equivocality » Blog Archive

06 Apr 08

Posted in: Daily Life | Tags: lonliness, sadness

I’m in a bad way

My sleeping schedule is upside down. I’m lovesick. I’m heartbroken. I can’t eat anything without shitting blood. My lips are chapped. My teeth keep grazing my canker sore. I’m breaking out. I’m dreading another day of work.

These are the times I truly feel alone. I’ve never been very good at taking care of myself.

But I’d still rather be alone, than be with you.

5 comments — Follow the feed

#1Robert Jakobson

I know exactly how you feel, just that I direct my feelings toward something more substantial, a place where they truely belong and not to misery.

#2J.

yikes. that sounds harsh. good luck getting through this. I wish you all the best

#3Xibee

I’m worried about the blood part. Are you sure nothing is seriously wrong? That doesn’t sound like diet….

I believe men should have someplace they go where they get put back together. I guess it used to be fishing or mountains or something, for some of them I knew. There have to be new inventions for the modern male to repair and warm up and come back to himself…

Have you considered not staying there at home for a day or two? or visiting John or something?

#4joe

I hope the blood part is just a metaphor that you use. In chinese medicine, general discomfort caused by ulcers in the mouth, problem sleeping, chapped lips, constipation, acne are all symptoms of what they call a condition of “heat”, I bet you have excessive sleepy dust as well—and bad breath too? They usually treat it with a bitter herbal tonic call “24 herbs”. Otherwise, just take tonnes of water, and fruits.

#5Jeff

@Robert Jakobson — It’s hard to say whether I direct my feelings to misery. All I know is that it’s hard to forget about the pain I’m in. A bad habit, I know, but not an easy one to break.

@J. — Thank you.

@Xibee — Nothing is seriously wrong; my doctor says some blood in the stool is normal, I just need to control my diet until my stomach settles down. I know it’ll pass, but it sucks not being able to eat what I want.

I think golfing, fishing, or even driving are activities used by the modern man to repair. The problem is that they can take so much time. It’s difficult to commit with todays fast-paced lifestyles.

I’ve definitely considered going away, but I’m too much of a creature of habit and comfort to do it right now (not to mention that I couldn’t afford it). But I can tell that very soon, when the spring whether sets in, that I’ll crave a change of surroundings.

@Uncle Joe — I tend to eat too much “hot” or “yang” food. I haven’t noticed too much sleep dust or bad breath, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was true. I should look up this tonic or drink more lingzhi. I used to eat a lot of fruit every day (my stomach won’t be able to handle it for a few days), but water and mithi chai tea is helping cleanse my system right now.