Monthly Archives: August 2008

Issues In Others

After going through ther­apy, I’ve started to rec­og­nize com­plexes and issues in other people.

Some put their hope in some­one, then hurt them. Some only fall in love with peo­ple they can’t have, and as soon as inter­est is rec­i­p­ro­cated, they lose the attrac­tion. Strong signs of emo­tional depri­va­tion, stem­ming from trau­matic rela­tion­ships. (Unfortunately, I’ve been the cause on more than one occa­sion, and it was my own issues that lead to this destruc­tive behav­iour where I didn’t treat a heart as del­i­cately as I should have.)

Most peo­ple aren’t aware of their issues, but I’m always baf­fled by the ones who are aware and still don’t do any­thing about it. They repeat­edly make the same mis­takes over and over again.

I’ve always believed that self-improvement is the high­est form of liv­ing, and I’ve been able to work through my own bag­gage, so I refuse to accept those who don’t work through their own.

Trolley and Steph's Wedding

Changing groomsmen

Not only the day that Trolley got hitched, but a chance to see Adam and Tomasini and Eric and Nick and Alison; the peo­ple I only get to hang out with when camp­ing or par­ty­ing at the farm. I missed Adam and his ever ebul­lient atti­tude most of all, some­thing that never fails to buoy the spir­its. Even though we didn’t get a chance to talk much through all the prepa­ra­tion, it was enough to hear his voice and laughter.

Handshake

Thumbnail: Wedding handshake
Thumbnail: Wedding handshake
Thumbnail: Taking cell phone photos
Thumbnail: Walking to the aisle
Thumbnail: Just married
 

It was back to Stanley’s Maple Farm1 for the out­door wed­ding. The rain con­tin­ued up to half an hour before the cer­e­mony then stopped com­pletely, as if god him­self had a hand in ordainment.

You just need to look at the smile on Trolley’s face to under­stand how happy he is.

The recep­tion was open bar, with prime rib and a dessert buf­fet at the end. I had been wait­ing over a year to have the prime rib din­ner, as I was going through an undi­ag­nosed case of IBS at Aaron’s wed­ding and was left eat­ing bread. Even Pat, my gour­mand friend, said that it was cooked to per­fec­tion, and found out that the venue has a deal with the farm up the road to get the best cuts of meat.

We sur­prised the newly wed­ded cou­ple with the shoe game, where they answer a series of ques­tions with­out know­ing how the other one will answer. They sur­prised us with how many they answered in sync. A good sign for the newly wed.

Thumbnail: Wedding guestbook
Thumbnail: Center piece
Thumbnail: Photographer sticks his tongue out
Thumbnail: Aaron drinks
Thumbnail: Wedding favour
 

Nick humourously noted that there weren’t many sin­gle girls around, but being able to hang out with Aaron in the MC booth made me feel much less awk­ward and aban­doned than the last wed­ding I went to.

At one point, Trolley came up to me and asked me _____ __ _________ ____ _____. It was his wed­ding, but he was con­cerned about me. I couldn’t believe it even entered his mind with every­thing going on around him, and it was cer­tainly the part I’ll remem­ber most about that night.

  1. The same place Aaron got mar­ried. []

Life After Now

When you get to my age and most of your best years are behind you instead of ahead of you… it is a lit­tle eas­ier to both appre­ci­ate what you have and to regret what you will never have again.

—Michael on Randomness and Disconnection

In this cul­ture, we’re bred to believe that every step of our lives will affect the next one with dire con­se­quences. If you don’t choose the right classes in grade 10, you’ll be stuck in some­thing you don’t like in grade 11, and end up scor­ing poorly. If you score poorly in grade 11, you’ll limit your options for grade 12. If you don’t have the right classes in grade 12, you’ll have fewer uni­ver­si­ties from which to choose. So on and so on, until the C+ you got in his­tory class means you’ll be mow­ing lawns for the rest of your life.

Maybe this is why I always feel like it’s too late.

I wish I never stopped learn­ing piano, so I could have another medium to express myself. I wish I grew up learn­ing Tai Chi, so it’d be more nat­ural to me. I wish I bought a house sooner, so I could have cap­i­tal­ized on amor­ti­za­tion in the ris­ing hous­ing mar­ket. I wish I had started con­tribut­ing to my RRSPs at a younger age, so I could retire at the age I want. I wish I paid more atten­tion in French class, so I could still use it as a lan­guage. I wish I had gone to ther­apy ear­lier, so I wouldn’t have messed up the rela­tion­ships that mattered.

All these sit­u­a­tions where I feel like I’m too old and passed the point where I can achieve some­thing effi­ciently, or max­i­mize my gains.

But then I see how happy some peo­ple are, who are twice my age, and haven’t planned for retire­ment yet. Or some who still live in an apart­ment, with­out a house or car for equity. Some are newly sin­gle at fifty, and dat­ing, and hap­pier than they’ve ever been (and here I am, think­ing that I’ll be sin­gle for the rest of my life because every­one my age is already mar­ried). Even Lloyd, who just obtained his doc­tor­ate last year at 36, told me that one’s skills can take them any­where, and that age is never a mat­ter. I’m not sure if I believe that yet, but I’d sure like to.

It all makes me won­der: is it really too late? Are my best years really behind me?

Perhaps they’re not.