Before you start reading, play this song. It’s a Deftones cover of The Smiths’ song Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want. There have been a few other artists who have done covers too, including Muse, but only Chino has the kind of raw emotion in his voice that matches Morrisey.
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This song was written for right now.
I’ve moved mainly to video. Getting a little tired of the still photograph medium. I had my first commission this weekend at the NAC, recording a jazz trio concert in exchange for a few tickets for my friends.
If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been obsessed with colour tones and vignetting lately. Making my photos look like old memories. Maybe this is a way for me to go back; reverting to past experiences, drawing inward as an introvert, regressing to a different time, when all I had was innocence but that was enough.
I’ve been strangely serene. Sleeping well. When things get complicated I’ve been less stoic, and more light-hearted.
Maybe it’s the house being clean. Maybe I’m satisfied with the the new decorations. Maybe it was the last weekend, getting caught up on errands and tasks, finally feeling like my head is above water.
Maybe it’s the weather. The rain. The wind. The warmth of the sun. The temperature drop. The way I can leave my window open at night.
Maybe it’s feeling socially fulfilled. Seeing friends, laughing hard, trips out of town, trips on my own.
Maybe it’s the nights spent holding her, caressing every inch of her skin. Maybe it’s the way she held me too.
Maybe it’s the acceptance. A way I’ve let go where I’ve found myself finally free, and living. Something I always think I’ve been able to do, only to realize a day later that I didn’t before, but I have now, honestly.
Maybe it’s all the movies I’ve been watching in the time between, seeing myself in every character, every situation. Going back to high school, being back at university.
I’m not sure what it is, but I know this feeling won’t last forever. It never has. It’s the flux between storm and serenity that moves me.
Been writing this entry over the last week.
In a couple days, this blog turns six.
Maybe I just had a few good weeks.
I know this post is all serious and introspective but all I can think is the kitty going “I WILL CHOMP YOU!”
I think we have that in common…whenever we see a cat, it’s the first thing that jumps out at us. Especially when we don’t know the cat, we create these back stories and fill in their lives with our imagination. Or I do at least.
Life for me too goes in waves, some more powerful and lasting than others, and each unique in its impact. Each one though makes a change that never goes away, and each good one builds on the last, making for sweet memories.
I love your photography–I wish I could take pictures like that!
Although you have probably spent most of your youth in such an outfit due to uniforms, it still startles me to see you in a stiff white shirt and tie. Seems unlike you.
As soon as I’m home, I’m into my PJs. But when I’m out, my style is generally pretty preppy. Those days in private school got me accustomed to having something around my neck.
Good to hear you settled into a good place. Think you’re right. Contentment comes from many factors.
Was that cat shot really hard or lucky to get?
It was more lucky…I think I took about thirty shots, and about two of them were usable.
3x harder than usual if I used my ratio then. :)