Developments and Denouements

Lights down, sound up, for this one. Maybe some tea and a pas­try if it’s not too late.

I had Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs play­ing here.

Stripped down, the beat alter­nates between triplet-three-one-two-three-one-two and one-two-three-one-two-three-one-two, fool­ing the lis­ten­er into think­ing it’s in some sort of com­plex time-sig­na­ture. It’s actu­al­ly based in com­mon time, but with the triplets in there and the down-beat (marked by the open snare) falling on four and then three of the next bar, the song takes on a syn­co­pat­ed rhythm. This isn’t what makes the song good, though. It’s all Karen O and her voice.

I’ve been so moody late­ly. Up and down. Developments and denoue­ments. Most like­ly a result of my over­think­ing and over­plan­ning over every­thing. Still try­ing to take things one day at a time, with­out rush­ing head first, with­out falling head over heels.

It’s all a mix­ture of good and bad. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to feel.

I’ve begun see­ing my psy­chol­o­gist on a ses­sion-by-ses­sion basis (instead of on a sched­ule — an indi­ca­tion of progress). In between, my Tai Chi class­es have become my ther­a­py. There’s some­thing about class that cen­tres me; the cama­raderie, the move­ments, the breath­ing, the con­tact, the feel­ing that I’m improv­ing a part of myself, bit by bit, even if it’s sub­con­scious­ly. A time where I can total­ly focus, a place where I can for­get every­thing else.

Afterwards, it’s a dri­ve home in the dark with the win­dows down, and the rustling of wind in my hair.

The seren­i­ty car­ries for­ward. I’m recharged again. Then I’m strong enough to be myself. I’m strong enough to accept these feel­ings.

They don’t love you like I love you.

4 comments

  1. seren­i­ty car­ried you for­ward” well-put. takes the edge off tumult.

  2. Absolutely. It’s like invest­ing in emo­tion­al sta­bil­i­ty.

  3. love the song — reminds me of my trip to Rome. crisp novem­ber after­noons.

    Fighting makes me feel alive, so I take muay thai. Something about the fear and the beau­ty of it invig­o­rates.

    Glad to read you’re on a bet­ter track…

  4. Interesting that a song can bring you back to anoth­er coun­try. If I ever go to Rome, I’ll have to remem­ber Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

    I can only imag­ine how invig­o­rat­ing muay thai must be. Something I don’t have with Tai Chi is fear of get­ting hurt, because it’s in such a con­trolled envi­ron­ment. I imag­ine my inter­ac­tive exer­cis­es aren’t the same, but they ful­fill a need nonethe­less.

Leave a Reply