Five years is longer than I’ve known my best friend, a girl with whom I share everything and consider my brick — though, hopefully it’s mutual; I don’t just wanna draw on her and not give anything back. Pat sounds like a great guy.

I hope things do get easier for you. *hugs*

I might add that my wife feels almost the same way as Xibee.

@Xibee — You also have to understand that some men have too much pride to want to be taken care of. When you do so, you may be implying that they’re too weak to take care of themselves. Of course, not all of us are filled with that much machismo.

I suppose I’m can be quite high-maintenance in situations like this, and it seems to me like you may also have a very particular way of wanting to be cared for. In those cases we do have to take care of ourselves, not because other people don’t want to, but because they don’t know how or can’t do so effectively.

@Edrei — Any choice you make isn’t a bad one, as long as you accept the consequences (which it sounds to me like you have). In a sort of backwards way, you’re getting what you need from these people even though they’re taking advantage of you, because what they offer is important to you and worth it.

Even girlfriends don’t have all the necessary tools to provide you with support, but in those cases, I find it’s more of a case of being high-maintenance than anything else. And for people with mental histories like ours, that makes it even harder to deal with.

@Causalien — That’s an interesting idea. I suppose that for enough money, some people will care unconditionally (aside from the obvious condition), and do anything.

It is always a choice, especially if you do know that is what they are there for and that is what they want from you. I’m tired of losing good people over and over again and having to rebuild new human relationships over time. In return for some measure of human company, I made a choice to be used with the knowledge that I am being taken advantage of, so that I don’t feel alone.

I know I rely on my girlfriend, but even that I learned too recently that at the end of it, you’re still on your own. Life does have its tendency to be cruel. I just have to do whatever I can to make the best of it.

The other thing I learned about expecting to depend on my guys in my life was that, although there might be a lot of posturing that they wanted to take care of me, when push came to shove and I really needed it, they were pretty clueless as to How to do that.

Even now I think they would make different choices than I would have them make about my welfare, which is a difficult thing to look at. I have resigned myself to taking care of myself first.