equivocality » Blog Archive

30 Aug 07

Crank it. Loud, and maybe you’ll understand how I feel.

I’ve been in such a slump the last week. Maybe I’m over-worked, over-tired, and over-stressed. Things haven’t been going my way.

It’s filled me with such frustration, sadness, and anger.

Now I’m left to face the ugly world alone, and all I can think is to never put your trust in someone. Never be dependent, never expect anything from anyone because you’ll only get hurt.

Pick yourself up, cause no one’s going to help you.

I try to rationalize everything and follow the Tao, but I can’t. Everything is so overwhelming.

As much as I’ve learned, as much wisdom as I’ve gained, as far as I’ve come, I’m still human.

9 comments — Follow the feed

#1Rob Mayer

DUDE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL i get that way once and a while too but you need to realize that you have frinds to face the world friends to trust and friends who want ur dependence shure some days u may seem alone but most of us is a short drive away or even a phonecall away
dose not the tao say thoughts weeken the mind disires wither the HEART? and a master observes the world but trusts his inner vision you need to do that man trust in ursellf trust in ur vision allow things to come and go and once again u will find ur flow and the rest will sorta just fall into place you allways have friends to help you care for you and in some cases help you find the path (thow my directions have been known to be off)

#2Rob Mayer

i know u were probly talking of romance but thats my 2 cents

#3Jeff

I wasn’t talking about romance, but it’s interesting that that’s what you thought. I guess it’s such a common topic for me, that it’s assumed to be my subject when writing equivocally.

I’m blown away by how much you know about Taoism. I’m trying to follow the Way and put aside my thoughts, but I can’t right now. I’m not strong enough to do it alone, and the one person I was counting on to help me has abandoned me. My inner vision is clouded, blinded by anger.

I know this isn’t going to last forever, I know that nothing is significant, but I can’t let go right now. I can’t forget how hurt I am.

#4Rob Mayer

what happend to lose the path this abandonment and hate was left by ur master ?

#5Jeff

What do you mean, Rob? Can you be a little clearer?

#6Rob Mayer

what made u feel this way alone no one to tun to did u lose someone who used to guide u cuz a sage takes care of all men and abandons no one he takes care of all things and abondons nothing or so ive red so far

#7Jeff

I feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me. Someone I thought I could lean on didn’t stand up straight when I needed it the most.

#8xibee

What IS it with September 3rd this year???
One of my best friends was completely sabotaged in just the way you describe after a long healthy relationship with them… inexplicable shit happening.

You’re definitely not alone.

#9Jeff

It was a few days before September 3rd, actually.