So much to say in my head, but when I sit down, it all disappears. It’s as if being in front of a blank page, with the all the possibilities before me, is catharsis enough.
Many things to do has left me with little time to write. A trip to Toronto for the long weekend means I have to make sure all my batteries are charged (one for the digital camera, two for the HD camcorder, three sets for the flashes), and my memory cards (two for the digital camera, two for the HD camcorder) are cleared.
Thunder has interrupted this post. I opened up the blinds to see the rainfall, and the light from the street lamps has come spilling into the room. This makes me realize that the hot chocolate candle Shirley gave me for Christmas, along with the glare of my Macbook Pro screen, weren’t doing a great job of illuminating my writing nook. I had Thrice playing, but have turned it down so I can hear the sheets of water pouring through the street.
Got a bunch of stuff done tonight. While picking up some groceries, I was served by a bookish girl with braces. She had a distinct lisp, but carried on ebulliently as if she had the most beautiful voice in the world. Later on, as I walked through the mall, I caught this Katherine-with-a-K slouched back in a seat in the food court, eating dinner with one arm in her lap. It reminded me of an entry I wrote about a girl doing the same thing six years ago. How I wish for that kind of peace and serenity. How long ago that was (university!). How different I was back then.
Been feeling very aloof lately. Not sure if it’s me, or something my mind is doing to protect itself. Maybe it’s a way of disconnecting myself from the world. I must need it right now. This afternoon I was reading from a book of Tai Chi classics Louise bought me, and found one part particularly fitting1: “Do not be concerned with form. Do not be concerned with the ways in which form manifests. It is best to forget your own existence”.
- Listed as the first of the Eight Truths of Tai Chi. [↑]
when coming from ease those who carry on ebulliently do have the most beautiful voices. :)
when I’m being aloof with myself I understand it as the dark part of the brain, the verbally blacked out half is taking up the energy processing in its more efficient way.
batteries, batteries, and emotional batteries ready to recharge… have a great trip,
Re: “… It is best to forget your own existence.”
If you forget yourself, what have you forgotten? Is it the self you imagine you are or is it your true self or is it the memory of having been obsessing about issues like forgetting your own existence?
When you get to my age and most of your best years are behind you instead of ahead of you… it is a little easier to both appreciate what you have and to regret what you will never have again.
@Pearl — I think you’re right in saying that it’s the way one carries oneself that overrides our actions. But the way she carried on made me wonder if she was aware of her own lisp; if so, she had completely embraced it. We should all hope to do the same with our flaws.
And thank you, I hope you have a good weekend too.
@Michael — With people like us, who seem to be so (sometimes painfully) in tune with our awareness, I think there’s a little bit of all of those views inside. To forget, if possible, would be to forget them all.
I’ll have to reflect a little more on your comment over the weekend, it’s triggered a few more trains of thought.
accepting our own flaws instead of cringing from a self we can’t escape sounds like a good place to be. not proud of faults, but framing them as foibles, permanent or passing. I’m shooting for there.
A noble pursuit, trying to accept our faults. I see no problem with trying to see them as minor eccentricities.