that it’s Better to have love and lost than never to have love at all??? I fucking hate this quote! I rather go to life being indifferent than to have that experience of so called love.
If love wasn’t real, there wouldn’t be angry, disappointed or any sort of comment about it as nonexistent. It’s just that it rarely occurs between 2 people due to circumstances, timing etc… If love didn’t exist we wouldn’t feel so hurt it didn’t happen for some of us right. If it doesn’t it not so bad since the majority of us don’t have it. I just learn not to hope and not to wish for it anymore. Yes in giving up because it s tiring and it s probably more productive to go do something else then dwell on it. It might not ever gonna happen for me or you but well we still have to live and eat and wake up every morning. So maybe it s better just to not hope not wish not look not think about it.
I wish we could all love and be love. If we opened up to love we risk getting hurt. For those who don’t let someone into their heart, they risk hurting them. So are we either hurting others or getting hurt? Omg it’s so complicated just don’t love, just don’t use people to hurt them, try to live on ur own. Live each day being happy at the silly little things and be in discretion of that one that comes along that u have feelings for. It s probably ain’t gonna happen. Be afraid! Be very afraid!!!
Love is a beyond my grasp, I loved deeply and end up broken inside. I feel nothing now for anyone else. I dont feel the need to wish for love. People called me numb, maybe it’s true. I can careless about the opposite sex. I don’t hate them. I just feel like a zombie. Wat the hell is love that leave humanity in search for? In despair for? In sorrow for? If it so gosh darn beautiful y do I feel nothing but regret I ever love and no regret in getting a brainwash after the experience.