On Isotretinoin

I recently started a course of Isotretinoin, a strong med­ica­tion used to cure severe acne by alter­ing DNA tran­scrip­tion. For some rea­son, my acne has really flared up in my late twen­ties. I would get huge cysts on my face that would last for weeks, not to men­tion the hyper-pigmentation that would last even longer after the cyst went away. Needless to say, it was mak­ing me very anti-social when I was talk­ing to peo­ple and felt like there was a huge dis­trac­tion on my face.

I was referred to a der­ma­tol­o­gist, who gave me a pre­scrip­tion for “full strength” (accord­ing to my body weight) to see if I could han­dle the side effects. The phar­ma­cist asked me if she made a mis­take because they don’t offer a dosage that strong, so now I take a com­bi­na­tion of two dosages.

Due to the potency of the med­ica­tion, there’s a huge list of side effects. The scari­est is the mood changes. I’m sup­posed to stop the dose if I start experiencing:

  • changes in my mood such as becom­ing depressed, feel­ing sad, or hav­ing cry­ing spells
  • los­ing inter­est in my usual activities
  • changes in my nor­mal sleep patterns
  • becom­ing more irri­ta­ble or aggres­sive than usual
  • los­ing my appetite
  • becom­ing unusu­ally tired
  • hav­ing trou­ble concentrating
  • with­draw­ing from fam­ily and friends
  • hav­ing thoughts about tak­ing my own life

As a per­son who’s suf­fered from sui­ci­dal thoughts in the past, this was quite a fright­en­ing propo­si­tion. I asked my friends to be aware, just in case I don’t notice any changes in myself.

So far though, the only side effect has been extremely dry skin, espe­cially on the face. The lips have been the worst; I can’t eat or drink any­thing with­out apply­ing a thick layer of mois­tur­izer on them, oth­er­wise they peel like mad.

There’s also a dry­ing of mucous mem­branes. To relieve the chap­ping, I’ve started smear­ing Vaseline in my nose.

Prior to this, the only time I used Vaseline was as a sex­ual lubricant.

Now I get aroused every time I breathe in.

Emergence Exposition Opus 03

Mixed media piece

Thumbnail: Mixed media piece detail
Thumbnail: Large pieces
Thumbnail: Handmade birds
Thumbnail: Handmade birds on windowsill
Thumbnail: Misun mingles
Thumbnail: Canvas embroidery
Thumbnail: Canvas embroidery detail
Thumbnail: Memory jars
Thumbnail: Female sculpture detail
Thumbnail: Frederic mingles
Thumbnail: Invitation
Thumbnail: Abstract piece
Thumbnail: Krista Muir and Shane Watt
Thumbnail: Metal plant
Thumbnail: Metal chair
Thumbnail: Rurick pieces 1
Thumbnail: Rurick pieces 2
Thumbnail: Rurick's titles
Thumbnail: Shane Watt and his trail mix
Thumbnail: Tree sculpture detail
 

The third Emergence Exposition was the first sum­mer show. With day­light com­ing through the house, and the doors and win­dows open, there was a dif­fer­ent mood float­ing around. People also dressed lightly and in bright colours, adding to the sense of airiness.

Along with the mind-blowing visual art­work, there were per­for­mances by Con Brio, a string quar­tet, and Aura Giles, a mod­ern flutist with huge lungs.

One of the most mem­o­rable parts of the night, how­ever, was a per­for­mance of an orig­i­nal com­po­si­tion by John Alac, where he tells a story of a man about to be exe­cuted, using only his gui­tar. The num­ber of dif­fer­ent sounds he gets from pluck­ing, tap­ping, scratch­ing his strings is quite amaz­ing, although what really blew my mind was the way he got the sound of a bell to toll at 4:06.

(You can watch this in High Definition on the Vimeo site. It looks much nicer.)

An End To Therapy

I stopped going to therapy.

Because I feel like I’m fixed.

Not com­pletely, but I’m at the point where I can rec­og­nize my prob­lems, bad men­tal habits, and work towards fix­ing them myself. My anx­i­ety — the rea­son why I went to ther­apy in the first place — is under con­trol, and I’ve been delight­fully drink­ing black tea in the morn­ings1. No more sui­ci­dal thoughts either.

I asked my psy­chol­o­gist whether I could hang out with him out­side of the ses­sions because I enjoyed his com­pany so much on a per­sonal level. From life to art to soci­ol­ogy, we would always stray onto a wide vari­ety of other top­ics. Perhaps I found the human mind to be as fas­ci­nat­ing as he did.

He told me that as much as he’d like to, his ethics wouldn’t allow him to do so. I brought up the option of going to some­one else for ther­apy, so that we could be friends, but after a bit of con­sid­er­a­tion, I didn’t like that option either, because I really enjoyed work­ing with him. On top of that, as he explained, he would be avail­able to me if I ever required his ser­vices in the future. I won’t lie and say that it didn’t make me very sad, but I under­stood and respected his reasons.

So after my last ses­sion, we shook hands, and he said “I’ll see you when I see you. Take care”.

And he meant it.

  1. Caffeine, along with many other things, used to trig­ger anx­i­ety attacks in me. []