I stopped going to therapy.
Because I feel like I’m fixed.
Not completely, but I’m at the point where I can recognize my problems, bad mental habits, and work towards fixing them myself. My anxiety — the reason why I went to therapy in the first place — is under control, and I’ve been delightfully drinking black tea in the mornings1. No more suicidal thoughts either.
I asked my psychologist whether I could hang out with him outside of the sessions because I enjoyed his company so much on a personal level. From life to art to sociology, we would always stray onto a wide variety of other topics. Perhaps I found the human mind to be as fascinating as he did.
He told me that as much as he’d like to, his ethics wouldn’t allow him to do so. I brought up the option of going to someone else for therapy, so that we could be friends, but after a bit of consideration, I didn’t like that option either, because I really enjoyed working with him. On top of that, as he explained, he would be available to me if I ever required his services in the future. I won’t lie and say that it didn’t make me very sad, but I understood and respected his reasons.
So after my last session, we shook hands, and he said “I’ll see you when I see you. Take care”.
And he meant it.
- Caffeine, along with many other things, used to trigger anxiety attacks in me. [↑]
That’s very good to hear. I may not say much, but I read every entry. Do take care, because even strangers can send kind thoughts.
I am so happy for you! I can’t wait until the day comes when I can say that I am fixed.
Congratulations! I’m going on 13 months since I’ve started going to therapy regularly, with no end yet in sight but I’m content with that. :)
Hey, so glad that you can enjoy the good old morning black tea again…with condensed milk? :)
I wish I WISH that I had someone I felt that way about. I have someone I can call when I completely crash, but they are nonprofessional. My experience with professionals has been very disappointing. I rarely find anyone who seems to understand my decisions in life. They presume everyone has the same motivations.
Oh ps very glad to know you’re feeling fine. : )
@Anton — It means a great deal to me that you would reveal yourself as a reader to tell me this. Thank you very much.
@Lucy — Thanks! The end will come soon enough, that’s how life seems to work out. When it comes, it’s almost bittersweet because you feel like you’re fixed, but not improving yourself as dramatically either.
@Esther — Thank you. There was no end in sight for me, and before I knew it, it was over. As much as I enjoyed going, my bank account didn’t take the same pleasure in the sessions.
@Uncle Joe — I haven’t had HK style milk tea in a while, so my black tea is still relatively light orange pekoe or an Australian brand someone bought me. Eventually, I’ll drink HK style again, but on a much less frequent basis than I used to.
I’m not sure if I’ll find the condensed milk to be too sweet, because I’ve been drinking herbal tea (without sugar) for so long that things often taste too sweet to me. I do miss the creaminess a lot though.
@Xibee — Sounds like your experiences have been extremely judgmental. I think I lucked out with a good mental health professional. The doctor who gave me the referral, my regular practitioner, cares only about money, and never listens to me. If there were GPs currently accepting new patients in my area, I would find a new one.
And thank you. :)
It took me going to see a psychologist a long time ago to realize that I didn’t need to go seek therapy. What I needed was a friend above all else and I shouldn’t have to pay for someone to listen and tell me what I should figure out on my own terms.
Needless to say I’m still searching for that friend, but in all regards to what’s out in the world, take care and good luck. Sometimes we never know what good we may find in the people we meet.
I was lucky enough to have a psychologist who didn’t tell me what I “should” do. Right up front, he told me that it was something we’d work on together, that therapy wasn’t like a surgical procedure where he’d remove a complex from me.
It was surprising to find out the things I didn’t know about myself. I take pride in being extremely self-aware, but he brought out things that I were simply too blind to see. There’s no way I could have reached where I am now without his help.
I find friends are too biased. They don’t have a properly objective view of things, or anywhere near the experience and education, to solve issues such as suicidal thoughts. While I know that my friends care deeply about me, it just wasn’t enough for them to say, “I love you, don’t kill yourself”.
Needless to say, everyone gets healed in different ways. Perhaps I was a more severe case that required professional help. If you can receive the help you need from a friend, that’s great, and quite a remarkable person you’ve found. Good luck to you too.