Lights down, sound up, for this one. Maybe some tea and a pastry if it’s not too late.
I had Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing here.
Stripped down, the beat alternates between triplet–three–one–two-three–one–two and one-two-three–one–two-three–one–two, fooling the listener into thinking it’s in some sort of complex time-signature. It’s actually based in common time, but with the triplets in there and the down-beat (marked by the open snare) falling on four and then three of the next bar, the song takes on a syncopated rhythm. This isn’t what makes the song good, though. It’s all Karen O and her voice.
I’ve been so moody lately. Up and down. Developments and denouements. Most likely a result of my overthinking and overplanning over everything. Still trying to take things one day at a time, without rushing head first, without falling head over heels.
It’s all a mixture of good and bad. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to feel.
I’ve begun seeing my psychologist on a session-by-session basis (instead of on a schedule — an indication of progress). In between, my Tai Chi classes have become my therapy. There’s something about class that centres me; the camaraderie, the movements, the breathing, the contact, the feeling that I’m improving a part of myself, bit by bit, even if it’s subconsciously. A time where I can totally focus, a place where I can forget everything else.
Afterwards, it’s a drive home in the dark with the windows down, and the rustling of wind in my hair.
The serenity carries forward. I’m recharged again. Then I’m strong enough to be myself. I’m strong enough to accept these feelings.
They don’t love you like I love you.