It surprises me to hear that you started to understand his point of view when you became a father yourself, when you’ve learned to give full attention to your son. You’ve been able to break the cycle, something your dad wasn’t able to do for you. I would have thought this would have the opposite effect; that you would understand even less why he was the way he was.

I love my dad, and I know he loves me too. However we never display any physical affection towards each other. I don’t think he and his father did either.

Sometimes I wish I can just give him a hug, but the concept seems so foreign to the both of us. But I’m OK with it. I’m OK with this comfortable, silence distance we have.

I didn’t feel close to my dad until I became a father myself. I began to understand why my dad did the things he did, from another father’s pov. I also think he tries to make up for the lack of display of affection towards me, by giving his full attention to my son.

Even though my dad never appraised me, hugged me or showed interest in what I do like my mother did, I feel his influence(positive) on me is enormous. It didn’t occur to me until I was older. It kind just snuck up on me.

But it’s a bittersweet lesson, something I don’t think anyone should have to go through. Like saying that surviving some horrible tragedy has given someone character.

@Xibee — I don’t really enjoy what I get, but I do need to learn to expect less.

BTW, two earrings on a Chinese dad of yours’ age? That’s not mommy. Uh-uh.

I could never really bond with my father who showed little interest in what I was doing. He could never say the things I longed to hear (until it was too late!) I found out though when illness began to overtake him just how much he did care and how proud he was of me from others to whom he had spoken about me. I found it strange that he could relate his feelings to friends outside the family circle when my mother and I were the ones who longed to know. That’s the way it is with some people, I guess.

But some good came from it when I realised that I was beginning to show a tendency to tread the same path. So I vowed then and there that I would be more open with family and friends and show them how much I cared for them. Sometimes you only get back from life what you put in. I’m richer for the experience.

That’s gently funny, in a bittersweet manner.